Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

Needs A Break(fast)

, | MI, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Food & Drink

Customer: “Do you have toast?”

Me: “No, ma’am. We—”

Customer: *points to greeter* “But SHE said I could have breakfast, so I want breakfast.”

Me: “Even though it’s lunch time, we serve pancakes, bacon, and oatmeal all day. Would you like—”

Customer: “You must be NEW because you don’t know ANYTHING!”

Manager: “We also have some breakfast burritos left if you’d like those.”

Customer: “Ring me up for PANCAKES, then. Pan… CAKES. She said breakfast. I want breakfast!”

Me: “Would you like syrup—”

Customer: “YOU DON’T KNOW ANYTHING! PANCAKES. I WANT PANCAKES.”

(Luckily, her pancakes come up pretty quickly, and she yanks the tray out of my manager’s hands.)

Customer: “SEE? Now you KNOW SOMETHING.”

Me: *to manager* “I am now aware that we have pancakes. I now have edumacation. I are smart.”

Manager: “You can leave early if you want…”

Orders Can Not Be Made For Bread Alone

| Quezon City, Philippines | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

Me: “Hi. What can I get you today?”

Customer: “Give me a six-inch parmesan oregano.”

Me: “Certainly, and what would you like on that?”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “You’ve told me what bread and size you want. You still need to tell me what filling you want for your sandwich.”

Customer: “Just the parmesan oregano.”

Me: “Ma’am, that’s a kind of bread. What meat or vegetables do you want me to put in it?”

Customer: “Why are you making this difficult?! I just want a six-inch parmesan oregano sandwich!”

Me: “Ma’am, let me make this clear: that is a kind of bread. It is a wheat loaf that has been prepared with parmesan cheese and oregano, the latter of which is an herb. However, there are no additional cheeses or herbs in it to fulfill the definition of ‘sandwich,’ and I have no idea whether we’re even allowed to sell just bread. Now, what filling would you like for your sandwich, which will be made using your chosen six-inch parmesan oregano loaf?”

Customer: “… Oregano isn’t a kind of meat?”

Fresh Out Of Fresh

| FL, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

Customer: “Is this chicken fresh?”

(I tap a huge sticker on the top of the meat case that says FRESH.)

Customer: “Does that mean it’s fresh?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

Customer: “Because I only want it if it’s fresh.”

Me: “It is fresh, ma’am.”

Customer: “How fresh is it?”

Me: “Uh…”

Customer: “Because I only want it if it’s fresh.”

Me: “It is.”

(The case has four trays of chicken breast in it. She looks between the trays.)

Customer: “Is this chicken fresher than this chicken?”

Me: “No, I put them all in there at the same time.”

Customer: “Well, this one looks fresher than that one. Are you sure this one isn’t fresher than that one?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

Customer: “Well this one looks fresher than that one. Can I see how fresh it is?”

Me: “Uh…”

Customer: “Because I only want it if it’s fresh.”

Me: “As I said, ma’am, it’s perfectly fresh.”

Customer: “Can you get me the chicken that’s the most fresh? This one looks the most fresh. Definitely more fresh than that one. Can you get me the freshest one?”

Me: “Absolutely. I know all about being fresh.”

Customer: “Great!”

(I grab the nearest chicken breasts and put two in a bag for her, seal it, price it, and hand it to her.)

Customer: “This is the freshest, right? More fresh than the other ones?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

Customer: “Because I only want it if it’s fresh.”

Me: “I can assure you that I’ve been as fresh with you as I can get away with, ma’am.”

Customer: “Great!”

(She pays and walks out the door.)

Coworker: “Jesus shoe-shining Christ, how many times did that lady say the word ‘fresh’?”

Me: *shrugging* “I was really trying not to use a different F-word with her.”

They’ll Toast To That

| Toronto, ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Food & Drink, Funny Names

(I am standing in line at a well-known coffee shop, fairly early in the morning. I hear this exchange between an employee and the customer in front of me.)

Customer: “Hi. Could I get a large coffee toasted with butter?”

Employee: “… Sorry?”

(The employee looks like she is trying not to laugh, when the customer suddenly notices what she’s said.)

Customer: “No! Wait! I mean a large coffee and a BAGEL toasted with butter.”

(They both burst out laughing.)

Customer: “Sorry, it’s early. Although if you’re willing to try and toast a coffee with butter, I’ll pay just to see how it turns out!”

Common Sense Has Left The Ranch

| Victoria, BC, Canada | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(I am working at a sandwich shop while in high school. I have just made a sandwich for a customer and gone into the back to grab a few things. The customer returns to the counter to talk to my coworker.)

Customer: “This is totally unacceptable. I want a new sandwich made!”

Coworker: “What seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “My sandwich has ranch on it. I hate ranch!”

Customer’s Boyfriend: “Yes, my girlfriend hates ranch dressing. She would never order a sandwich with ranch!”

Customer: “You should really check with people before you start making their food, you know!”

Coworker: “I’m sorry. Let me get another sandwich started for you. What kind did you order?”

Customer: “Chicken bacon ranch. Oh, but no bacon!”