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Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

Doesn’t Get The Employee Part Of Discount

| FL, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(I work for a major pizza chain, and have since I was fourteen. This call starts slow, with the customer having to ask someone in the background for every piece of information needed for delivery.)

Me: “All right, sir, what can I get for you?”

Customer: “Yeah, can I get, um… What do you want… pepperoni and black olive.”

Me: “All righ—”

Customer: “Does that come on a veggie pizza?”

Me: “…Does pepperoni and black olive come on a veggie pizza?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

(I’m stunned into silence for a beat, then another waiting to see if it’s a joke.)

Me: “No, sir, pepperoni does not come on a veggie pizza.”

Customer: “All right… just make that one a pepperoni and black olive pizza.”

(The rest of the phone call goes without much trouble, but slowly. Since I tend to be nice to the customers, I gave him a coupon which cut a portion of the cost off.)

Me: “All right, sir, your total comes to $29.92 today.”

Customer: “Nah, I’m going to use my employee discount on this.”

(Again, I find myself stunned into silence for a beat. Then I get frustrated.)

Me: “Two problems with that, sir. One, we’ve never offered employee discount on delivery. Two, you don’t work at this store.”

Customer: “Oh, I have to work there for that?”

Me: *head on desk* “Yes, sir, you have to work here for an employee discount.”

Talking Turkey About Cold Cuts

| Charleston, SC, USA | Food & Drink, Money

(It is just after one of the months where all of our sandwiches were $5. The promotion is over, so now only a few regular sandwiches are $5. I ring up a woman’s foot-long turkey sub and the total came out to about $6.)

Female Customer: “No, it’s supposed to be $5.”

Me: “Oh, no, I’m sorry. That promotion is over. The prices are back to normal.”

Female Customer: “But that sign says cold cuts are $5.”

Me: “No, it says the cold cut combo is $5.”

Female Customer: “Turkey is a cold cut.”

Me: “Okay, but it’s not a cold cut combo. That’s a completely different sandwich.”

Female Customer: “Turkey is a cold cut!”

Me: “…”

Female Customer: “You’re just trying to trick all of us! Turkey is a cold cut!”

(She then proceeded to storm off without her sandwich and yelled at me she hoped I was happy I had lost her business. Yeah, the person making $7.25 really cares about the store losing a customer.)

Maybe They Were Cream-Filled?

| OH, USA | Food & Drink, Rude & Risque

(We are having yard sale at our house, where I am selling all kinds of things including chocolate molds for making different types of chocolate candies. A very nice and friendly elderly lady approaches me to chat about them.)

Lady: “You know, I used to have to buy chocolate by the 100 lb. bag because I made and sold so much candy.”

Me: “Wow, sounds like you were pretty busy with it!”

Lady: “Oh, yes, I had a room in my home dedicated to it. Most of my customers were my coworkers at [Local Plant].”

Me: “How nice.”

(I’m trying to be polite but I’ve got to be available for others to ask questions or make purchases.)

Lady: “I used to make chocolate penises.”

Me: “How ni— Wait, what?”

Lady: “Penises. I made a birthday cake covered with chocolate penises for a coworker. It said, ‘here’s the beef!’ Ha! Penises! Can you imagine?”