Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

Muffins Are Sweeter Than Bagels

, | PA, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(I’m a manager at a fast food restaurant but I’m currently on register covering a break. An older lady, probably in her 60s or 70s, comes in and sets her purse on the counter. Our egg muffin sandwiches come with ham, egg, and cheese.)

Me: “Good morning! What can I get for ya?”

Customer: “Good morning. I need an egg muffin… on a bagel… with bacon.”

(Since some customers like more than one type of meat on their sandwich I’ve gotten similar request before. Wanting to see if this is the case, I try to clarify:)

Me: “Okay, so you’d like a bacon, egg, and cheese bagel? Do you want ham and bacon on the sandwich or do you want to substitute the bacon for ham?”

Customer: *shaking her head* “No, no, no. I need an egg muffin… with bacon… on a bagel.”

Me: “So you want bacon, egg, and cheese on a bagel?”

Customer: *smiling sadly at me* “No that’s not what I want. See, this is why I came inside to order. No one can get my order right in the drive-thru.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I’m just confused. If you just tell me what you want on the sandwich I’ll ring it up for you and make sure you get it exactly how you want.”

Customer: “I just want an egg muffin on a bagel with bacon.”

(At this point I turn toward the giant menu board behind me and find the BEC Bagel on the menu I point to it looking back at the customer.)

Me: “This is a bagel with bacon, egg, and cheese can you tell me what about this sandwich you’d like to change and I will modify it for you.”

(Customer looks at the menu for the first time since entering the restaurant, seeing where I’m pointing she looks a little surprised.)

Customer: “Oh… Oh, I see… I thought you had to… Um, I guess I’ll have that.”

Me: “No problem, ma’am. Will there be anything else this morning?”

Customer: “Yes, could I also have a coffee with cream and sugar but can I have the packets?”

Me: “Of course! Your total will be [total].”

(As the lady fishes out her money, I turn to pour her coffee and get her cream and sugar packets. When I turn back around her money is sitting on the counter, she has gotten her food, and is putting the bag of food in her purse. I pay her out and give her her change then proceed to hand her her coffee and packets.)

Customer: *gestures at the packets* “Oh, could you put those in for me?”

Me: “So, you want a coffee with cream and sugar on the side but you want me to put the cream and sugar in for you?”

Customer: *looking confused* “No… No. I meant…”

(She begins looking around for something and her eyes come to rest on the food bag still sticking out for her purse. Realizing she wanted me to put the packets in the bag I begin to ask for her to hand me the bag but before I do she scoops up the packets and haphazardly tries to shove them in the food bag some of them falling out into her purse in the process. She then goes to pick up her coffee and leaves, muttering a thanks.)

Me: “Have a great day, ma’am!”

(I turn to my boss, the store manager, who was behind me the whole time assembling orders.)

Me: “Hey [Boss], could I have an egg muffin with bacon on a bagel?”

Boss: “Sure! And what about some coffee with some cream and sugar on the side but put in?!”

A Catalog Of Errors

| FL, USA | Food & Drink, Money, Technology

(I am working a temporary account for a well known holiday gift catering service that specializes in meats and cheese. The account has ads in newspapers, and in their catalogs and website.)

Me: “Thank you for choosing [Company]. My name is [My Name]. How may I assist you?”

(The caller sounds like a woman in her late thirties.)

Customer: “Hi, I saw you were having a special sale on a spiral cut honey glazed ham. I’d like to get one of those.”

Me: “I’d be happy to order you one today. May I have the gift code?”

Customer: “I don’t see a gift code. Where is it?”

Me: “It should be in a box on the side of the page, with the gifts letter designating the code.”

Customer: “I don’t see it? I’m scrolling up and down and don’t see any boxes.”

(I get a sinking feeling but keep strong.)

Me: “Oh, do you have a catalog or are you on the website? If you need assistance using the website I can help you with that as well.”

Customer: “I’m on the website.”

Me: “All right, then instead of looking for a gift code, all you need do is look for the button that says ‘add to c-‘”

Customer: “I know that! What do you think I am, a moron?! I want to order items off the website, over the phone!”

Me: “I can certainly do that for you. Now what weight spiral cut ham is it?”

Customer: “It’s the 20-pound for $35.99.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. The only 20-pound ham we have is for $49.99.”

Customer: “Well, that’s not possible. I’m looking at it!”

Me: “Is it a special offer?”

Customer: “Yes, it is. That’s obviously why I want to order it!”

(The sinking feeling kicks in all the way.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we cannot use the website specials in place of catalog specials. Website specials are for the website only.”

Customer: “So you’re telling me that I cannot get this ham for the price that it is advertised at?! That’s false advertisement!”

Me: “No, ma’am, you can, but you have to order it online. The systems at the call center can only process catalog specials. You can order the product online, just not through the phone.”

Customer: “But I don’t want to order it online. I want to order over the phone!”

(At this point I’m at a loss. My manager has noticed how long the call has taken, and takes a headset to listen into the call.)

Customer: “Here, I have a gift code, like what you asked before. Try that!”

Me: *I try the gift code that she pulled out of thin air* “It says it is void in my system, ma’am. As I’ve explained this is only an Internet offer and—”

Customer: “Can’t you just adjust the price of the ham on your end?! I’ve had people do that for me before!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but all catalog prices are as shown. We cannot adjust the product price.”

Customer: “What the h*** kind of customer service is this?! I want to speak to a manager!”

Me: “Certainly, ma’am. I’ll call him right over.”

(I mute my mic and take a moment to explain what my manager has missed on the call. My manager un-mutes his mic.)

Manager: “Hello, my name is [Manager], supervisor for [Company]. How may I be of assistance?”

Customer: “Your employee is refusing to give me correct price for a ham!”

(My manager then takes another 10 or so minutes on the phone. Outside of the call, I kind of get to laugh at the trouble the woman gives him. And then on top of THAT, after he re-explains EVERYTHING I have already told the woman, she demands to speak to HIS manager. The MOD manager, a woman I’ve never even seen before, comes on to the floor and takes a mic. She looks bemused.)

MOD Manager: “Hello I am [MOD Manager], [Manager]’s manager. How may I—”

(The woman on the other end immediately sets off on a rant.)

MOD Manager: “Ma’am, this is a business. You’re wasting our time. If you want an online product, order it online. Good-day.”

(The MOD manager doesn’t wait for a reply, just hangs up on the customer and turns to us.)

MOD Manager: “Thanks for the call. I needed a laugh.”

The Order In Disorder

| ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Food & Drink

(I’m taking orders for drive-thru in a well-known Canadian fast food chain.)

Me: “Welcome to [Restaurant]! How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I’d like a large strawberry banana smoothie with no yogurt.”

Me: “You said strawberry banana, correct?”

(I ask this for confirmation and the man proceeds to repeat his whole order again but obviously slower than the first time.)

Me: “And will that be everything today?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “All righty, then, your total is [total]. We’ll have that ready for you at the window.”

(I wait a couple of seconds and hearing nothing else from the customer, as is quite common for us, I send the order to the next till. A couple seconds later the customer starts talking again.)

Customer: “I’d also like an extra large coffee with—”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. We’ll have to add the rest of your order at the window.”

Customer: *in a whiny voice* “But I’m not done yet!”

Me: “Sir, I just asked you if that was everything for today and you said ‘yes’. I’ve already sent the order to the next till.”

(This was said politely and with no attitude or rudeness even close to being intended. However lo and behold, the next day I was called into the office and written up for having a “bad attitude” and “bad customer service” and now have to change my “bad attitude with customers” in two weeks or be fired. Thanks, man. Thanks.)

Mom’s Attitude Floored You

| Edinburgh, Scotland, UK | Family & Kids, Food & Drink

(A small boy, aged about six or seven, and his mother approach the counter.)

Mother: “What cake would you like?”

Boy: “That one.” *points to the last chocolate éclair in the shop*

(As I am taking it out of the display, I drop it on the floor.)

Me: “I’m so sorry. That was the last one we had.”

Mother: “Oh, don’t worry. We’ll take it anyway.”

Me: “I really can’t sell it to you; it’s been on the floor. I’m sorry.”

Boy: *excited* “Wait. Mum, you’re going to let me eat something that’s been on the floor? Really? Oh, wow, that’s great. Thanks, Mum! Wow!”

Mother: “I don’t usually let him…”

(I just gave them the cake.)

Both Brains Were Fried

| Toronto, ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Food & Drink

(In this case, both the cashier AND I were idiots. I’m a product demonstrator buying supplies for my next demo: 12 bags of French fries. I get to my car and realize the cashier only charged me for 10. So I go back in and explain the problem.)

Cashier: Thank you so much! I’d have been in so much trouble.”

Me: *feeling sheepish, I brought the receipt but NOT the un-scanned bags back in* “Should I go get them to scan again?”

Cashier: “Nah, just grab two more from the cooler. I’ll scan those and charge you for them.”

(I run and get them. I get back and she’s explaining to the entire line what a tool she is and how grateful she is to me for my honesty. As such, she’s working distracted and on autopilot… It’s 10 pm and I’ve had a long day myself, so I’m not precisely paying attention either.)

Cashier: *scans bags* “Okay, that’ll be $4.99.”

(She automatically bags them and hands me the bag. I automatically take them, say thank you, and leave.)

Me: *10 minutes later at home, un-bagging groceries into my freezer* “Oh, lord! Now I’ve paid for 12 and have 14!”

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