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Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

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Someone REALLY Needed That Coffee

| IA, USA | Food & Drink

(I work at a popular chain donut shop. Most run 24/7, but our particular branch opens at 5 am and closes at 10 pm. It’s been that way since the store opened; hours are posted on both entry doors. To avoid confusion when the openers and bakers are inside, we keep the lights off inside and outside lights when not open. Typically, this is only a problem at night, mainly people trying to order from drive-thru. We’ve had people sit there, go back and forth over the sensor, shout “hello” repeatedly, and several pull up to the windows and try to order there. Openers typically unlock the entry on arrival, but keep lights off until open. Again, this is usually only a problem with drive-thru. A guest wanders in at 4:30 am.)

Guest: “Helloooo? Is anyone here? Helllllooooo!”

Coworker: “I’m sorry, ma’am, we’re not open yet. It’ll be another half hour before our registers will let us take orders.”

Guest: “Why wasn’t anyone watching the front?! I’ve been waiting five minutes to order a coffee!”

Coworker: “I’m sorry. It’s just we’re not open yet, so we didn’t expect anyone to be up here.”

Guest: “I want a coffee. Five cream, seven sugar, hazelnut flavor. Make sure it’s fresh. I don’t want something that’s been sitting out here, tasting all burnt.”

Coworker: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, we’re not open for another half hour. The register won’t let me take an order until at least five minutes to open.”

Guest: “I also want three donuts. Which ones are the freshest?”

Coworker: “Ma’am, we’re not open. All these donuts are fresh right now, but I can’t sell them. The registers won’t let me ring them in.”

Guest: “Why can’t you sell me donuts? Whatever. Just the coffee, five cream and seven sugar. FRESH. ”

(My coworker usually brews a pot when she gets in for herself, and seeing as this guest isn’t getting it, decides to make her drink anyway. Coworker warns her (again) our registers won’t ring anything in, so she’ll have to pay cash. She emphasizes this, and the guest agrees.)

Coworker: “”All right, so what size would you like that?”

Guest: “Hazelnut, five cream, seven sugar.”

Coworker: “Yes, but what size would you like it?”

Guest: “HAZELNUT. Five cream, seven sugar.”

Coworker: “Yes, a hazelnut coffee, but what SIZE would you like it? Small, medium, large?”

Guest: *almost shouting* “FIVE CREAM. SEVEN SUGAR!”

(My coworker gives up and starts making a medium. The guest watches and waits until my coworker is done to inform her she wanted a large. My coworker REMAKES it in a large, only to finish and have the guest demand a fresh pot, despite my coworker explaining the coffee was not even ten minutes old, and then she claims it is my coworker’s fault she has to remake it again because the guest had mentioned she wanted it fresh. Then the she tries to pay with card. Of course, we still have no way of processing this, and she’s upset. We basically give her coffee free to get her to leave. FINALLY, the guest starts to leave. She turns around at the last minute.)

Guest: “You guys forgot to turn on your lights. How do you even forget that? It’s dark as h*** in here!”

Me: “Oh, it’s fine. We turn them on when we open. We don’t open for another 15 minutes, so we have time.”

Guest: “You’re open now. Aren’t you open now?”

Me: “No… that’s why all the lights are off, the chairs are up, and the donut racks aren’t fully stocked, and why you needed to pay in cash.”

Guest: “If you’re closed, why did you make my coffee?”

(She finally left, shaking her head and grumbling how it shouldn’t be so hard to get a coffee.)

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Can’t Do Anything To Sweeten This Up

, | AK, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Time

(I work as the cake decorator in the bakery of a well known supermarket. This incident happens on a Tuesday — not one of our busy days — and I’m just working on making back-up cakes for the freezer. A lady comes up and says she has a question.)

Customer: “Can I order a cake and have it done today?”

Me: “It depends on the cake, but it shouldn’t be a problem.”

Customer: “Okay, well, I want this one.” *points to a two-tier detailed cake in the book*

Me: “Okay, not a problem. When would you like it by?”

Customer: “Noon.” *note, it’s currently 11:30 in the morning*

Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t have it done that soon, but I can do it by 12:30 at the earliest.”

Customer: “Really? Why can’t you have it done by noon? I NEED it by noon!”

Me: “I’m really sorry, ma’am. It takes a little time for a cake like that but I’d you’d like I can have it done by—”

Customer: “Jesus Christ! What good are you? Fine! I’ll just get a different one.”

(She proceeded to order a smaller much simpler cake, that could have been done in the half hour she gave me, to be picked up by four…)

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You’re Getting Warmer

| MI, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Technology

(In the time leading up to Thanksgiving each fall, our store carries supplies to cook a turkey: the fryer itself, peanut oil, etc. Last season a gentleman came in looking for a ‘cooker’ and I assumed this is what he wanted. I took him over to the shelf and this is how that conversation went:)

Me: “Here we are sir, turkey fryers!”

Customer: “No, no, this isn’t it. I mean, these are nice but the ones you had last year are what I’m looking for.”

Me: “These are the same style we carry every year. How was the other one different?”

Customer: “Well it didn’t use oil at all. Just two sticks.”

Me: “Two sticks?”

Customer: “Yeah, it was just a plate with two vertical sticks.”

Me: “Umm… I have to admit I’m a bit lost on this one. I’ve worked here for five years and the oil-type is the only turkey fryer we’ve had.”

Customer: “No, no. I’d like the style you had last year.”

Me: “Well, if you’d like to leave your information I’d be happy to check into special ordering you something. So it’s a flat plate and…?”

Customer: “Okay. So, it’s a flat plate with a cord sticking out of it, and two round tubes that stick straight up. I’m sorry, but this isn’t a pretty subject…”

Me: “Go ahead…”

Customer: *lowered voice* “Well, you can do two turkeys at once on it. You stick the tube up the turkey’s a**, plug it in, and it cooks it.”

Me: “…”

(After a few more moments of awkward conversation, I came to the conclusion the customer had made Thanksgiving dinner last year with a boot warmer.)

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Got A Chocolate Chip On Their Shoulder

| Minneapolis, MN, USA | Bizarre, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

Me: “Can I get you anything else today?”

Customer: “I’d like this with a meal, but with cookies instead of chips.”

Me: “All right. What kind of cookies?”

Customer: “Chocolate chip.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry; someone just bought the last ones. We have chocolate chip with M&M cookies instead if that’s all right.”

Customer: “Just chocolate chip.”

Me: “We’re out of those at the moment, like I just said, but we have all the other kinds of cookies available right now.”

Customer: “But I got chocolate chip yesterday.”

Me: “Well, we don’t have any right now.”

Customer: “But there were some yesterday. That’s what I got yesterday. Chocolate chip.”

Me: “Well, that was yesterday. TODAY we are out. We have all the other kinds, though.”

Customer: “…But yesterday I got chocolate chip.”

Me: “That’s not what you’re getting today. Not here, anyway.”

(The customer got M&M cookies instead and left looking supremely confused and angry with me for not giving him the chocolate chip cookies we didn’t have.)

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Arnold Palmer Says You’re At Tea Total

, | Marion, IN, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink

(I am at college, and my dad has come to visit. We decide to grab a quick bite to eat before he goes back home. Our order is being taken.)

Dad: “Can I have an Arnold Palmer?” *half lemonade half iced-tea*

Cashier: “We are not allowed to mix drinks, sorry.”

Dad: “Do you have lemonade?”

Cashier: “Yes.”

Dad: “Do you have iced-tea?”

Cashier: “Yes.”

Dad: “All right, then mix them!”

Cashier: “The lemonade is fresh and costs a different amount than the iced tea. I’m not allowed to mix drinks.”

Dad: “No one will know.”

Cashier: “It’s against the rules. Which would you like?”

Dad: “An Arnold Palmer.”

Cashier: “I cannot do that.”

Dad: “Yes, you can. You’re just too lazy to—”

Me: “Give it up, dad! She can’t do it. It’s not her fault. You’re probably not the first person to yell at her, and it didn’t change anything. If you want something to change, write to somebody who is in control of the company! It is not her fault!”

Dad: “It is her fault! I want an Arnold Palmer! [Other Restaurant] gives me Arnold Palmers!”

Me: “They have different rules.” *to Cashier* “He’ll get a number five with a lemonade. I’ll get a number five with an iced tea. Could you give us an extra cup?”

(Cashier nods and puts in the order, hands us receipt. My dad takes the receipt and a pen and starts scribbling angrily on the back.)

Me: “What are you doing?”

Dad: “Writing to management.”

Me: “You think they’ll take you seriously if you’re writing on a receipt?”

(My dad blushes, folds the receipt, and puts it in his pocket and goes to sit down. I apologize to the cashier, get the order, then go sit down with him. I take the extra cup and fill it half with iced-tea, half with lemonade, and hand it to him.)

Dad: “But [Other Restaurant] gives me an Arnold Palmer!”

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