Category: Family & Kids

A Winning Counter-Threat

| USA | Bad Behavior, Criminal & Illegal, Family & Kids

(We have a client who frequently calls and threatens to send her father to our firm because her case isn’t resolved, in spite of us telling her repeatedly that she has to wait for the final hearing which has been scheduled. Her father also repeatedly threatens us as well. I’ve finally had enough with this phone call.)

Client’s Father: “If you don’t file a [name of motion] by TODAY, I’m going to come down there personally, and we’ll see what happens!”

Me: “Good. I’ve been looking for a reason to call the police.”

Client’s Father: “What? You can’t do that! Attorney-client privilege!”

Me: “See, here’s the thing Mr. [Name]: you are NOT the client. Furthermore, I’m the paralegal. I don’t get paid enough to deal with your threats. If I quit, the attorney has no one to deal with your abuse. If you come in and threaten me, I have every right to fear for my safety and take actions to ensure I am safe.”

Client’s Father: “WHY YOU B****! I’LL TEACH YOU—”

Me: *interrupting him* “FURTHERMORE, your daughter is in the middle of a custody battle with her ex being represented by one of the loudest attorneys in town. How do you think a criminal charge will affect her case?”

Client’s Father: “DON’T YOU DARE SPEAK TO ME LIKE THAT!”

Me: “Likewise. Show up at the office and I’ll call the police, and you’ll lose your case. If you have a problem, take it up with the attorney. I’m not dealing with you anymore.”

Client’s Father: “HOW DARE YOU!” *I hang up mid-sentence*

(He never did come in to threaten me… and he never did complain either!)

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Bad Behavior Is A Vicious Cycle

| Danbury, CT, USA | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids

(I’m working in the produce section of my store, which is where the main entrance is. A girl, who is about nine years old, rolls into the store riding her bicycle)

Me: “Sorry, you can’t ride your bike through the store.”

Girl: “Why not?”

Me: “Because it’s dangerous. You might run into someone.”

Girl: “So what?”

Me: “I’m very sorry, but the bike has to go outside.”

Girl: “You can go to Hell!”

Girl’s Mom: “Haha, kids are funny, right?”

Me: “…”

(They took the bike outside after, then came back in and stared me down while shopping.)

A Minefield Of Stupidity

, | Pákozd, Hungary | Extra Stupid, Family & Kids, History

(There is an exhibit on the conscription in the memorial park, and in that unit we also have a part attributed to the demolition experts, with panels about mine clearing, explosives, and projectiles. Since Hungary was a war zone under both World Wars, and the neighbouring countries also have/had local wars, there are plenty of these mines, projectiles, and bombs scattered around, still dangerous; most of the time, they are found in public places, even at schoolyards and nurseries, fields, rivers, etc. Because of this, we are obligated to give a small but thorough speech about the most common dangers. Be advised that generally people receive similar warnings at school, preschool, and even in the media. As it seems, it is not effective:)

Me: *finishing my spiel about what to do* “…so, if you find any of these, you just leave it in peace, and call an adult.”

Mother: *cupping her daughter’s ears, so she cannot hear me* “Don’t worry, honey, this isn’t true anymore…”

Me: *speechless*

Father: “Oh, I think I have one or two of these at home!” *points at one of the smaller bombs* “But they are intact… I mean, they are whole, not distorted like these…”

Me: *hoping he bought a replica* “Oh? Where did you get them?”

Father: “Well, I was ploughing, and they just sort of came out of the ground.”

Me: *alarmed* “And where did you put them?”

Father: “In the garage, I think…”

Seven-Year-Old Son: “Yes, they are there. I usually play with them!”

Me: *agitated* “Please, sir, as soon as you get home, don’t enter the garage and call the police!”

Father: “Why?”

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Tipped In Your Favor

| FL, USA | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids

(I’m in a restaurant when a 20-something girl comes up to the waitress taking my order.)

Patron: “Excuse me.”

Waitress: “Is there a problem?”

Patron: “No, I just wanted to forewarn you that my grandmother is going to give you a hard time and probably complain about everything. I know that it’s frustrating dealing with those kinds of customers but she’s old and set in her ways which I know is no excuse, but please just take it with a grain of salt. And here:” *the girl hands the waitress two 20s* “because I know she probably won’t tip very well and you’ll need some incentive not to bludgeon her with a hot poker.”

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Putting You In The Hot Seat

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | Family & Kids, Movies & TV

(I am working selling tickets at a movie theater, when an older gentleman and his teenage granddaughter come in.)

Customer: “I need two tickets for [Popular Movie].”

Me: “Of course. If you could please select your seats on the screen below?”

(I indicate the screen facing him showing the remaining seats for the movie. There are hardly any, because the movie is very popular.)

Customer: “No, no, no. These are not good seats. Give us two tickets for the next showing.”

Me: “Absolutely. We have the movie running in multiple theaters, because it is so popular, and the next showing is in a theater about half the size of the previous one, but lots of good seats still available.”

Customer: “What? No. No, no, no. This is too small. How do you have a theater this small? No. I will not watch a movie on a screen that small. Seat me in the IMAX.”

Me: “I’m sorry; we’re not an IMAX theater.”

Customer: “That’s ridiculous. How are you not IMAX?”

Me: “I suppose we don’t have the room.”

Customer: “What is your biggest theater?”

Me: “Um, that’d be about 300 seats.”

Customer: “That. Seat me in that.”

Me: “That’s our next showing, the first one you tried to get. It’s almost sold out.”

Customer: “No, no, no. That’s no good. There are no good seats there! What is your second biggest? Seat me there!”

Me: *checking* “Our next biggest theater is currently showing [Children’s Movie].”

Customer: “That’s not what I want to see! Why are you playing that in the big theater?”

Me: “Many people want to see that movie; it’s been doing quite well.”

Customer: “Ridiculous. What’s the next biggest? Seat me there!”

Me: “That theater is showing [Horror Movie].”

Customer: “Tch! No! I want to see [Popular Movie]! [Popular Movie]!”

Me: “What if we got you tickets for the next showing of [Popular Movie] in our largest theater?”

Customer: “Yes. Finally, some help! Do that!”

Me: *pulling up the seating chart for that movie, which is still mostly empty at this point* “All right. This showing is three hours from now, though.”

Customer: “What?! No! That’s too long to wait! This is ridiculous. Ridiculous! Give us two tickets to the next showing in the big theater!”

Me: “All right, but, again, you did not seem to like the available seats for that show time.”

Customer: “I don’t care; I won’t watch anything on a small screen!”

(I pull up the original seat selection screen. While he has been arguing, a number of seats have sold, and now, there are only single seats available.)

Me: “I’m sorry; we only have single seats available.”

Customer’s Granddaughter: *suddenly jumping in* “That’s fine! That’s fine. We don’t have to sit together. It’s fine!”

Customer: *smug look, as if he’s won something* “Yes, we will take these seats. In the big theater.”

(They ended up with two single seats near the very front of the theater. I don’t blame the granddaughter for not wanting to sit with him, though!)

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