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Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

Sugar-Coating The Prices

| Lincolnshire, England, UK | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(An elderly lady asks to see our wine list:)

Customer: “Do you have any house white wines that are sweet?”

Me: “No. Unfortunately our two house white wines are both dry wines. However we do have this [slightly more expensive] sweet white wine. Would you like a glass of that?”

Customer: “No, no. Just bring me a glass of this house white wine and two packets of sugar.”

A Block Of Highland(er) Cheese

| Canberra, ACT, Australia | Food & Drink, One-Liners

(I’m on the register late at night when a coworker I vaguely know from another department comes through with his shopping. I scan his items and all is well until I try to scan a block of cut cheese from our deli. The register brings up a warning that it can’t be sold because it is past its use-by date.)

Me: “Sorry; it’s out of date.”

Coworker: “I don’t care.” *he holds his hand out*

(I know that its just going to be thrown out if I waste it and so does he. He is the store butcher, so I look around to check no one is around and just hand him the cheese. I feel I have to be sure though.)

Me: “You’re sure?”

Coworker: “Yep.” *he hides his cheese* “Cheese is always good. Cheese is just milk’s attempt at being immortal.”

Avoiding A Hair-Raising Situation

| Wisconsin Dells, WI, USA | Awesome Customers, Awesome Workers, Food & Drink

(Our mom takes us through the drive through of a fast food joint known for frozen custard. We all have one, and as we are driving away and eating, three of us discovered long hairs in our custard. We go back through the drive through and my mother tells them what happened. The poor teen on the mic sounds so nervous when my mom calmly explains the situation. They give us free replacements. We get to the window and instead of the kid, it’s the manager.)

Manager: *hands my mom the tray of three custards as well as a handful of tokens for a free scoop of custard*

Mom: “What is this for?”

Manager: “Ma’am, so many customers in your situation would have screamed at my poor employees and terrified them. The other day, a customer came up to the counter and screamed at and verbally abused the fifteen-year-old girl at the register because he found a very small piece of onion on his burger when he had asked for none because he doesn’t like the smell of them. And other people would try to sue us for that. So I am giving these to you as a thank you.”

Mom: “Oh, wow. You’re welcome, I guess.”

(Our custard was delicious and hair free, though it melted rather quickly once we got to the park as it was the summer. Good thing we had dishes and not cones!)