Category: Family & Kids

Not A Fruitful Theft

| Sydney, NSW, Australia | At The Checkout, Criminal & Illegal, Family & Kids, Food & Drink

(My boss is quite good at the whole catching-people-stealing thing. He gets pretty fed up with it all the time but usually see the funny side of what people try to steal.)

Boss: *on the phone* “Hey, [My Name], keep an eye on the family in the fruit section right now. They picked up some meat and some soft drink bottles, but I can’t see where they put them. Might just be under the pram, but check when they come though.”

(The family comes up to my coworkers till, so I take over.)

Me: “Hi, how are you today?”

Mother: “Fine.”

Me: “Well, that’s good. Just the banana and apples today?”

Mother: “Yes.”

(Having spied the top of a coke bottle sticking out from a baby’s blanket, I decide to politely point it out.)

Me: “Oh, sorry, that coke bottle; I did not see you come in with it. Did you just forget to add it?”

Mother: “You stupid b****, I came in with it. Just what are you accusing me of?”

Me: “I did not mean to offend, but often people just simply forget.”

Mother: “It’s from home. Now hurry up, silly girl, and don’t you smart mouth me again.”

(At this point my boss has quietly come from the back and stands behind me.)

Boss: “You can hand back the meat in your son’s pants as well.”

Mother: “YOU RACIST PIG!”

Boss: “Well, I have you on camera attempting to steal, so either drop what you have now and get out, or pay for everything and get out, but in any case do not ever come back into my store or I will call the police.”

Mother: “I HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG!”

Boss “I’m sure the police won’t agree with you. OUT!”

Thinks Very Highly Of Your Cakes

| USA | Crazy Requests, Criminal & Illegal, Family & Kids, Food & Drink

(I work as a cake decorator at a well known and respectable bakery. We take orders over the phone, as well as in person. One day, I received an unusual phone call. After writing down the basics of her order…)

Woman: “Can you make it a pot cake?”

Me: “What do you mean?”

Woman: “Can you put the pot in it?”

Me: “You mean you want marijuana baked into your cake?”

Woman: “Yes! A lot of it.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we don’t do that.”

Woman: “Well, can you at least draw a pot leaf on the top of the cake?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I am not allowed to do that, either. I can decorate it with a different picture, or write something on it if you want.”

Woman: “Okay, then write on it.”

Me: “What do you want it to say?”

Woman: “Happy Birthday, Mom.”

Living In Her Own Bubble(Gum)

| Glasgow, Scotland, UK | Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Health & Body

(I work as a cashier. A mother and daughter approach my till, and I can hear them arguing.)

Daughter: “I want the gum!”

Mother: “You can’t have it.”

Daughter: “But I want it!”

Mother: “Tough. Chewing gum is a filthy habit, and I won’t let you start.” *turns to me* “Twenty [Brand] cigarettes, please.”

Sticking To Her Expectations

| USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink

(I work at a chain grocery store. I’d just gotten out of work and went to a gas station to put gas in my car. As I was sliding my card, I suddenly hear yelling from behind me. I turn around to see a little girl, four years old, tops, in a pink dress, bolting across the parking lot, her father hot in pursuit.)

Girl: “Hi! Are you from the store?”

Me: “Yep!”

Girl: *hands on hips* “Do you have something for me?”

(Our cashiers often give stickers to kids. She must be a regular customer with her parents.)

Me: “Sorry, hun, I left all my stickers at the [Company]’s store. Next time you come in, ask for [My Name] and I’ll give you a lot of stickers, okay?”

Girl: “Okay.” *she thinks about this, and then looks up at me* “Why are you not at the [Company]’s store? Don’t you live there?”

Me: *trying not to laugh* “I just needed to put some gas in this car. Is that okay with you?”

Girl: *nodding thoughtfully* “Yes, I guess you can do that if you want to.”

(Her dad finally caught up to her and picked her up and started apologizing profusely, but I just smiled and said she made my day. I told her that she had to listen to her dad from now on and she agreed.)

French Disconnection, Part 3

| France | Family & Kids, Language & Words

(I’m a waitress in a fancy restaurant when four tourists come in: a father, his son, his daughter, and their stepmom. They sit down and are looking over the menu. While French is my primary language I also speak English very well.)

Daughter: “Oh, dear! I can’t understand this. Can one of you guys help me?”

Son: “Of course, sis. Here…”

(He begins translating the whole menu while the dad is also listening in. The stepmom on the other hand looks really bored and annoyed. Finally, the girl has made up her mind.)

Girl: “Thank you, [Son]. What would I do without you?”

Stepmom: “I’m quite fluent myself! Here! Let me prove it.”

(She flags me over with a snap of the fingers, and the four start ordering. To my delight, the four of them, despite the earlier worries, do a great job ordering. Finally, the stepmom hands me the menu and smirks at her stepdaughter.)

Stepmom: “Listen to this.”

(She turns and says something. To her surprise, we are all laughing like crazy.)

Stepmom: “What? Why are you laughing?”

Me: “Ma’am. You just said ‘my son is a cardboard box.'”

(The lady hangs her head in shame for the rest of the meal. When it is time to go, the daughter tips me generously.)

Daughter: “Thank you for putting my stepmom in her place. She took us on this trip to prove she was supreme, but this made the trip amazing!”

Related:
French Disconnection, Part 2
French Disconnection

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