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Category: Family & Kids

Fixing For A Fixing

| London, England, UK | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Bigotry, Family & Kids, Hall of Fame

(In my local supermarket, there’s a very nice chap who usually works behind the tobacco counter. I have no idea what his preference is, but he’s obviously flamboyant and camp. He’s also always very friendly and helpful to everyone.)

Angry Customer: “God, that f****** [homophobic slur] is so slow!”

(Everyone else in the queue turns in astonishment, not sure that they just heard that. The angry customer continues ranting:)

Angry Customer: “Those d*** gays; they’re everywhere! I don’t know what’s wrong with—OW! OW!”

(We all look down to see a five year old standing there, kicking the ranting guy hard in the shins, repeatedly.)

Child: “You’re—” *kick* “—not—” *kick* “—a—” *kick* “—nice—” *kick* “—man—” *kick*

(The angry customer grabs the child, to the complete shock of everyone watching, at which point he is tackled by several people.)

Angry Customer: “I have my rights! I have been assaulted!”

(The police arrive very quickly, and calm the situation.)

Policeman: *to angry customer* “Well, we’ve heard from all these people that you grabbed and then tried to hit that little girl. Is that true?”

Angry Customer: “I demand you arrest her! She attacked me! She’s guilty of assault!”

Policeman: “She’s five! She can’t legally commit any crime. You, on the other hand, have assaulted a small child and are now under arrest.”

(The best bit of the entire story? Various people offered to buy the little girl some sweets.)

Little Girl: “No! I don’t want sweets. I want this!”

(She has a cheap 50-piece toolset with screwdrivers, pliers, and so-on. We confirm with her mum that it is okay to buy that for her at that age.)

Mum: “Sure, why not? You’ve already seen that she likes fixing things.”

Thank You For Calling The North Pole

| Dublin, Ireland | Family & Kids, Holidays, Theme Of The Month

Me: “Good evening. You’re through to [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I mean it. It’s really him!”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “It’s really Santa Claus!”

(I now realize the customer is speaking to someone on his end. I hear gasping on his end.)

Me: “Sir, did you redial this number by accident?”

Customer: *still talking to his child* “Yes, yes, Santa. Jack is being naughty.”

Me: “Put me on speaker.”

Customer: “Jack, Santa wants to talk to you.”

(Puts me on speaker.)

Me: *in my best Santa voice* “Ho ho ho, Jack, you be good now so your Dad will let me bring lots of presents to you this year.”

Tiny Voice: “Yes, Santa, I promise.”

(Clicks off speaker.)

Customer: “Thanks for that. Couldn’t get him to go to bed.”

Me: “No problem. Merry Christmas.”

A Healthy Uptake In Coupons

| London, UK | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Money

(Customer hands over £12 worth of healthy living vouchers which can only be used on milk and fruit & vegetables when she has only purchased crisps and other ‘junk’ food.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but we’re unable to accept these coupons as you haven’t bought any of the products listed.”

Customer: “But I need to feed my child.”

Me: “Yes, but you’ve not bought £12 worth of fruit and veg or milk.”

Customer: “But my child doesn’t eat fruit and vegetables. He prefers to eat crisps.”

Me: “Yes, but the coupons are specifically provided by the government to promote healthy eating.”

Customer: “Well, how am I supposed to use the coupons, then? My child is a toddler now and doesn’t eat fruit or vegetables any more. I want to speak to a manager!”

(The manager basically reiterated what I had said and she threatened to contact Head Office. We never heard anything from Head Office.)

Enough To Bring A Teal To Your Eyes

| WI, USA | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Top

(I volunteer for our local museum during a popular traveling Sherlock Holmes exhibit. When it is slow, I will walk along with visitors and chat. I am walking with a young mom and her four-year-old daughter. They love the exhibit, and go to the gift shop. I am on a break and stop by the gift shop to say hi to the woman working the register.)

Little Girl: “Hey! You are the lady that helped us!”

Me: “Yes, I am. Did you find anything?”

(She shows me a handful of marbles, one in every color we offered.)

Little Girl: “What is your favorite color?”

Me: “I really like the teal ones.”

(She scampers away, and I don’t think much of it as I have these conversations with kids a lot. I am talking with the mom when her daughter comes back.)

Little Girl: “Here! This is for you!”

(She hands me a teal marble.)

Me: “it’s beautiful, thank you!”

Little Girl: “It’s a friendship marble. Now we’ll always be friends!”

Mom: “[Little Girl] and I are on our own. Her dad left us when she was born and I’ve been trying to make sure she has great values.”

Me: “You’ve done an amazing job! She is a real gem; I loved talking with you today!”

(I slip the cashier money to pay for the girl’s marbles, and when she is told her marbles are free, she tears up.)

Little Girl: “Mom and I don’t have a lot of money; we saved just to come here!”

Me: “Well, in that case…”

(I refunded their admission and paid for it myself. I made sure they got two free passes for the museum for their next visit, and they came and saw me for the next exhibit. The little girl was just as pleasant as she was the first time. And the teal marble? She had it in her pocket, and since I carry mine in my purse, I had mine that day as well.)

Annoyingly Consistent

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Money

(I am sitting on the registers as the main cashier for the day when an older woman marches up to my counter.)

Me: “Good morning. How are you today?”

Customer #1: “I don’t have time for this chit chat. I just want to pay for this jar of coffee and go as I am in a hurry.”

(I scan the item and tell the customer the price of the item.)

Me: “That’ll be [total price].”

Customer #1: “Excuse me? How much?”

Me: “Um, the total for the jar of coffee is [total price].”

Customer #1: “That is far too much money; I’ll go choose another one.”

(The customer storms off leaving the original jar of coffee with me. I put it to the side of my register and serve several other customers during the customer’s absence. Another customer unpacks her groceries onto my till and I greet her.)

Me: “Hello. How are you?”

Customer #2: “I am good, thank you. How are you?”

Me: “I am very good, thanks.”

(Before I could start to scan Customer #2’s items, Customer #1 returns and slams a jar of coffee onto my register completely cutting in front of Customer #2. I notice the jar of coffee she has now selected is identical to her previous one.)

Customer #1: “I am next! Not this lady! Now, I want this coffee.”

Customer #2: “I don’t mind. Let her go first.”

(Customer #1 looks at Customer #2. Her eyes go wide for a moment. I interject.)

Me: “This is the same brand and size as the coffee you wanted before.”

Customer #1: “No, it is not. This one is cheaper than the previous one.”

(I scan the coffee and sure enough it is the same price as the one earlier.)

Me: “That’ll be [total price].”

Customer #1: “See? Much better.”

(After Customer #1 walks out of the shop Customer #2 begins laughing hysterically.)

Customer #2: “Sorry. I shouldn’t laugh, but she used to be my mother-in-law before my divorce and I am so glad she is annoying to everyone!”

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