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Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

Fry Your Brains

, | MI, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Health & Body

(It’s a semi-busy night. I and one other manager are up front helping to get orders out when this woman grabs my attention from across the counter.)

Customer: “Excuse me, could you make sure my fries are extra crispy?”

Me: “Sure, ma’am.”

Customer: “Good. Thanks. I can’t have all that extra fat in me.”

Me: *stunned speechless for a few seconds* “I’m sorry, what?”

Customer: “I need them extra well done so there isn’t as much fat on my fries.”

(I blink a few more times before smiling, nodding, and turning around to relay this information to the manager.)

Manager: *in response to the customers request* “Wait, what?”

Me: “You heard me.”

Manager: “Did you explain how deep frying works?”

Me: “You know, it wasn’t worth the argument.”

Denser Than The Dough

, | FL, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(I work in the bakery department of a rather large supermarket chain. We are one of the few remaining chains in the area with a fresh bakery: our breads are made from scratch every morning. We have a particularly smug customer who always thinks he is right about everything. Normally he complains about the prices on products, expecting the prices to never change… ever.)

Customer: “Do you have any Mountain Bread?”

(This type of bread is a round loaf cut in a particular way with flour on top to make it look like the snow on a mountain. It is extremely popular.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but we ran sold out of that today. But if you would like to buy this loaf here—” *I gesture to an Italian loaf* “—it is the exact same bread. It is just a different shape.”

Customer: “No, it isn’t! It tastes completely different. The dough is nothing alike!”

Me: “I assure you sir, they are exactly the same.”

Customer: “NO, THEY AREN’T! I KNOW MY BREAD AND THESE ARE NOT THE SAME! WHAT DO YOU KNOW?! I’M AN EXPERT WITH BREAD!”

Me: “And I know MY bread as I made these both this very morning, and I assure you the dough for both is made in one giant batch. We set aside some of it to make into round Mountain loafs and some of it to be set aside for the more standard Italian loaves. It is the exact same dough; the only difference is that the Mountain bread gets flour on top. That is it.”

Customer: “YOU’RE WRONG! THE DOUGH IS NOTHING ALIKE!”

Me: *fed up* “How about you try a piece?”

(I take a loaf from the shelf and offer him a slice. He takes the slice and takes a bite.)

Customer: “…I guess it is close… BUT IT’S NOT THE SAME!” *he takes a loaf and leaves*

Me: *to a coworker* “What part of I MADE THIS and IT COMES FROM THE SAME BATCH was so hard to understand?”

Coworker: “Some people are just dense…”

(The customer still shops in my store, though he hasn’t had any big issues like this in quite some time.)

Trying To Go Dutch On The Danish

| CA, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

(I work at a popular coffee chain that also sells baked treats. A very polite, very elderly man purchases a cheese Danish, leaving only one in the tray. The next customer, a young woman, buys the last cheese Danish. She gives me cash, and while I am counting it out, the old man comes up to the counter again. He points at the cheese Danish that the young woman is holding.)

Old Man: “Excuse me, young lady, that’s mine.”

Young Woman: “Oh…”

(She glances at me uncertainly, and I look around. I spot the old man’s cheese Danish on a table nearby.)

Me: “Sir, yours is right there.” *points*

(The old man turns and looks, and looks genuinely surprised to see the cheese Danish.)

Old Man: “Oh, my…”

Young Woman: “Dessert buddies!”

(She high fives him and hurries out of the shop, blushing.)