Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

This Should Have Been A Piece Of Cake

| England, UK | Food & Drink

(We are offering a cake tasting service for a couple arranging their wedding. They are given a selection to suit the style of their wedding and asked for feedback. The session has been going well, with the bride-to-be enjoying practically every cake offered to her. She has a review form we use to assist in the decision making. We have neared the end and she is getting ready to leave.)

Bride: “Thank you ever so much. That was delicious!”

Me: “We aim to please. Have you decided on a cake or would you like some time?”

Bride: *handing me the review form* “No, just use whichever I ranked top.”

Me: “Certainly. There will also be a second tasting…” *reads the form* “Umm, miss?”

Bride: “Oh, that will be lovely. I’m sure my husband will love it.”

Me: “Umm, miss. I think there has been some—”

Bride: “Thank you for the help. Goodbye!” *leaves*

Colleague: *sneaking in* “So… which did she pick?” *I hand over the form* “Oh, well, that’s not very helpful. She’s marked 10 for all of them!”

(We ended up having to call the groom in after the bride found it too difficult to decide. She started crying and begged the groom to “just to pick one,” and then got angry at him for picking the “wrong” one. The last I heard the wedding was still on, but had been pushed back another year. Some brides can get a bit overwhelmed by it all. Let’s just hope she manages to straighten everything out!)

Bacon Fakin’

| Springfield, MO, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(In my line of work, dealing with customers results in us having to answer some questions with really obvious answers with a straight face and a calm, friendly tone. This one that I heard over the headset in the drive-thru, however, really took the cake.)

Customer: “What do you call that cheeseburger with bacon on it? The bacon cheeseburger? For $1.69.”

(She is obviously reading it from our outdoor menu as that is the price.)

Customer: *continued* “Does that have bacon on it?”

(It’s a good thing I wasn’t taking orders that day. My sarcastic reply to a coworker was, “No, we just call it that for the fun of it.”)

Pizza By Elimination

, | USA | Food & Drink

(A customer is calling in a to-go order over the phone.)

Customer: “I’ll have a large pepperoni, mushroom, and olive pizza but my wife doesn’t like mushrooms or olives.”

Me: “So… a large pepperoni pizza?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Getting Mustard Flustered

| USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

(I am training the new guy on how to work a register at the movie theater where I work at. He is doing really well until he gets a very special request.)

Customer: “Hi, one hot dog and some yellow ketchup, please.”

Trainee: “Uh, yellow ketchup?”

Customer: “You know, the yellow ketchup? You put it on hot dogs and cheeseburgers. It’s really tangy and gives you a weird tingle on your tongue.”

Trainee: *very confused* “Do you mean mustard?”

Customer: “No, no, yellow ketchup. It’s really good.” *to me* “You know what I’m talking about right?”

Me: “Oh, of course. I’ll be right back with that.”

(I go to the condiment island and grab a couple packets of mustard and cross off “mustard” and write “yellow ketchup” in sharpie on the packet and give it to the gentleman.)

Me: “Here you go, sir.”

Customer: “Thank you very much; have a wonderful day.”

(The customer walks away and my trainee turns to me.)

Trainee: “But that was just a mustard packet?”

Me: “I’ll tell you one thing from my year of working here: Sometimes you just have to pick your battles.”

The Dessert Glass Is Half Empty

| CA, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

Customer: “What are these?”

Me: “They’re little glass desserts.”

Customer: “Oh… How do you eat a glass dessert?”

Me: “You… don’t.”

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