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Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

If Life Can’t Give You Lemons…

, | Monument, CO, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

Customer: “Yeah, I’d like a lemonade.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, we do not have lemonade.”

Customer: “Do you have diet lemonade?”

Me: “…”

That’s One Way To Get Your Goat

| Colchester, England, UK | Bizarre, Food & Drink

(I’m serving canapés at an outdoor wedding and approach a group of guests.)

Me: “Would anyone like a canapé?”

Guest: “What’s in them?”

Me: “That’s a goat’s cheese tartlet with sun-brushed tomatoes.”

Guest: “Oh, no, I won’t. I just don’t like goat’s cheese. No offence.”

Me: “That’s fine. I didn’t actually make them but I’m sure the chef won’t mind!”

Guest: “I didn’t mean any offence. I know you’re not a goat!”

Me: “…Thank you, sir.”

Ordering Was Not His Calling

| Auckland, New Zealand | Bizarre, Food & Drink

(I work in a fish and chip takeaway, and have just had a phone order from a lady who ordered fish and chips, as well as a mussel fritter. After hanging up to pin up the order, the manager tells me we are out of mussel fritters, and since it is relatively quiet tells me to phone her back in order to ask whether she wants an alternative. I dial the number I’d written on the order. A man, who I assume is the caller’s husband, picks up the phone.)

Me: “Hi, this is [Takeaway]. I’m calling about an order you’ve just placed earlier?”

Customer: “What? Who is this?”

Me: “This is [Takeaway]. I’m just calling to ask you about an order you placed earlier-“

Customer: “You’re the takeaway?”

(I’m worried I may have had the wrong number, but it’s highly unlikely.)

Me: “Yes. I want to ask you about—”

Customer: “No, why are you calling? You’re a takeaway, aren’t you?”

Me: “Yes, I’m calling concerning your order-“

Customer: “No, listen here. You’re a takeaway. You’re not supposed to be calling me. You don’t call people. I’m supposed to be calling you. Goodbye.”

(He hangs up. I confirm through the phone system that I had called the right number, as the last two calls through the phone are the same number and matches the one on the order, but I don’t say anything. Later, a man picks up the order, the same one I assume took the call.)

Me: *being very polite and making it out to be as much my fault as possible* “I’m sorry, I didn’t realise as I took your order, but we’d actually run out of mussel fritters. I tried to call you back but I couldn’t reach you, so we replaced it with a paua fritter. Is that okay?”

Customer: “No, I don’t want a paua fritter. I don’t like the taste. Why didn’t you say anything when you took the order?”

(Cue internal screaming.)