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Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

Unfortunate Opening Words

, | Tempe, AZ, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Time

(I am prepping the store for open, and can see [Regular] standing right outside the front door, waiting for nearly 15 minutes.)

Me: *unlocking the door and exactly six am, our open time* “Good morning, [Regular]! I’ve got some coffee already brewed for you.”

Regular: “Boy, you guys sure wait until the laaaast minute to open those doors.”

Me: “Well, we open at six, which it just turned right now.”

Regular: “Yeah, I know. Still. You’ve been here a while already….”

Hotly Disputed

, | Tempe, AZ, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

Me: “Good morning, [Regular]. I was just about to make some fresh coffee, since this pot is almost 45 minutes old. Did you want some of this or would you like to wait for the fresh pot.”

Regular: “The fresh pot; I want the hot, fresh stuff.”

(I bring her a hot, fresh cup six minutes later, right after it finished brewing.)

Regular: “Can you get me some ice cubes for this? I don’t know why you guys have to brew it so hot. I practically gotta let it sit for half an hour before I can touch it…”

A Very Crisp Line

, | Tempe, AZ, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(I work the opening shift at a fast food restaurant that’s well-known for their chicken. We have an elderly, regular customer who is originally from the New England area, as made obvious by both her accent and attitude. Every week, she has a new complaint. These are some of my favorites.)

Me: “Good morning, [Regular]! What can I get for you today?”

Regular: “I wanna get a number three with the bacon EXTRA crispy. Last week, you guys didn’t make it extra crispy like I like it!”

Me: “Sorry about that. I’ll make sure it gets made correctly this time.”

(The next week:)

Me: “Good morning, [Regular], having the usual today?”

Regular: “Yeah, but make sure the bacon isn’t too crispy. You guys made it WAAAY to crispy last time.”

Me: “I’m so sorry. I didn’t realize they had burnt it!”

Regular: “It wasn’t burnt, just too crispy. I want it extra crispy, but not TOO crispy.”