Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

Free KiWiFi

| Australia | Criminal & Illegal, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(As we fill the bunks in the fresh produce department off loaded trolleys, we often get customers asking if they can take items directly off the trolley instead of the display. Of course, we tell them yes.)

Me: *cheerfully filling kiwi fruit*

Customer: *takes one off the trolley* “Can I take this?”

Me: “Of course.”

Customer: *kiwi fruit in hand, strolls out of the store*

Me: *stunned*

(Now I always remember to say ‘only if you pay for it.’ Thanks, random customer, for making me sound like a b**** to all the paying customers.)

Unhappy Customers Can Sour The Milk

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

(A customer walks up to my cash register with a big carton of goat’s milk. He slams it down on my conveyor belt, looking angry and puffy.)

Customer: “Do you know the person that milked these goats?”

Me: *completely stunned* “Uh… no. I’m sorry, I don’t know who milked them. But I’m sure if you call the company that produces the milk and give them the batch number, they could put you in touch with the farmer, and HE OR SHE might know the person who operated the machine that milked the goats for that particular batch.”

Customer: “Machine?! The goats are milked with machines?!”

Me: “Probably… that IS how they do it most of the time. But I don’t know for sure. Like I said, if you contact the company they’ll be able to give you more information.”


Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but there’s really nothing more I can do to help you, aside from suggesting you call the company. If I may, why do you want to know who milks the goats?”


(He then paid for his milk and left with it anyway, while I tried very hard not to burst out laughing.)

A Minor Mistake, Part 3

| UK | Criminal & Illegal, Family & Kids, Food & Drink

(Having asked for ID for two members of a family’s table and them not having any, the two young people buy cokes. However, not long afterwards I see them drinking cocktails purchased by the father.)

Me: “Excuse me, guys, but as I said at the bar I’m afraid I can’t let you two drink alcohol since you don’t have your ID with you.”

Father: “Yeah, but I bought them. So, it’s fine.”

Me: “I’m sorry, we can’t let anyone without ID drink alcohol. I need you to return those drinks or I’ll have to ask you to leave.”

Father: “You let them drink their drinks or I’m calling the police. You’ll get fired and you’ll end up arrested.”

Me: “You want to phone the police, to arrest me, because you supplied alcohol to a child?”

Father: “… We’ll leave.”

A Minor Mistake, Part 2
A Minor Mistake

Your Passport To Being Banned

| USA | Criminal & Illegal, Food & Drink

(I go into a bar I frequent. I had lost my wallet a few days earlier, but I know most of the bartenders, so I didn’t expect them to ask for identification. The woman working doesn’t recognize me, and asks for my ID. Also, I’m a 23-year-old white woman.)

Me: “I think I actually have my passport in my car. Hold on.”

(I go get it and show the bartender.)

Bartender: *not amused* “This isn’t you.”

Me: “No, it is…”

(I get this almost every time I show my passport, because it is an old picture and it really doesn’t look that much like me.)

Bartender: “Is this even real?”

(Now, I’m offended.)

Me: “It’s definitely me. I come here all the time and we went to [Community College] together!”

Bartender: “No, we didn’t. And this is DEFINITELY not you.”

Me: “It is! Look at the date it was issued. Look at my birth date. That picture was taken when I was 17. I’m 24 now, a little heavier, and my hair is longer and less pink, but it is DEFINITELY me!”

Bartender: “This is you?”

(She turns the passport to me and shows me the picture, one of an older man of Middle Eastern descent with a Saudi Arabian name and an impressive beard. A friend of mine had put his passport in my glove box months ago and then apparently forgot about it.)

Me: “You’re right; that’s not me.”

(Luckily, I had my actual passport, and was able to return my friend’s with an awesome story. With any luck at all, the bartender will fail to remember me again next time I go in.)

All Manner Of Meat With No Manners

| CT, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Language & Words, Top, Wild & Unruly

(A customer approaches the deli just as I’m about to shut down the department to clean it. She takes a number and spends the next few minutes looking over the meat selections.)

Me: “How can I help you today?”

Customer: “Uh, yes… I would like half a pound of pastrami, please.”

Me: “Sure thing!”

(I slice her order and hand it to her. She thanks me and looks at the package. Just as she’s about to turn to leave, she looks at the package.)

Customer: “Excuse me! But this isn’t what I f****** ordered you stupid piece of s***!”

Me: “Ma’am, you asked for pastrami and that’s what I cut for you.”

Customer: *scoffs* “Well, that’s not what this is!” *points at the glass case*

Me: “Are you pointing at the pastrami?”

Customer: “Yes, I am, you dumb a**hole! You should be able to f***** see that!”

Me: “Actually, I can’t. One moment.”

(I walk around the counter to where she’s standing.)

Customer: “See, this is what I want.”

Me: *sigh* “Ma’am, that’s not pastrami you’re pointing at. It’s salami. It clearly says it on the wrapping and on the sign under the product.”

Customer: “I know that, you f****** idiot!”

Me: “If you know that, then why did you ask for pastrami? They’re not even close to being the same product. In fact they’re in different color wrapping.”

Customer: “Hey, stop being an a**hole and give me what I want! You’re making this more difficult than it has to be and you’re wasting my time!”

Me: “Sure, hold on. Please be advised that you are the one that placed the wrong order which is prolonging your stay here.”

Customer: “I don’t f****** care! Hurry up and finish my order!”

(I quickly slice her order as the deli is now closed and I want to go home.)

Me: “Here you go, ma’am.”

Customer: “Thank you. Was that so f***** hard?”

Me: “Yes, it was about as hard as reading a sign that says salami and confusing it with pastrami.”

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