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Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

That Pizza Was All Greek To Me

| Minneapolis, MN, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

Customer: “Hi, my pizza was just delivered and it was entirely incorrect. I just gave it back to the driver and he gave my money back. But I’d like to get my correct pizza.”

Me: “Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. Well it looks here like you ordered the Greek pizza—”

Customer: “Yeah, but the one I got had tomatoes and black olives, and green peppers, I think…”

Me: “And red sauce and onions and feta cheese?”

Customer: “Yeah!”

Me: “Yeah, that’s the Greek pizza. You got exactly what you ordered.”

Customer: “What? Well my friend just ordered from you last week and he said he got the Greek, but it was different. It had gyro meat on it and it got served with tzatziki sauce.”

Me: “Oh, your friend must have ordered our Santorini pizza. I can go ahead and change your order here and send you the right one. It costs the same price.”

Customer: “Uh… that’s it? I don’t get a discount or anything?”

Me: “Well… no. I mean… it’s your friend’s fault that he told you the wrong pizza. But you got exactly what you told us you wanted. We don’t give discounts for people who neglect to read our menu before ordering.”

Customer: “Oh. Okay. That’s fair, I guess.”

It’s No Use Lying Over Spilt Milk

| ON, Canada | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(I work at a big name coffee chain. This conversation is taking place over headsets; I’m in the back unpacking stock.)

Coworker: “Is it possible to be allergic to milk fat?”

Me: “I don’t know, maybe? Some pretty weird allergies run in my family.”

Coworker: “This customer just asked for a drink made nonfat because she’s allergic to milk fat.”

Me: “Well, if she says there’s an allergy, assume she’s telling the truth.”

Coworker: “And she wants whipped cream on it.”

Me: “…”

She Likes Piña Coladas, And Getting Sugar To The Brain

| Bar | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(I recently started bartending and learning to mix cocktails. One night a customer was unhappy with her piña colada.)

Customer: “This tastes horrible!”

Me: “I’m very sorry about that. Would it be okay if I tried the drink, to figure out what I messed up?”

(I try the drink and it tastes normal.)

Me: “Sorry, but I can’t taste the problem. I could try and make you another one, but it’ll probably taste the same. Maybe another cocktail?”

Customer: “No, I want a piña colada. What have you been putting into this?”

Me: “The usual. Ice, coconut syrup, cream, white rum, pineapple juice—”

Customer: “Why in the world would you put white rum in that?”

Me: “Because that’s the recipe? At least the one we are using here.”

Customer: “No, there’s no white rum in a piña colada. There’s piña colada in piña colada!”

(At that point I realise she’s probably used to store-bought pre-mixed drinks. I tell her that my boss will sort it out, and after talking to him, we make a drink with half the alcohol and double the syrup. Apparently that hit the spot.)

Surprisingly Latex Tolerant

| Dover, OH, USA | Food & Drink, Funny Names

(I am stocking the dairy department in the store.)

Customer: “Where’s the latex free milk?”

(I felt really bad correcting him and kindly pointed and said:)

Me: “Sir, the lactose free milk is right over there.”

It’ll Be With You In Two Shakes

, | Baton Rouge, LA, USA | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink

(Note that our milkshakes come in small and large, which are served in the small and medium soft drink cups. Our large soft drink cups have a different shape, so they can’t fit under the milkshake spinner. A customer approaches my register to order.)

Customer: “I just love your peach milkshakes! The large just isn’t big enough though. Why don’t you have them the same sizes as your drinks?”

(I explain about the machine.)

Customer: “Oh. So I can’t get an extra large milkshake?”

Me: “Well, we don’t sell that size. I’m sorry.”

Customer: “Can’t you figure out how to ring one up? I just love them so much and the large is never enough!”

(I have an idea and turn to ask my manager, who is over by the drive through. She agrees, so I come back to the customer.)

Me: “Well, if you want to buy a small and a large shake, I can then combine them into the big cup. It’s the same size ounce-wise.”

Customer: “Yes! Oh, yes, I would love that. Your milkshakes are just so good!”

Me: “Okay, that will be [price].”

(He pays and I go make the milkshakes. While I am, I can hear him telling other customers how awesome our shakes are and how excited he is. My coworkers are amused at me making two shakes and then dumping them into a huge cup. When it’s done, I turn back to the customer.)

Me: “Do you want whipped cream? I’m afraid the milkshake lid won’t fit since it’s not made for the bigger cup.”

Customer: “Yes! And that’s okay; I’ll drink it really fast.”

(I finish off his monster milkshake and hand it to him. He looks like a little kid who’s just met Santa.)

Customer: “Thanks so much!”

(He literally skipped out of the restaurant, drinking his shake.)

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