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Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

Try Not To Vegetate On It For Too Long

| MO, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Health & Body

(I’m in the kitchen making pizzas when my boss comes back and tells me that an order she just sent back requested that we use a clean knife and cutting board to cut her pizza with because she is vegan and doesn’t want her pizza to come into contact with something against her diet. This is not an unusual request so I give her a thumbs up. A few minutes later I get to the ticket.)

Me: “Hey, [Boss]? It was ticket number 62 that was the vegan ticket, right?”

Boss: “Yeah.”

Me: “Ticket 62… The cheese stuffed pizza with extra cheese?”

Boss: “Yeah…”

Me: “…”

Suffering From A Reptile Dysfunction, Part 2

| Lynnwood, WA, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Pets & Animals

(I was getting my best friend some candy at a grocery store to cheer her up, when I am approached by a lady who is at a sample station with dog treats.)

Customer: “Do happen to have a dog at home?”

Me: “Actually, I don’t. We only have a bunch of reptiles.”

Customer: “Reptiles, huh. When I was out this state, we caught large iguanas about this big—” *stretches out arms, maybe four feet* “—from the jungle and ate them.”

Me: “Iguanas can get very large.”

Customer: “It was delicious, but I don’t recommend eating your pets.”

Me: “No, that would be pretty messed up.”

(Luckily some people walked up to her table and she went to help. I wasn’t sure how to react to someone telling me they enjoy eating the pets I love.)

Related:
Suffering From A Reptile Dysfunction

Should Have Been A Piece Of Cake

| QC, Canada | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(I work in a cafe that also serves gelato. We also make ice cream cakes which are entirely made of ice cream. We just put layers of different flavors in a pan, freeze it and unmold it. To prevent any sort of misunderstanding, we also put a big sticker on each box saying ‘keep frozen.’ Even then, the concept seems to be hard to get for some customers. A customer that bought a cake four hours ago rushes into the shop looking really angry.)

Customer: “I want to have a refund! The cake you sold me did not work!”

Me: “What do you mean, it did not work?”

Customer: “Your cake melted before I could serve it to my guests! I want a refund!”

Me: “Did you leave the cake on the counter for a little while before serving it to your guests?”

Customer: “Of course not! I’m not an idiot! When I put it out of the fridge it was already melted!”

Me: “Wait… what? You left the cake in the fridge?”

Customer: “Yes, I did!”

Me: “But, sir, it needs to be kept in the freezer. It’s ice cream!”

Customer: “And?”

Me: “Ice cream needs to be kept frozen if you don’t want it to melt!”

Customer: “You really think I am stupid? I know ice cream melt! We are talking about a cake!”

Me: “Yes, a cake made of ice cream.”

Customer: “And?”

Me: “Like ice cream it needs to be kept in a freezer.”

Customer: “But it’s a cake!”

Me: A cake made of ice cream!”

Customer: *pause*

Me: (pause)

Customer: “But it’s a cake!”

Your Last (Corn) Meal

, | NJ, USA | Awesome Workers, Food & Drink

(A regular bar patron who would drink Irish coffee and run his yap is talking about French fries, when he spots me, the chef.)

Customer: “Do you put corn meal on your French fries?”

Me: “Uh… no.”

Customer: “F*** you!”

(He later died, and his repass was held in our banquet room. That day, we put corn meal on our French fries.)

Turns Out Not To Be Sweet Nothings

| NY, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Food & Drink

(I am working the register, and it has been a bit slow. A man approaches with two shirts. I ask him all the usual questions, like if he found everything and if he’d like to sign up for our rewards card, and we get to the total.)

Me: “Okay, your total is $27.94.”

Customer: *looking at the candies by the counter* “Hmm, chocolate covered blueberries?”

Me: “Yeah, I’ve had something like those before. They were weird, but pretty cool. Are you going to get those? If you are, I’ll need to add them to the total.”

Customer: “Okay, sure. And I’ll share them with you guys!”

(I look at my coworker who is standing behind me, trying to figure out if he’s serious or not. I can’t tell, so I just laugh awkwardly and add them to his purchase.)

Me: “Okay, your total now is $35.05.”

(The man swipes his credit card, and I give him his receipt. Then, he rips open the bag and offers some to me.)

Me: “Wait, you were serious?”

Customer: “Yeah! Hold out your hand and say when.”

(He gave a couple to my coworker and me, then left. They were very good, and the gesture made my night!)

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