Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

Turning Water Into Wine And Back Again

| Germany | Food & Drink, Hotels & Lodging

(At check-in we offer our guests a free welcome drink. Normally this is prosecco (Italian sparkling wine) but we also have sparkling water if the guest does not drink alcohol.)

Me: “Welcome to the hotel! Can we offer you a prosecco on the house?” *seeing difficult look* “Or would you like sparkling water?”

Guest: “Yes.”

Me: “The prosecco or the water?”

Guest: “Yes.”

Me: “It is your choice, madam, would you like the sparkling wine or the water?”

Guest: *agitated* “Yehesss….”

(My coworker just starts pouring a prosecco without further comment. The husband of the guest enters the hotel.)

Guest: *to husband* “Those two here really wanted to confuse me just now!”

Something Fowl About That Menu

| Japan | At The Checkout, Food & Drink

(I work at a fried chicken restaurant, but there is a burger restaurant across the parking lot. Our buildings are in no way similar and our menus are two different styles and very different colors. A customer pulls up to the drive through window.)

Recorded Message: “Welcome to [Chicken Restaurant]! Would you like a combo today?”

Me: “Hello, may I help you today?”

Customer: “Um… give me a minute. I want to look at the menu.”

Me: “Ok. Just let us know when you’re ready.”

(About two minutes later:)

Customer: “Okay. I’m ready.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. What can we get you today?”

Customer: “Can I have two double cheeseburgers?”

(My jaw drops a bit and I just kind of stare at my managers for a moment before I just start laughing.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but this is [Chicken Restaurant]. We only serve chicken, not burgers.”

Customer: “This isn’t [Burger Restaurant]?”

Me: “No ma’am, this is [Chicken Restaurant]. The burger place is across the parking lot.”

Customer: “Oh.”

(The customer drives away. My managers are now shaking their heads while I’m doubled over laughing.)

Like, Soy Annoying

| Ann Arbor, MI, USA | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Popular

(I am making several drinks during a rush when I hear a loud “HELLO” from behind me, at the register.)

Me: “Just a moment!”

(I hand the drinks to the appropriate customers, and then turn back to the girl standing at the register with an off-putting smile on her face. )

Me: “Hello!”

Customer: “Hi”

Me: “What can I get you?”

Customer: “Just a… mocha… soyyy.”

Me: “All right, anything else for ya?”

(The customer looks at me like I just asked the most obvious question:)

Customer: “Yeaaaah. Do you have anything, like, I dunno, hazelnut?”

Me: “Yes. Today we’re brewing a hazelnut flavored coffee, or I can add hazelnut to an iced coffee, or a latte.”

Customer: “…Anything else?”

Me: “Umm, I can make it frozen, iced, hot… What would you like?”

Customer: “I’m just asking what you have.”

Me: “Okay, we also have a ‘german mocha’ which has caramel, hazelnut, coconut, and mocha! Or—”

Customer: “Just give me a super brewed coffee.”

Me: “All right!”

(I hand her the 24oz cup, ring it up, and hit the button which allows credit card transactions. She’s kind of staring at me blankly.)

Me: “And did you still want the mocha?”

Customer: “I already said that, with soy!”

Me: “Yes, okay, the soy mocha latte. Did you want it hot?”

Customer: “Uh… yeah.” *like I’m a huge idiot*

Me: “And what size?”

Customer: “Super! I already said super! You should know this!”

Me: “I’m sorry. So the super coffee and the soy mocha. That’ll be $7.46. If you just wait one—”

(I had to cancel out the transaction which was currently only going to process $2.22 for the drip coffee, so that I could combine the total and the customer would only have to swipe once. However, she didn’t listen when I asked her to wait one moment, soo….)

Me: “Okay, I’m going to have to ask you to swipe once more for the latte.”

Customer: “WHAT?! I’m not paying twice. I already swiped my card!”

Me: “Yes, but you only paid for the coffee. I tried to tell you.”

Customer: “Why did you do that? Why are you charging me twice. I’m not swiping again.”

Me: “Ma’am, you only paid $2.22. Here is your receipt.”

(The customer glances at it.)

Customer: “I’m going to need my mocha soy! I need it! I’m not swiping again. I ain’t paying twice. You’re going to give me my mocha.”

Me: “You’ll get your mocha if you pay for your mocha.”

(The customer finally swipes her card again. I print out the receipt and just as she starts to yell at me for it I push it towards her. I am met by screaming.)

Customer: “You charged me twice! What did you do! You should have put them together! Give me my money back!”

Me: “Look at the receipts; I did not charge you twice.”

Customer: “Are you going to make my mocha?”

Me: “Yep.”

(I grab a cup, move away from the register and she yells at me “That’s a MOCHA SOY!” I grit my teeth, make it real quick, still take the time to make a pretty looking drink, then hand it back to her. She looks at it, then looks at me.)

Customer: “Did you tamper with my drink?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “WHAT?! You did, didn’t you?!”

(I’m completely dumbfounded, I was gone about 30 seconds, and you can SEE where I was standing from the register.)

Customer: “I can’t believe you, f***** spitting in my mocha.”

(She finally moves away from the register, leaving me positively fuming with anger.)

They’re Nutso Different

, | Charlevoix, MI, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Health & Body

(I work in a fudge shop during tourist season. All the types of fudge are in a large display that takes up the entire length of the room, separating the workers from the customers.)

Me: “Hello, ma’am. Welcome to [Company]. How can I help you?”

Customer: *stares blankly at the display* “…What are those two there?” *points vaguely at two types of fudge*

Me: “This one on the left is walnut fudge, and the other on the right is cashew.”

Customer: “Oh… Well, what’s the difference between walnut and cashew fudge?”

Me: *dumbfounded* “Um… one has walnuts… and the other has cashews?”

Customer: “Oh. Well I don’t like nuts. Can I get this one instead?” *points to a display peanut butter fudge*

H2-Slow, Part 11

| Highlands Ranch, CO, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(My younger, newer coworker approaches me for help with a customer asking question he doesn’t understand. The customer has a 5 gallon jug water exchange in a cart.)

Customer: “Excuse me, I’ve got a question about this [Brand] water?”

Me: “Sure, what can I tell you about it?”

Customer: “Does this have an expiration date?”

Me: *stunned* “Um… it’s water.”

Customer: “So… does it?”

(I told him if the water is held to EPA and FDA standards it would be properly filtered for pathogenic organisms and protozoan. I’m still stunned that anyone would think water could expire.)

Related:
H2Slow, Part 10
H2Slow, Part 9
H2Slow, Part 8