Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

Doesn’t Go Quite So Well With Jelly

| AZ, USA | Food & Drink, Funny Names

(Sunday morning working in the beer and wine section of a busy supermarket stocking bottles of wine.)

Customer: “Excuse me; can you help me find some peanut grease?”

Me: *a little tired, thinking the customer perhaps meant peanut oil or something* “Peanut grease? I’m not sure if we stock that but if we do it would probably be in the baking aisle.”

Customer: “Baking? I don’t want to cook with it; I want to drink it.”

Me: *nonplussed* “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “Yes, I’m looking for something dry but still a little sweet and I read on a website that peanut grease would be a good one to try.”

Me: *the penny drops* “Oh, pinot gris! Yes, we have that right over here…”

(I proceeded to help him pick out a few nice bottles. One of the better customers I’ve dealt with to be honest but I can’t go past that completely brilliant mangling of pronunciation.)

Not Too Chicken To Confront About The Chicken

, | Lethbridge, AB, Canada | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(I’m ordering on a busy day at a popular sandwich chain.)

Me: “I’ll have the egg and cheese, please.”

(The worker puts an egg patty on my sandwich.)

Lady Behind Me: “Ew! Gross! What is that? WHY would you EAT that?”

Me: “Oh, it’s just an egg patty. They’re pretty tasty, actually.”

Lady Behind Me: *grumbles* “Gross.”

(I don’t think anything more of her until it is her time to order.)

Lady Behind Me: “Now, I want a chicken sandwich. But not that chicken. That chicken looks too pink. Do you have anything fresher and more well-cooked?”

Worker: “No, sorry, that’s the only chicken we have.”

Lady Behind Me: “FINE. But if I get food poisoning I’m coming back to sue you PERSONALLY. Now, I want two and a half slices of cheese on the bottom of my sandwich.”

(The worker starts putting cheese on.)

Lady Behind Me: “I said on the bottom!” *now screaming* “ON. THE. BOTTOM. HOW IS THAT SO HARD?!”

(I am now biting my tongue, despite being pretty shy about speaking to strangers. The worker moves the lady’s sandwich to the vegetables section.)

Lady Behind Me: “I want some shredded lettuce.”

(The worker puts a handful of lettuce on.)

Lady Behind Me: “More.”

(The worker adds another handful.)

Lady Behind Me: Less.

(The worker takes some off.)

Lady Behind Me: “More.”

Me: “OH, MY GOD. Go home and make your own f****** sandwich! There’s a grocery store next door. Go buy your own cheese and your own chicken and your own stupid lettuce and quit harassing the employees! As a bonus, you won’t have to look at ‘gross’ food like mine!”

(The customers who had been stuck behind her applaud slowly. The lady turns beet red and storms out, leaving her sandwich. The next customer points at me.)

Next Customer: “I’d like to pay for her sandwich, please!”

Splitting Hairs Over The Price

| New Zealand | Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers

(A customer at my cafe comes up to the counter, scone in hand, looking angry.)

Customer: “There is a hair in my scone. I want a refund.”

Me: “I’m so sorry for that. Let me sort that out for you.”

(I return a minute later, apologizing again and giving her a refund. As she walks off several staff members look at the hair, which is sitting in the jam she spread herself, not baked in, and could only have come from her head.)

Coworker: “She was complaining about the price earlier when ordering.”

(As it turned out, she had complained but bought the scone anyway, had her fill, then placed her own hair in the jam before asking for her refund.)

Holy Guacamole, Get Off The Phone!

, | College Station, TX, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Food & Drink

(I’m a customer in line at a fast food restaurant that makes burritos. I am behind a customer in line who is talking on his cell phone, not acknowledging the employee trying to take his order and holding up the whole line. There are two employees making the food, the first one putting the hot ingredients into the orders and the other handling the cold. The first employee is smiling and being patient with the customer on the phone, but I can tell it’s difficult.)

Employee #1: “Sir, what type of beans—”

Customer: *to phone* “Hang on, this guy is asking me something.” *he looks up, annoyed* “What?”

Employee #1: “Black or pinto beans, sir?”

Customer: “Ugh, black. So anyway—” *he launches back into the conversation with the person on the phone*

Employee #1: “The meat, sir? Sir, what type of meat would you like? Excuse me, sir?”

(The employee waves to catch the man’s attention, but he completely turns his back to him. The employee looks taken aback, but leaves the customer’s unfinished burrito where it is on the line and comes back to me, smiling as best he can.)

Employee #1: “All right, then. Hi, what can I do for you?”

Me: Hi. I’ll have a bowl for here: white rice, veggies, no beans, steak, please.”

(I catch Employee #1’s eye, point to the guy in front of me, mimic putting a telephone to my ear, and do a ‘what the h***?’ expression. He laughs, shrugs in a resigned sort of way, puts my order together efficiently, and moves on to the next customer. Meanwhile, Employee #2 has completely cleaned out all the customers in front of the phone guy, and brought his meatless burrito up into the area of the line with cold ingredients. The phone guy finally turns back around.)

Employee #2: “Vegetarian burrito, sir? Would you like any mild, medium, or hot salsa?”

Customer: “Chicken.”

(Employee #2 quickly reaches over to scoop out a portion of chicken, even though it’s on Employee #1’s area of the line.)

Employee #2: “Yes, sir. Mild, medium, or hot salsa? Maybe some corn or sour cream?”

Customer: “CHICKEN!”

(I swear I can see Employee #2’s eye twitch, but she keeps smiling as the chicken scoop makes it to the burrito.)

Employee #2: “Yes, sir! Would you like any salsa today?”

Customer: *into the phone* “Ugh, hold on again.” *slowly and loudly, to [Employee #2]* “CHIIIICKEEEEEN.”

(At this point Employee #1’s side of the line is totally full of customers’ orders waiting to move on to Employee #2’s area, and Employee #1 cannot physically fit any more orders in the line to get them started. More people come in, and the line’s getting halfway to the door. I have had enough.)

Me: “Excuse me? If you were paying attention, you’d see she got your chicken already. Do you want mild, medium, or hot salsa?”

Customer: “What? Who do you think you are?”

Me: “I’m the first in a long line of people who wants you to get off your phone and finish your order already.”

Customer Behind Me: “Seriously!”

Me: “Mild, medium, hot. Pick.”

Customer: “Wh- uh, medium.”

Me: “Corn, sour cream, cheese.”

Customer: “Sour cream and cheese, and uh, guacamole, but—”

Me: *instinctively, without even thinking about it* “It’s going to cost extra; is that okay?”

(The employees all laugh.)

Employee #2: “That’s my line!”

(The flustered customer finally finished up. I went back and finished off my order, and I got it for free!)

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Well Just Thanks A Lunch!

| VT, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

(There’s this little old lady around my town is well known for cleaning the front of shops and the streets in exchange for lunch or pay. She is also known for playing the ‘helpless little old lady card’ to get free things. It’s lunchtime so I close the shop, head out the back door and grab some food. I’m gone five minutes, tops. I come back in through the back door and re-open and the day goes on as usual. What I don’t know is that my mother brought me lunch as a surprise in the five minutes that I was gone. She had put it on the front step and left. My mother explains to me that that night that she left me food. I suddenly remember seeing the little old lady pick up a brown paper bag outside the door window, which I now know held my lunch. I assume she threw it in the garbage. The next night I’m working and the little old lady comes in.)

Me: “Hi, how are you?”

Little Old Lady: “Good, good. How are you?”

Me: “I am well. Did you happen to see a brown paper bag full of food outside of the store last night?”

Little Old Lady: “Was it yours?”

Me: “It was but I guess it’s in the garbage now. Oh, well.”

Little Old Lady: “It was good. I saved some for tonight and I’ll think of you while I’m eating it.”

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