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Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

Fluid Memory; Difficult To Grasp

| Tucson, AZ, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink

(I sometimes eat in at a pizza joint about a block or so down the road from work when my shift is over and I’m hungry enough to eat a rhinoceros.  I’m doing so after a very busy Christmas week shift I hadn’t been prepared for. Needless to say, I’m a bit out of it, and I usually order the same thing, so I hardly ever look at the menu. The drink order goes a bit like this.)

Employee: “Hi, welcome to [Restaurant]. What can I get you to drink?”

(At this point, I recall a half-and-half mix of root beer and Dr Pepper I grew fond of during a recent dinner party, and decide that’s my drink order for the evening.)

Me: “Could I get a half-and-half of root beer and Dr Pepper?”

Employee: “We don’t have Dr Pepper. Would you like something else in that half-and-half?”

Me: “Well, could you please tell me what you do have?”

Employee: *lists several sodas, including root beer – which I somehow mishear as Dr Pepper*

Me: “Dr Pepper.”

(The waitress repeats that Dr Pepper is unavailable at least three more times before I pause for about three seconds. I face-palm and start chuckling once I realize I’ve momentarily become that customer who never seems to understand something spoken to him, clear as day, regardless of how many times it’s mentioned.)

Me: “Oh, my God. Ah, I’ll have a cola-root beer half-and-half, please.”

Employee: “All right, a cola-root beer half-and-half. Anything else to drink?”

Me: “No. Thanks for being so patient with me, by the way!”

(I still visit that particular pizza joint. But every so often, as I’m eating my pizza, I still remember how I once somehow failed to understand what “We don’t have Dr Pepper” means.)

Don’t Listen And Lose Out

| Canton, CT, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(I am working the drive-through on a late-night shift with one other manager. It’s slow, but we do get a few customers. A customer pulls up to the drive-through.)

Customer: “Hello? I’d like two [Sandwich], please, but I don’t see them on the menu.”

Manager: “Sorry about that, sir; they recently changed the name of the [Sandwich], which is probably why you didn’t see it. We still have it, it’s just called the [New Sandwich] now.”

Customer: “Oh, shoot, that’s a shame. I’ll have two [Chicken Sandwich] instead, then.”

(My manager and I share a look, and I chime in, thinking he may have misheard my manager.)

Me: “We still have the [Sandwich], sir. It has just been renamed. Same bun, same toppings, same everything, just a new name.”

Customer: “Oooooh. Darn, that’s a real shame. Guess I have to have two [Chicken Sandwich] instead, then?”

(My manager shakes his head and puts the sandwiches through, and the customer takes them and drives off.)

Manager: “You know, that would have been funny if he hadn’t been through here the last two nights, and had the exact same problem.”

Mexican’t Have Cheese

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Bizarre, Food & Drink

Waiter: “Table five wants vegan nachos. And yes, I already told them that that’s basically just toasted chips with tomatoes and jalapenos and they still want it.”