Category: Family & Kids

Not Like A Kid In A Candy Store

| Lafayette, LA, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids, Food & Drink

(The candy store I work in is located in the mall, so it’s pretty common to hear young children excitedly realizing that there’s a candy store. Today is really no different, so I simply chuckle when I hear a young boy start shouting.)

Boy: “Look! It’s the candy store! Candy store!”

(However, what he says next is a bit unusual.)

Boy: “And it’s all free, too!”

(Shocked, I rush to intercept the boy before he can actually get into the store, as we have bins right by the door which are easy for children to get into.)

Boy: “Free candy! Free candy! Free candy!”

Me: *alarmed* “Nothing is free! Nothing is free!

(The boy freezes in his tracks, just barely inside the store, and stares at me as though I’d just told him he was never getting another birthday present for the rest of his life.)

Boy: *betrayed* “NONE of it?!”

Me: “None of it!”

(He stared at me for a moment, then turned around and slowly trudged off. I’m just glad I was able to stop him!)

Going To Go Over Like A Lead Balloon

| Dallas, TX, USA | Criminal & Illegal, Extra Stupid, Family & Kids

(I am at a sale in a store when I hear this exchange:)

Customer #1: *to Customer #2’s young son* “Aww, look, you’ve got a balloon!”

Customer #2: “Yeah, I stole it from a display.”

As Sick As A Parrot

| New York City, NY, USA | Family & Kids, Health & Body, Pets & Animals

(My friend is a small-mammal handler at a zoo. Today, she’s taken a particularly docile ferret out to let visitors encounter it first-hand. A couple comes in with a young child. I’m standing in the background.)

Mother: “Ooh, look, the zoo lady’s got a baby raccoon!”

Father: “That’s some sort of weasel!”

Child: “Mom, I wanna see the octopus.”

Mother: “Let’s go see the nice lady with the raccoon.”

Father: “Weasel.”

(The mother gives the father a look and then approaches my friend.)

Mother: “‘Excuse me, miss, what kind of animal is that?”

Friend: “This is a ferret. Her name is [Name] and she’s very friendly. You can pet her if you take care to avoid—”

Father: “Parrot!? That’s a weasel!”

Friend: “It’s a ferret. They’re in the weasel family, like—”

Father: “You sure?”

Friend: “Yes, very sure. Ferrets are among—”

Father: “Let’s go see the octopus, [Child].”

(They leave in a hurry. Curious, I follow them outside.)

Father: “D*** thing must have been sick. Pretty irresponsible of them to expose us to a sick parrot.”

Child: “Ferret.”

Father: “We just saw the parrot. I thought you wanted to see the octopus.”

Child: “Daddy, is your hearing aid on?”

They’re Back In Action

| MI, USA | Family & Kids, Funny Names, Technology

(A lady and her son come into the store I work at and promptly approached the counter to inquire about a certain item.)

Me: “How’s it going? Were you looking for anything tonight?”

Mother: “Yeah, my son, he needs the back to a P3.”

Me: *assuming she means PS3 parts* “Sorry, ma’am, we actually don’t sell parts here. You’d have more luck taking it up the road to another store to be repaired or checking online for it. ”

Mother: “NO, I need THE BACK to the P3.”

Me: “Did you need one of the cables that plug into the back? Like a power cable that plugs into the wall or the video cables that go from the back of the PS3 to the TV?”


Me: *showing her the power and AV cables* “Is this what you’re looking for?”

Mother: “No, did you find it yet?”

(Her son who was going through the PS3 accessories on display ever since they walked in, begins yelling:)

Son: “Look, Ma! The back! I found the back to the P3!”

(Lo and behold it was the first set of AV cables I showed the mother at the counter.. They left exclaiming how exciting it was to find the back of their PS3 they needed so they could use it again.)

Half A Mind To Watch What You Say

| Veron, NJ, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Language & Words

(A father and son check out books and DVDs.)

Me: “That’s it. Books are due in two weeks and the DVDs are due in one. But you can return the books at the same time as the DVDs are due, if you have a mind to. Thank you.”

(A few minutes later, as they go in the children’s room:)

Son: “What did she mean by that, Daddy?”

Father: “Well, I think she’s from down South and it’s just a saying…”

(I’m watching what “down South” expressions I use now…)

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