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Category: Family & Kids

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First-Born Going The Way Of The Check

| Allentown, PA, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids

(I’m helping a family shop at our little store, and they’re now at the cash register. Because the store is small, they’re the only customers.)

Father: *gesturing to his daughter* “By any chance, do you take firstborn children as payment?”

Me: *with the straightest face I can manage* “Well, we used to; that’s how they got me.”

Coworker: *chiming in* “And that’s why we don’t take them anymore.”

Father: *laughing* “That’s all right. She’s the middle kid, anyway!”

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You’re His Puppet

| CT, USA | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids

(I am on line duty at the cafeteria at an arts camp. Since the wait can be a long time, I try to entertain the kids by talking to them. Note that the campers are given a lot of freedom and there are very few rules. The kid in this story is nine or ten.)

Me: “What did you do today?”

Camper: “Well, I got thrown out of Puppetry.”

Me: “You did? How did that happen?”

Camper: “I don’t know. I didn’t know they could do that. I don’t think counselors should be allowed to kick us out.”

Me: “Well, they can, if you’re being disruptive to the other kids.”

Camper: “Yeah, but I still don’t think it should be allowed, because campers are more important than counselors. You know why? One, because we’re kids, and two, because without us, you wouldn’t have jobs.”

(I wish I had told him that without counselors he wouldn’t have a camp, but I was so dumbfounded I just stared. I later talked to my friend who worked in Puppetry, and she told me they had to kick him out almost every day because he was so disruptive.)

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Talking Trash About Trash

| Sweden | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids

(I volunteer at a kiosk whenever our local soccer team is playing. We have two trash cans and one recycle bin, but despite the fact that there’s a large sign over it that says “CANS ONLY!” people always throw their trash in the recycle bin anyway. Today, an old man and a five-year-old boy are at the game, cheering for their team. The boy is just about to throw away an empty bag of chips.)

Old Man: “Throw it in there.” *points at recycle bin*

Boy: “But, Grandpa, it says “Cans Only.” Shouldn’t I throw it in there instead?” *points to trash can*

Old Man: “Why? It’s not our job! Leave it to those who work here!”

(He then proceeds to look at me with a smug smirk. Well done, sir, for teaching your grandchild that you don’t have to be responsible if you’re not a worker.)

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Not Behaving Very Lice-ly

| Grand Prairie, TX, USA | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Health & Body

(I am the customer. I am sitting down getting my hair cut. I notice a family with a small child sitting in the chair next to mine. I only notice the conversation when the mother starts to yell.)

Mother: “How dare you accuse my daughter of having lice? You have upset her now. This is bull-s***!”

Stylist: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I didn’t mean to upset your daughter, I was only trying to let you know that I cannot cut her hair until this is treated.”

Mother: “You should have spoken to me softly. Now everyone in this place knows my poor daughter is dirty.”

(At this point everyone in the salon is looking and listening.)

Stylist: “Ma’am, again, I am sorry. This is easily treatable. All you need is…”

Mother: “F*** you! I’m going to have you fired for this. My husband will be livid when I tell him. Now I am going to have to go and buy her a treat to calm her down.”

(During this whole exchange the child has just sat there like she couldn’t care less. The mother leaves with the child. Not a few seconds later a man rushes in obviously angry.)

Man: “Who the f*** do you think you are treating my family this way? Has anyone ever told you it’s rude to tell people’s business out loud?”

Stylist: “Sir, I am sorry; I meant no offense, and I spoke as softly as possible.”

Man: “Stop arguing with me; the customer is always right and I demand compensation.”

Me: “I’m sorry for interrupting but I never heard this woman say anything about that little girl having lice until your wife starting yelling and I was sitting right next to her.”

(The man stared at me and was in shock. He then stormed out threatening to sue.)

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Baby, Don’t Come Back

| Enfield, London, UK | Bizarre, Family & Kids

(I am a customer in this story, observing another customer. As I am walking into the shop to order, a young woman with a baby in a pram cuts in front of me and walks up to the counter.)

Woman: *to the server at the counter* “Look at my baby! He’s so cute!”

Server: “Yes! How lovely.”

Woman: “Look at how he’s dressed up! So cute!”

Server: “Aww.”

(The woman continues to talk about how cute her baby is for a minute, oblivious to the fact that I am waiting to order. There is now also another customer in line behind me.)

Server: “Er, did you want to order anything?”

Woman: “Oh, no, I just wanted to show you my baby.” *walks out of shop*

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