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Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

Got Him Out Of A Pickle

| AZ, USA | Awesome Customers, Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Food & Drink

(It is nearing the end of my shift and I am busy with cleaning the lobby since I have no customers. A girl’s volleyball team from one of the local schools enters and I wait on them. When they sit at their tables, they begin getting quite loud and obnoxious, deliberately spilling their meals everywhere, and some even throwing pickles at the window and seeing if they could really race them as they slid down, like in the movie ‘Billy Madison.’ While they are getting ready to leave, I am getting the mop bucket and such ready to clean up the mess straight away. The coach of the volleyball team stops me.)

Coach: “Give me those.”

Me: “Oh, no, sir. It’s quite all right. This is just part of my job.”

Coach: “I understand that, but my girls were very irresponsible tonight. I need to teach them this kind of behavior is not acceptable.”

(In a surprised daze, I give all my cleaning supplies over to the man and he gathers up all the girls.)

Coach: *to his team* “You think this kind of behavior is funny? That you can just come in here, make complete fools of yourself, trash the place up, and just leave? I expected better from all of you. I hope you all have as much fun doing this young man’s job for him as you had making this mess.”

(The coach forced his entire team to clean up the mess, from sweeping to mopping to cleaning off the windows, until the entire lobby was clean. The entire time he watched with a look of disappointment. I applauded the man for taking amazing action with teaching a lesson above and beyond a spot.)

One Large Popcorn, Extra Salty

| Aldershot, England, UK | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Rude & Risque

(I am working the concessions counter for the evening. It’s been a hectic shift when two customers in their 20s approach me.)

Me: “How can I help today?”

Male Customer: “Hey, yeah, can we get a large popcorn and a small popcorn? And uh, can you do us a favour? This is going to sound really weird…”

Me: “Go for it!”

Male Customer: “Well, uh. My friend and I have been playing jokes on each other for a while, and I was wondering if you could help out?”

Me: “Uh… yeah, sure.”

Male Customer: “Great! Could you uh, put this in the small popcorn and cover it with the popcorn so my friend cant see it?”

(The female customer pulls out a rather large adult toy from her handbag and hands it to me as discreetly as possible – at this point I couldn’t help but laugh or deal with the customer by myself.)

Me: “Hey, uh, [Coworker], do you think this will fit in a small popcorn bag?”

(My coworker walks over looking mortified.)

Coworker: “If you want to successfully hide that, I would really suggest a large popcorn.”

Male Customer: “Okay! Change the small to a large please!”

(I took the object behind the counter so no one could see and filled up the bag as requested and processed their order.)

Woman Customer: “I’m really sorry. They’ve been doing this for a while now.”

Me: *still laughing at this point* “No, no, it’s okay. This is probably the best thing to happen whilst working here. I hope it turns out all right!”

(After they left my coworker and I had to take a moment to stop laughing and then we had to tell other coworkers and supervisors about it. To this day, I still don’t know if it was against policy or if a manager saw, but those two customers made that shift so much better!)

A Dual Personality

| TX, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

Me: “Hello! How are you? What can I get you?”

Customer: “Hey! Can I get a margarita?”

Me: “Sure, would you like that dressed?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Awesome! Would you like salt or sugar?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “…Umm. Which one?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “…I got that. But with what?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Right… So, I don’t think you’re listening to me… Salt. Or sugar. Or even maybe both. Which option?”

Customer: “Yes.”

(I go get the salt and sugar shakers.)

Me: “Okay. Salt-” *I wave the salt shaker* “-or sugar?” *I wave the sugar shaker* “Or perhaps both?” *I wave them both*

Customer: “Yes! Yes!”

Me: “Yes to what?!”

Customer: “I said yes already! Yes!”

Me: “Right… That’ll be $7.”

(I did both. She never came back to complain, to my knowledge, so I suppose I guessed correctly?)

Very Black Comedy

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Pets & Animals

(My friend and I arranged a double date to introduce my girlfriend and me to his girlfriend, who is blind and uses a guide dog. We went to a fairly fancy restaurant that keeps the lights low. Her guide dog is a black lab, so there are a few close calls from passing servers. Shortly after having the appetizers delivered to us we’re approached by one of the servers.)

Server: “Hello. I’m so sorry to inconvenience your party this evening, but we noticed that your guide dog is quite dark and hard to see in the aisle. If it’s not too much of trouble would you mind if we relocated you a part of the restaurant with less traffic?”

(The server motions towards one of the unoccupied booths at the back corner of the restaurant. We’re pretty much right in the path from the kitchen to the rest of the restaurant.)

Me: “What, because he’s black you’re going to toss us at the back of the restaurant?!”

(The server stands there for a few seconds wide eyed and stammering, obviously not knowing what to say. My friend and I lose our poker face and break down into laughter.)

Friend: “Don’t worry about it, man. We’re just f****** with you. If you didn’t ask us, we were going to ask you if we could move anyway.”

A Paltry Understanding Of Poultry

| Alabaster, AL, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Language & Words

Customer: “Egg and cheese. That’s poultry, right?”

Me: “What?”

Customer: “Poultry. Poultry means vegetarian, right?”

Me: “Um, sometimes vegetarians eat poultry and animal products. It just depends on the person.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. People are just changing all of this political correctness and I don’t know what things mean anymore. You’ll ask stupid questions when you’re my age and people change what words mean.”

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