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Category: Family & Kids

Been Reading To Him Since Way Before He Was Born

| Seattle, WA, USA | Books & Reading, Extra Stupid, Family & Kids

Customer: “Can you recommend a book for my son?”

Me: “Sure, how old is he?”

Customer: “Three.”

Me: “Okay. What’s he into?”

Customer: “I don’t know. I haven’t seen him in five years.”

Me: “Um, he’s three?”

Customer: “That’s what I said.”

Me: “But… you haven’t seen him in five years?”

Customer: “Yeah, messy divorce. I just moved back to Seattle. I used to read him bedtime stories.”

Me: “How old was he?”

Customer: “You know, like a toddler.”

Me: “I think you’re missing something. He was three when you left, but it’s five years later. Your son is eight now…”

Fools Give Vent To Their Rage

| Portland, OR, USA | Crazy Requests, Family & Kids, Hotels & Lodging, Movies & TV, Rude & Risque

(We have a full house of baseball teams, 14-16-year-old boys. At approximately 11 pm, a mother comes up to the front desk.)

Mother: “Why is there pornography on channel 16? We obviously didn’t order anything!”

(We don’t have the option to order movies or pornography, so we look up what channel this was and find out it’s our [Cable Channel] channel playing a movie called ‘Erotic Engagement.’)

Me: “Ma’am, that is our premium channel [Cable Channel], which is commonly known for playing adult themed movies this late at night. Our suggestion would be to keep an eye on your team as to not be watching [Cable Channel] this late at night.”

Mother: “That is not [Cable Channel]. That is graphic pornography. You either refund my stay or we will check out right now.”

Me: “Ma’am, I understand your frustration, but again, we do not have pornographic channels—”

Mother: “You obviously don’t know what you are talking about and now my child is scarred for life. I hope you are happy and I hope God strikes you down for your disregard for protecting us from that filth!”

Me: “Proverbs 29:11, if you want to get biblical. Have a nice night, ma’am.”

(The scripture states: ‘Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end.’)

In Line And Out Of Line, Part 6

| Chicago, IL, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Family & Kids

(I am around five and I am at the grocery store with my dad. We are waiting in line and it is long because only a few registers are open. When we are next to be rung up a business lady defiantly walks in front of me and my dad and proceeds to unload her cart.)

Me: “Hey, dad, that lady just budged us!”

(To this my dad replied loudly enough for everyone around us to hear:)

Dad: “Well, [My Name], it’s all right for her to do that because she is important. Far more important than we are. In fact, she probably works for the government and she has to cut in front of us because they need her to help save the world. So, don’t get angry that she walked in front of us like we didn’t exist because she’s way too important to the country to wait in line like a normal person. In fact, she probably doesn’t wait in line anywhere because lives could be lost if she doesn’t get her milk and eggs three minutes sooner.”

(At this point the cashier has stopped ring her items up and everyone around us was watching. The woman turned to us, a mixture of annoyed and embarrassed.)

Woman: “I, uh… You can go in front of me if you’d like…”

(My dad holds up his hand.)

Dad: “I would never, ma’am. Your time is far too important for us mere peasants to waste. You go off and keep protecting our country.”

(She was completely red as she finished her purchase and walked out quickly.)

Related:
In Line And Out Of Line, Part 5
In Line And Out Of Line, Part 4
In Line And Out Of Line, Part 3