Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

It’s Corny But It’s True

| Canada | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink

(I work in a bath and body store that’s very well-known for being extremely environmentally friendly and super ethical. Because of this, customers are always trying to “catch” us doing or selling something that goes against our company values. One day a middle-aged woman comes in and the following happens:)

Me: “Hey there! How’s it—”

Customer: “How dare you call yourselves all-natural., I mean look at all of these awful ingredients!”

Me: “Well, we actually don’t claim to be completely—”

Customer: “I mean, I can’t even pronounce half of these disgusting chemicals! You should be ashamed!”

Me: “Which ingredients exactly are you refer—”

Customer: “Look at this garbage! Sodium bicarbonate?! Do you even know what that is? It probably burns your skin off!”

Me: “It’s baking soda.”

(The woman freezes at that point, clearly unsure of how to proceed, but obviously not quite ready to let it go.)

Customer: “Well… and look at this!” *picks up one of our packing peanuts, which are not Styrofoam but in fact food grade* “How long do you think these will sit in the landfill for?”

Me: “About thirty seconds.”

Customer: “You’re clearly completely uneducated.”

Me: “They’re made of corn.”

Customer: “I highly doubt that. I can’t believe a company that claims to be so environmentally—”

(She trails off as I grab a handful of packing peanuts and dunk them in a bowl of water sitting on the display table next to me. The peanuts melt into mush and I pull my hand back out covered in orange goo.)

Customer: “Well, you just have an answer for everything, don’t you?!”

(She stormed out of the store and in her haste almost took out an entire display table.)

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A Faulty Sandwich

, | FL, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

Customer: “This sandwich is supposed to be no tomatoes and it’s supposed to have cheese on it.”

Me: “Sorry about that. I’ll remake it for you”

(I turn to get a new sandwich. I come back and the customer’s husband is standing next to her.)

Husband: “I asked for no cheese. This has cheese on it. And where’s my tomato?

Me: “Um, it looks like you guys were eating each other’s sandwiches”

Customer: “Well, who’s fault is that?”

Me: *to husband* “I’m not going to answer that one, but I’ll make you a new sandwich since your correct sandwich has already been thrown away.”

(Two perfectly good sandwiches in the trash and two replacements later, I wish I could say this was uncommon.)

Talking Baloney About Salami

| NY, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Funny Names

(I’m the manager of a small local deli. It’s known for unusual cuts of meat, as well as your regular ones. One day a more than eager customer comes in.)

Customer: “Hey, buddy, I want some llama meat.”

Me: “I’m sorry…? Llama meat?”

Customer: “Yeah, my son gets it from here for me every week. Llama meat! You have unusual meat here, and I want some llama meat! Are you new or something?”

Me: “Sir, I’ve worked here for almost a year, and I can assure you we’ve never stocked such an item; in fact, I’m pretty sure hunting llamas is illegal.”

Customer: “No, listen, you little twit! Llama meat! I put it on my sandwiches! See, right there! You have little circles of it, Salamo meat!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir? Could you repeat that?”

Customer: “Llama meat! Salamo meat, whatever! I put it on my sandwiches and it’s red and spicy! Salamo llama meat!”

Me: *putting two and two together* “Do you mean salami? It’s red and comes in circles, and ours is spicy.”

Customer: “Yes, salami! Llama salami salamo meat! Don’t you know anything? God!” *storms out*

That Question Is On Thin Ice

, | NY, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Food & Drink

(I work in the cafe of a national chain bookstore, where customers can help themselves to free ice water at the condiments counter.)

Me: *tidying up the condiments*

Customer: “Excuse me. Is this real ice?”

Me: “…what’s fake ice?”

Making A Mocha-ry Of Yourself, Part 2

| East Stroudsburg, PA, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(The convenience store I work at also has a deli and does specialty drinks like lattes and the like.)

Customer: “I ordered a caramel mocha, but, could I get that with no mocha. I want chocolate instead.”

(I am slightly confused as to what she’s saying so I ask her to repeat herself.)

Customer: “I want chocolate instead of mocha.”

Coworker: “Ma’am, you do realize that mocha IS chocolate?”

Making A Mocha-ry Of Yourself

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