Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!


Apologizing Is Your Call Of Duty

| AL, USA | Awesome Customers, Awesome Workers, Food & Drink, Popular

(I worked in the bakery of a popular retail chain. This is the call and unexpected outcome I received:)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Bakery]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Do you have a Call of Duty cake?”

Me: “No. I am sorry. We aren’t licensed to do that cake at this particular store.” *our town has two of these stores*

Customer: “I’m at the other, and they have it but not the kit! I need it today!”

Me: “I’m sorry. They are new and have more of a selection than us because they think they will have a bigger need. Our store can’t make the cake. And, we don’t have the kit either.”

Customer: *clearly upset and angry* “What am I supposed to do?! I need it today!”

Me: “Well, you can make the cake without the kit and find some toys to put on it? That would be the best suggestion I have.”

Customer: *hangs up in a huff*

(Ten minutes later the phone rings again.)

Me: “This is [Bakery]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “I called about the Call Of Duty cake.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am?”

Customer: “I wanted to apologize for being rude. You were very helpful and I was just upset and in a hurry. I did take your advice and I think it’s going to look much better than the kit!”

(The call back made my day. She didn’t have to apologize, but hey! She’s a good lady!)


Bake Up A Storm

| Seattle, WA, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Popular

(The line is stuck because of one customer who is buying a huge amount of wine and other foods, and keeps complaining.)

Customer: “That’s all you had. Why don’t you have it?!”

(The clerk is ringing her up and being nice, and then asks the fatal question:)

Clerk: “Did you find everything you were looking for?”

Customer: *like it just occurred to her to mention it* “NO, I DIDN’T ACTUALLY! Where is the ‘NO BAKE FLOUR’? You didn’t have any!”

(Turns out she wants to make ‘no bake cookies’ for her house gathering and was NOT PLEASED that the grocery store didn’t have “no bake flour”. The clerk is boggled and finally says:)

Clerk: “That sounds like a ‘foodie’ thing; maybe for that?”

(She finally goes, and the guy in front of me is buying water and beef jerky. He pays and goes without a word. I am next and I greet the clerk, then say:)

Me: “There is no such thing as ‘no bake flour.’”

Clerk: “I know. I just wanted her to go…”


When You’re High On Coke

| North Bethesda, MD, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Popular

(We have run out of Diet Coke. A woman comes in.)


Me: “I’m sorry, we’ve ran out today. We’ll have more tomorrow—”


Me: “We have our own brand diet cola; it tastes more or less the same? I can—”

Woman: *grabs a bottle of non-diet Coca-Cola* “I’LL HAVE TO HAVE THIS! AND IT’S YOUR FAULT WHEN I PUT ON WEIGHT THROUGH ALL THE CALORIES IN THIS!” *heads to till*

Me: “Umm…”


Forbidden Fruit

| PA, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Popular

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but food isn’t allowed up here. You’ll have to eat it outside.”

Patron: *proceeds to dump a pint container’s-worth of fruit salad in his mouth, all at once*

Me: “…or that”.


Doesn’t Beer-lieve You

| Calgary, AB, Canada | Food & Drink, Popular

(I used to work at an NHL venue in concessions. During games, almost every stand closes ten minutes into the third period, or during concerts, when the main act hits the stage. Only our largest stand in the east and west promenades stays open until the end – but alcohol was off. This is invariably the script for many, many evenings after this point is reached:)

Customer: “Can I get two beers?”

Me: “Sorry, beer is off in the Dome for the night.”

Customer: “Really?”

Me: “Really. The taps are shut off and even locked.” *shows the tap, which has a lock to make it impossible to pull the lever – and the lever itself is even removed!*

Customer: “That sucks! What about [Bar-like Arrangement above the east promenade]?”

Me: “Off. It’s part of the Dome, so it follows the same rules.”

Customer: “Really?”

Me: *inwardly, sarcastic* “No, I frequently lie to customers for my own amusement.” *outward* “Yes, really. There is nowhere in the building where you can still receive alcohol.”

Customer: *moment of silence* “What about [Upscale Club downstairs from west promenade]?”

Me: “Is it in the building?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “And I said there is nowhere in the building where alcohol is still being served?”

Customer: “I think you did, yeah.”

Me: “Then, no, it’s not still serving beer.”

Customer: “Really…?”

(The customer left, dejected — after trying to find two or three other solutions, and pleading with me to unlock the taps (I don’t possess the key). The things some people will do for booze!)

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