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Category: Family & Kids

The Paint Is In Aisle Five; Prepare To Die

| TX, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids, Movies & TV

(My 20-year-old son goes to a craft store with me. He has long hair, pulled back in a ponytail, slightly ratty jeans, and an oversized t-shirt with a small name-tag which says ‘hello my name is Inigo Montoya.’)

Random Customer: *approaches my son* “Where are the buttons?”

(My son turns at looks at me, with a ‘help me’ expression. I walk over.)

Me: “The buttons are over that way.”

(My son and I look at each other and laugh. We then go to a second craft store.)

Other Random Customer: *approaches my son* “Where is the paint?”

(Again I was able to point the woman in the right direction. My son vowed never again to shop while wearing that shirt.)

Sunday Funday

| London, England, UK | Extra Stupid, Family & Kids

Customer: “It’s a Sunday! You all shouldn’t be working; I feel so sorry for you.”

Me: “I’d rather be home, but the shops stay open so we have to work.”

Customer:  “Why don’t they just stay closed?”

Me: “Well if people didn’t shop on Sundays, there would be no need for us to open.”

Customer: “They should cancel all Sunday shopping so that you can be home with your family.”

Me: “I’d sure love that! Maybe you should be home with yours, too?”

Customer: “But my family is here! We’re all shopping together!”

You’d Be A Fool Not To

| Bay Area, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Family & Kids

(A woman and her six-year-old son walk into my store. She asks my coworker for help, while her son makes his way over to a case containing common and semi-precious stones. They are the only two in the store, so I have fun showing him some of the stones. He has picked up an egg-shaped piece of pyrite – also known as fool’s gold.)

Son: “Mom! Can I have it?!”

Mom: “I don’t know, baby. How much is it?”

Me: “It’s [price under $5], ma’am.”

Son: “So can I, Mama? Pleeeaaassseee?”

Mom: “Why do you want it so badly?”

Son: *looks thoughtful for a moment* “Because it’s AMAZING, and I want to fill my room with AMAZING things.”

Mom: *almost under her breath* “Well, I don’t see how I can argue with that.”

Underwear Unaware

| PA, USA | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Liars & Scammers

(My place of work is fairly well known in my town and the surrounding area. My boss’s wife occasionally works in the shop.)

Customer: “Oh, you know, I’m great friends with [Boss]. We go way back.”

Boss’s Wife: “Oh, really? That’s funny, because I’ve been washing his underwear for ten years and I have absolutely no idea who you are!”

Depressing Customer Service

| CO, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Family & Kids, Health & Body

(A customer and her five-ish-year-old son are checking out at my register. There is a magazine display nearby. One of the magazines’ cover is a tribute to a comedian who recently committed suicide.)

Customer’s Son: *pointing at the magazine* “Mommy, he died. Did you know he died?”

Customer: “Yes, it was very sad.”

Son: “He committed suicide. What does ‘committed suicide’ mean?”

Customer: “It means he hurt himself badly. Now, let’s go.

Son: “He hurted himself and died? I don’t understand. Can I skin my knee and die?!”

Customer: “No, it’s not like that. He was very sad.”

Son: “What? He died of being sad? Why was he sad? Someone said he was ‘depressed.’ What is ‘depressed?'”

Customer: *to me* “Can you explain this to him? I don’t want to.”

Me: “Um, well, I don’t really feel comfortable doing that; I’m sorry.”

Customer: “What? I hate this store. You’re so unhelpful. I’ll be talking to your corporate office.” *drags son out the door*

(I think even corporate will agree that explaining mental illness to a customer’s five-year-old is not my job.)

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