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Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

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Peppered With Inequality

| Evansville, IN, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

(I am working in the drive-thru for a rather popular fast food joint.)

Me: “Welcome to [Store]! What can I get you?”

Customer: “I’ll have a [Combo Number] with a [static garble] and a [name of soda that has a Ph.D.].

Me: “All right, one [Combo] with a Dr. [Soda]. Is that correct?”

Customer: “Well, you can call it that.”

Me: “What did you mean, ‘You can call it that’?”

Customer: “I call it Nurse [Soda] ‘cause nurse is the female form of doctor. Girl Power!”

Me: “You know there are female doctors, right?”

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All Salts Of Stupid

| Albany, OR, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(I am sitting inside at a famous fast-food restaurant. A man in line approaches the cashier. After the employee asks what he would like to order, he asks:)

Customer: “If I asked for no salt on my fries, would you be able to do that for me?”

Cashier: “Yes, sir. Anything that we add here in the store can be taken off.”

Customer: “Oh, great. In that case, I would like to order a bacon cheeseburger, with no salt on the bacon.”

(He is completely serious. The cashier pauses for a moment.)

Cashier: “I’m very sorry, sir, but the bacon already has salt in it. I can’t take it out.”

Customer: *suddenly very aggressive* “You said that you could take anything that I wanted of the order! I want bacon without salt! How hard it that?”

Cashier: “No, sir, I said that anything we add here in the restaurant can be removed. Salt is used in the process of making bacon, so I can’t give you salt-free bacon.”

Customer: “Get me your manager! NOW!”

(At this point, everyone in the restaurant is staring. From where I’m standing, I can see the manager, who has heard everything, get this look on his face like he is already 100% done with this customer, but he composes himself and goes up to the counter.)

Manager: “How can I help you, sir?”

Customer: “Your employee told me that you can take off anything from an order! All I want is a bacon cheeseburger with no salt on the bacon, and she refused to give it to me!”

Manager: “I’m sorry, sir, but we can only remove things that we add here in the store. Salt is inherent in bacon. We don’t add it here so, unfortunately, I can’t remove it.”

Customer: “Just get me salt-free bacon! How f*****g hard is that?!”

(The manager closes his eyes for a moment, and I can practically see his internal sigh.)

Manager: *putting in the order* “Yes, sir, I’ll do what I can.”

Customer: “Thank you. God, was that so hard? Now, I would also like a chocolate shake with no chocolate.”

Manager: “You mean a vanilla shake, sir?”

Customer: “No, you idiot! If I wanted a vanilla shake, I would have ordered a f*****g vanilla shake!”

Manager: “Yes, sir.”

Customer: “Thank you. That will be all.”

Manager: “Yes, sir, your total is [total].”

(The customer waits for his food, muttering about “how f*****g hard is it” to get him salt-free bacon. He picks up his food and sits at the table right behind me. I turn around to him and say:)

Me: “Hey, man. You want some of my fries? They’re potato-free.”

(Everyone in earshot starts snickering. One of the employees goes into the back to stop laughing. He gives me a snide look.)

Customer: “You must think I’m some sort of idiot.”

Me: *stifling my smirk* “No, sir.”

(He finished his food and left. The kicker? They gave him a normal bacon cheeseburger and chocolate shake. He loved it.)

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Watered Down Justice

| Spokane, WA, USA | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers

(It is Saturday, so the store is very busy, and the dining room attendant is expected to help take orders when the line gets long. I am helping at the cash register when a large family comes in. The mother has instructed everyone in the family to request water, but I am still required to ask each person what they would like to drink. I have taken all of the kids’ orders, and the mother’s, and have come at last to the father. Our soda fountain is self-serve, and often times people will order water for free, then put soda in their water cups.)

Me: “What would you like, sir?”

Father: “I’d like to have [order].”

Me: “And what would you like to drink?”

Father: “Oh, I’ll take a soda.”

Mother: “Hey! Everyone is getting water. Come on, get a water. Please?”

(The younger children all chime in that he needs to get water, too.)

Oldest Son: “Daaaaad! We’re all going to get ‘special waters!’” *he emphasizes this, clearly indicating they’re going to be putting soda in the water cups*

(The mother and the father both shoot guilty glances in my direction, but the father does agree to order water. I finish their order, and as the line is clear, go back to emptying the bus station and washing tables. I happen to be at the drink station when the family gets their order, and they approach to get their cups.)

Mother: *on seeing me* “Come on, everyone! It looks like we really are drinking water!”

(She filled all their cups with water. It’s nice to see justice happen, sometimes.)

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They Will Ghetto-ver It

| Nashville, TN, USA | Food & Drink

(I recently began working at a popular pizzeria near a really bad neighborhood. Because of that, we cut off delivery to certain parts of our area in the evenings to protect our drivers. One evening the phone rings, and because I’m being trained on the point-of-sale system that day, my coworker answers as I watch. I can also hear what the customer is saying.)

Coworker: “Thank you for calling [Pizzeria]. My name is [Coworker]. Will this be for delivery or carryout?”

Customer: “Delivery.”

Coworker: “Okay, what’s the address?”

(The customer gives their address, which is on one of the streets that is affected by the cut-off time.)

Coworker: “I’m sorry, we don’t deliver to [Street] after [cut-off time].”

Customer: “Okay.” *yelling to someone on their end* “MA! THEY DON’T DELIVER TO THE GHETTO!” *click*

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Don’t Count Your Chickens

| England, UK | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(Every summer, a group of young Italian students come over to study English, and they eat dinner everyday at our canteen.)

Girl: “Pasta.”

Me: “Which one? I have chicken and plain pasta?”

Girl: “This.” *points at the chicken pasta* “No chicken.”

Me: “You can have the plain pasta, then?” *points at the plain pasta*

Girl: “No, this. No chicken.”

(Guess who had to pick all the little pieces of chicken out from the chicken pasta?)

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