icon_familykids

Category: Family & Kids

icon_familykids

You Will Be Ejected From The Building

| Wales, UK | Family & Kids, Tourists/Travel

(I work in an aviation museum, and like to have a little banter with visitors as they buy tickets.)

Me: “Thank you. Please mind your heads on low wingtips; there’s a few sharp edges here and there. Some of the aircraft, you can sit in the cockpits, but please keep your eye on the youngsters and don’t let them press the ejection seat button.”

Parent: “Ha ha, the insurance goes through the roof.”

Me: “No, sir, the kid goes through the roof.”

icon_boardingschool

Has A Rock Solid Murder Plan

| CA, USA | Family & Kids, School

(I work as a swim teacher at my local swimming pool. My first lesson on a Saturday morning is two brothers, about three and four years old.)

Me: “Now, you want to move your arms like this, to pull the water!” *demonstrates*

Four-Year Old: *excitedly* “If I killed my brother with a rock in a river, the rock would be too heavy and drag me under, too!”

Me: “Okay… let’s work on some kicks.”

(Apart from this incident and occasionally hugging each other like koala bears, those two were great students!)

icon_goldenyears

Young And Free From Absolutely Nothing

| UK | Family & Kids

(I am 16 and have just left home due to difficult circumstances. I have a weekend job in an independent health food store. A customer walks in; there are two of us behind the till and she begins talking to the other member of staff.)

Customer: “I’ve had a terrible morning. I woke up to find the high winds had destroyed one of my fence panels, and then my husband couldn’t bring me to town so I had to wait for the bus in the rain…”

(She carries on the mundane story about everything wrong in her life. Then suddenly she looks at me and says:)

Customer: “You’re lucky you’re so young and don’t have any problems!”

icon_languagewords

Wait Until You’re 21 Tall

| NY, USA | Family & Kids, Language & Words

(This is my third year as a lifeguard at the local town pool. I am currently up on the stand overlooking the dive tank, which is 13 feet deep. A young boy, no more than six years old, walks up to me and this conversation ensues.)

Young Boy: “Mister?”

Me: “Hi, buddy, can I help you?”

Young Boy: “How deep is this?”

Me: “It’s 13 feet deep.”

Young Boy: “How deep is 13 feet?”

(We actually get this question a lot, so I usually compare it to the person’s height to give them a frame of reference.)

Me: “How tall are you?”

Young Boy: *after a couple seconds of intense thought* “Eight.”

Me: “You’re eight tall?”

Young Boy: *after a couple more seconds of intense thought* “Sometimes.”

Me: “Okay. You can’t stand in the water.”

Young Boy: “Oh, okay.” *walks away*

icon_criminals

Unpaid Delayed

| MN, USA | At The Checkout, Criminal & Illegal, Family & Kids

(I’m cashiering on a moderately busy day. My current customer is a young woman. Next in line is a mother with a boy beside her, who appears to be about seven years old, a boy who appears to be about two years old in the seat of the shopping cart, and two carts full of food. The seven-year-old is nagging at his mother, running around, and walking into the freezer for the bags of ice. The mom says nothing. I spot the seven-year-old grab several grapes from my current customer and eat them.)

Me: *to the seven-year-old* “You need to leave that alone.”

(The mom shoots me a dirty look. I grimace at my current customer and quietly apologize. She just shakes her head, indicating that she understands it’s not my fault and that she just wants to leave. Once I start ringing up the mom, I notice that they’ve already opened some bottles and their deli food. I’ve made it through the first cartload of food and have it bagged. The second cart has been unloaded and covered the entire belt when the mom suddenly appears to get fed up with her son.)

Mom: “That’s it. I’m done. I don’t wanna deal with this!”

(She grabs her half-eaten deli food, three bags of unpaid food, and begins to storm off with her two children. My next customer and the line of customers at the next register all gasp and stare in shock. I’m flabbergasted and our store policy states that I’m not allowed to try to stop thieves myself.)

Me: *calling after her* “Ma’am, you still need to pay for your stuff!”

(She waves back at me sarcastically and exits the store. I stare at the mountains of food left behind, much of which has to stay refrigerated or it’ll get thrown away. I smile apologetically at my next customer in line.)

Me: “Um, uh, I’m sorry. I have to get all this food moved and you’re welcome to wait if you want to, but, uh, I have no idea how long I’ll be.”

Customer: *nods understandingly* “I think I’ll just go to another line.”

Me: “Thank you. I’m sorry!”

(I paged my supervisor to my till and explained to them what happened. A manager and security had to be called over to document it. I was told that I did the right thing not going after her and also that it was great that I tried to call her back. One coworker came over to start putting all the refrigerated and frozen food away. We were still slow, so I offered to help her put them away and my supervisor told me to go ahead. It took the two of us over thirty minutes to put everything away and we only had to damage out three food items.)

Page 6/217First...45678...Last