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Category: Family & Kids

Hashtag STFU

| Canada | Family & Kids, Technology

(I’m scooping ice cream when four girls approach, probably in their early teens. One girl doesn’t look up from her cellphone the entire time.)

Girl #1: “Like, O-M-G. We should totes get ice cream.”

Girl #2: “We should! Hashtag delicious!”

(At this point I sort of do a double take as I have never heard anyone use ‘O-M-G’ and ‘hashtag’ in an actual sentence. )

Girl #3: “Totes hashtag guilty pleasure. Hashtag favourite food.”

Girl #1: “O-M-G . What flavors should we get? Hashtag decisions!”

Girl #3: “Hashtag double scoops. Hashtag muffin top! Let’s each get two scoops! We’re soooo bad!”

(They proceeded to get their ice cream and then I witnessed them all smooshed together outside the store taking selfies with their ice cream cones, all while making a duck face. I needed to take a break after that to regather my faith in humanity.)

Generation ZZZ

| Caledonia, NY, USA | Family & Kids

(I’m a lead cashier and I notice a teenage boy walking up and down the aisles, so I approach him.)

Me: “Can I help you find anything?”

Customer: “No. I’m just bored so I’m gonna look around in here for a while, because I have nothing else to do.”

(What a generation…)

It’s Time To End The Shift On A High

| Huntsville, AL, USA | Awesome Customers, Bizarre, Family & Kids

(I’m just finishing up a call with a pleasant customer, my last call for the day. Because of mandatory overtime, I’ve been at work for almost 12 hours straight and can’t wait to leave.)

Me: “Is there anything else I can help you with, sir?”

Customer: “Hang on. My daughter wants to ask you a question.”

Me: “Okay.”

(I hear the customer hand the phone to his daughter. She sounds very young: probably three or four.)

Girl: “Hi!”

Me: “Hi, there! How are you?”

Girl: “Good. Hey, do you know what time it is?”

Me: *playing along* “No, sweetie. What time is it?”

Girl: “It’s peanut butter jelly time! Peanut butter jelly time! Peanut butter jelly! Peanut butter jelly! Peanut butter jelly and a baseball bat!”

Customer: “Sorry about that. She just HAS to sing it every time I’m on the phone.”

Me: *laughing really hard* “It’s perfectly fine, sir. I can’t think of a better way to end my shift!”

Anti-Bigotry Bigotry

| Myrtle Beach, SC, USA | Bigotry, Family & Kids

(I am a male host at my father’s restaurant. My very flamboyant boyfriend has come to pick me up at the end of my shift.  I need to seat the customers first, so I asked him to step out of line.)

Customer: “How dare you!”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “That boy wants to eat in this restaurant, and you’re refusing him service because he’s gay?! Let me speak to your boss!”

(I go and fetch my dad, who’s having a hard time keeping the smile off his face.)

Dad: “What seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “That host is a homophobe! He asked that gay boy to move so he could seat the rest of us! I demand that you fire him!”

Dad: “First of all, that’s my son, and—”

Customer: “I guess you’re homophobic, too, then.  Huh? Did you teach him that homosexuality is wrong and disgusting?”

(She continues shouting abuse for a few minutes. My dad patiently waits until she was done talking.)

Dad: “Second of all, the gay boy he supposedly refused service to is his boyfriend, who is here to pick my son up for their date.”

Customer: “Oh, uh…”

(She politely apologized to all three of us, and told my boyfriend and me to have fun on our date. Moral of the story: Don’t assume that everything you see is a hate crime!)

Mother Knows Best And All

| New York, NY, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Family & Kids

(A somewhat well-known professional athlete and minor celebrity is making a home-delivery order. He is with an older woman.)

Me: “Did you find everything all right today?”

Customer: *grunts*

Me: “Can you please fill out this form for delivery?”

Customer: *grunts*

Me: “Your address where you’d like it delivered?”

Customer: “Uh…” *turns to woman* “Mom, what’s my address?”

(Gives address.)

Me: “… and your signature?”

Customer: “My what?”

Me: “Signature. Autograph?”

Customer: “Uh, oh, right!”

Me: “Can you please provide you cell phone number for the delivery?”

Customer: “Um…”

Me: “Your cell number?”

Customer: “Mom, what’s my cell phone number?”

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