Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

The High Point Of My Night

, | Canada | At The Checkout, Criminal & Illegal, Food & Drink

(I work as a cashier and am finally at the end of a long, frustrating split-shift. About 10 minutes to closing a group of guys in their early 20s come in and head straight for the confection aisle. They seem to be having a hard time deciding, and become panicked when my supervisor makes the closing announcement. They shove their candy, chips, and pop into the arms of one guy, and push him toward the cash. They leave the store, leaving their friend to pay. He places the items very slowly on the counter, blinking with confusion a number of times, swaying a little on his feet. I ring his items through.)

Me: “That’s $14.59. How will you be paying?”

Customer: “Uh… debit?”

(He slowly pulls out his wallet and fumbles for his card. He finally places it in the debit machine, and then stares at it, unmoving. The machine times-out, so I reset it. He manages, with some difficulty to make it through the rest of the transaction. When I place his bag in front of him, he looks confused.)

Customer: “Is this mine?”

Me: “Yes, it is.”

Customer: “These are the things I bought?”

Me: “Uh… yes. Are you all right?”

Customer: “Huh? Oh, yeah, don’t mind me, I’m just really fried.”

(He pulls a 2 dollar coin out of his pocket and puts it on the counter.)

Customer: “Don’t tell; my parents know the owner.”

(He left, marveling at the automatic doors as he did. He has been back to the store a number of times, in the same state, and makes my day whenever he shows up.)

Driving Thru Justice

, | Springfield, MO, USA | Awesome Workers, Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Top

(I work at a fairly popular fast-food restaurant. Our location is right next to three different college campuses, so our main customers are a lot of students and teachers in-between classes. This, of course, means our fast service is super-essential, especially in the middle of a rush-hour lunch period.)

Me: “Thank you for choosing [Fast Food]! How does a [Burger] sound today?”

Customer: “What sounds good is a moment to order. Just wait a second.”

Me: “Okie-dokie, just holla as soon as you’re ready to—”

Customer: “Will you shut the f*** up and let me f****** decide?!”

Me:  *shocked* “Um, okay. I—”

Customer: “Um, um, um! BE QUIET. I AM TRYING TO ORDER!”

(I stay quiet for four minutes, until she speaks again.)

Customer: “Are you even f****** there?”

Me: “Yeppers, and I’m ready to take your order whenever you are.”

Customer: “Don’t you f****** take that tone with me! I’ll have a large number six with a [Soda], no ice.”

Me: “Excellent, I’ve got a—”

Customer: “What’s my total?”

Me: “I’ll ring it up.”

(The customer drives up before I am done punching it in, and parks at the first window. There is no one there, since that employee is on her break, and all of the service is left to me. Eventually, the customer seems to get the message, and I wave her up to the final window.)

Customer: “Why isn’t there anyone f****** there to take my money?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. He’s on break. It’s just me right now.” *I hand her her drink* “Your total came to $6.55.”

Customer: “WHAT? That’s too much. I don’t have that!” *waves her credit card*

Me: “I’m sorry. I was trying to tell you the total at the speaker—”

Customer: “This [Soda] tastes like s***. I want a free one.”

Me: “I’ll just pour you another one—”

Customer: “I want to talk to your manager.”

(I get my manager, who had heard the better part of our exchange over the headsets.)

Manager: “How can I help you, ma’am?”

Customer: “I swear I never do this, but I have been waiting forever to get my food, your worker is a f****** b**** and totally incompetent, and this isn’t the drink I ordered. And if I don’t get a free [Competitor’s Burger] and some pies or something, then I swear I’m never coming back and I will tell my kids and all of my grandkids and everyone I know to never come back to this restaurant ever again!”

Manager: “That’s really too bad. If you want a free [Competitor’s Burger], you’ll have to get your a** down three blocks and b**** at the [Competitor]’s people instead. And you’ll have to, now that I’m officially banning you. Get the f*** out of my drive-thru.”

(At this, my manager slammed the window shut and told me to go ahead and eat the meal that the rude customer had left behind.)

At Lagerheads, Part 4

| Ireland | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

Customer: “I’d like a gin and tonic and a pint of Carlsberg.”

Me: “I’m sorry. We don’t have any Carlsberg. We have other lagers available on draft and also those available in long neck bottles.”

Customer: “Okay. So, I’ll have a long neck Carlsberg.”

Me: “Sorry, we don’t have long neck Carlsberg.”

Customer: “I’ll have a can of Carlsberg then, please.”

Me: *internal sigh* “Sorry, we don’t sell cans of any kind; also, we don’t have Carlsberg. Would any other kind of lager be okay?”

Customer: “Oh, it’s not for me. It’s for my husband. Hold on. I’ll go check what he would have instead.” *goes and comes back* “Okay. Can I have a pint of Carlsberg, please?”

At Lagerheads, Part 3
At Lagerheads, Part 2
At Lagerheads

Only Has Egg On Her Face

| Yorkshire, England, UK | Books & Reading, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(The husband of a couple has come to collect a menu about an hour before they would like to eat because his wife has difficulty making decisions. Our menu for cooked items is very limited and has only a full English breakfast, a vegetarian English cooked breakfast, smoked haddock, smoked salmon, and kippers available. The couple come in for breakfast, having studied the menu.)

Wife: “Do you do eggs benedict?”

Half-Baked Conviction

| OH, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

(A customer calls into the bakery from another state wanting to order some baked goods for a friend of hers in our city. She begins the conversation trying to ascertain that we were a popular bakery, and that people in the city actually buy from us. This line of questioning takes about 10 minutes.)

Caller: “Between you, me, and the light post, do your baked goods actually taste good?”

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