Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

Sub-Standard Navigation

MI, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink

(I work in a deli where we make large subs for parties that customers can pre-order.)

Customer: “Yes, I have a sub order to pick up under [Name].”

Coworker: “We have no orders that I know of today, ma’am. Are you sure you placed the order here and not at [Location people always confuse with ours]?”

Customer: “No! I know it was here! I’ll just text my daughter and she’ll know!”

(My coworker patiently waits while the customer tries to contact her daughter.)

Customer: *she reads off her phone* “A six-inch sub for two o’clock at [Popular Sub Shop inside our store]!”

(The customer stared at my coworker with the most triumphant look I’ve ever seen. He then had to gently tell her that the restaurant was about 50 feet away and we had nothing to do with them, and she needed to pick up her order there.)

About To Be Old-Fashion Glazed

| OH, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Rude & Risque

(A couple has just walked in and ordered two donuts, and I place them both in the same bag and hand them out. After I wish them a nice day, I hear this conversation:)

Woman: *to the man* “Oh, she put our donuts in the same bag. My donut is contaminating your donut. MY DONUT IS HAVING SEX WITH YOUR DONUT!”

(I ended up having to run to the back room to burst out laughing.)

Only Wants The Salt Of The Earth

| AZ, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

Customer: “Excuse me, miss, do you have organic baking soda?”

Me: “Well, all of our baking soda is in the baking ingredients aisle, so if we have the baking soda you’re looking for it would be over here.”

(I walk over with her to that section and scrutinize the shelf, which you’d think I’d know by heart by now, considering I face it every night. There is only single option for baking soda to minimize shelf space, which is labeled “pure baking soda.”)

Me: “Okay, it looks like all we have is this one. But it’s a good amount for the price.”

Customer: “Is it organic?”

Me: “It isn’t organic certified. But all baking soda is just sodium bicarbonate, or a sodium particle bonded with two carbon molecules, so it’s basically all the same.”

Customer: “So it isn’t organic?”

Me: “The term really isn’t applicable to baking soda. It’s a basic mineral, not an agricultural product; therefore it can’t be GMO or treated with pesticides. A mineral technically isn’t an organic material at all.”

Customer: “Well, I can get organic baking soda in [Other State].”

Me: “Sure, they might put that on the box and have it certified organic, but what you’re buying is fundamentally the same thing. It’s like how there are apple products that don’t say gluten free, even though there’s no such thing as an apple that contains gluten. Do you follow?”

Customer: *stares at me for a moment* “I guess I’ll just wait until I get home. I don’t want to buy anything that isn’t organic.”

(I resisted the urge to explain the difference between organisms and rock, then just smiled and walked away.)

Keeps Putting Her Finger On The Problem

| England, UK | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Health & Body

(A woman comes into my bakery and wanders around. I ask her if she would like any help, but she politely refuses. I turn to take something out of the oven when I hear rustling. I turn my head briefly and catch her opening a seal pack of assorted muffins. She sticks her fingers in each one before putting them back and moving onto another.)

Me: “Excuse me. Could you please not do that? I do have to sell those.”

Customer: “How else will I know if I like them?”

Me: “You could ask for a sample.”

(She rolls her eyes as though it is a ridiculous suggestion and continues with her “tasting.” I run around the counter and grab them, along with those she put back.)

Me: “That will be [amount], please.”

Customer: “But, I don’t want them. I don’t like them.”

Me: “That doesn’t matter. How am I meant to sell these after your fingers and spit have been all over them?”

Customer: *offended* “Are you saying I look like I have a disease?!”

Me: “Would you buy a muffin knowing someone else has picked at it?”

Customer: “Well, no. That’s disgusting!”

Me: “Well there you are. [Amount], please.”

(She huffed and stormed out without paying.)

You Can Lead A Horse To Water

| ON, Canada | Bizarre, Food & Drink

(I am at a well-known taco place. A customer orders two tacos and a supreme fry, on which they can save some money by adding a drink. Cue window conversation.)

Me: “To give you the option, if you just wanted to add a drink, that’d be only [cheaper price] instead of [price].”

Customer: *thinking* “Can I get anything else instead of the drink?”

Me: “No, I’m afraid we can’t make substitutions for that.”

Customer: *thinking some more* “Nah, I’ll just stick with what I have.”

Me: “All right, that’s [price].”

(I cash the order out, give the customer their change, and, shortly, bring their food down and hand it to them.)

Customer: “So I’d save a dollar if I got a drink with that?”

Me: “Yes, that’s correct.”

Customer: “I’ll take a [Drink], then!”

(After a few moments of trying to decide what to do, I give him the same drink that was already poured for the next customer in line.)

Me: “I’ll just give it to you this time, because your order is already cashed out, but keep in mind for the next time you’re through that if you want the cheaper price, you’ll have to order a drink with the rest of your food.”

Customer: *pause* “Don’t I get a dollar back?”

Me: “The drink is normally [price], but I’m giving it to you for free.”

Customer: *gives me a confused, annoyed look, and drives off!*


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