Category: Family & Kids

Does It Look Like I Give A Thank?

| Boston, MA, USA | Family & Kids, Language & Words, Popular, Rude & Risque

(A family with two small children is sitting at a table across from me eating pizza. The father has been serving slices cut in half to the children, who look to be around three years old.)

Mother: “What do you say to daddy, sweetheart?”

Little Girl: “F*** you!”

Mother: “No, no, honey. You mean ‘Thank you!'”

Little Girl: “Fank you!”

Mother: *to me* “She’s still learning.”

Diarrhea Of A Wimpy Kid

| ID, USA | Books & Reading, Family & Kids, Health & Body

(We get quite a few kids at our library, which we encourage as it promotes literacy. Unfortunately, that does mean we get some unusual requests for books, and it doesn’t help that sometimes younger kids don’t pronounce things very well. Case in point…)

Kid: “Do you have any diarrhea books?”

Me: “…What?”

Kid: “Diarrhea books!”

Kid’s Mom: “He means Diary of a Wimpy Kid books.”

Me: “Oh, phew, good. The only ‘diarrhea’ book I know of is Everybody Poops. But Diary of a Wimpy Kid books are this way…”

Outer Their Minds

| Australia | Crazy Requests, Family & Kids, Popular

(I work in a very popular retail clothing store that sells both men’s and women’s underwear and outerwear clothing. We are very famous for our good-quality underwear. For that reason we aren’t exactly the cheapest place but we always have special sales on, and they rotate every two weeks. The week before we had a successful 40% off sale on all women’s items, including underwear. This week, the 40% sale has ended and it’s changed to 30% off all men’s and women’s outerwear. We have signs everywhere that say this. A family consisting of a grandmother, mother, and teenage daughter have come in, and I’ve just finished fitting the daughter looking for her first true bra.)

Me: “So, this size should be fine for you! And it’ll be good for your school uniform, too; the colour won’t show through your blouse.”

Mum: “Sounds great! You’ve got us sold. We’ll take two.”

Me: “Fantastic, let’s ring it up at the counter.”

(We go to the counter, and have a pleasant chat.)

Me: “Okay thanks guys, for the two bras it’s $64.00.”

Grandma: “Oh, no, dear. That can’t be right. They’re 40% off.”

Me: “Oh, I’m so sorry. That sale ended last week. Our new sale is 30% off all men’s and women’s outerwear.” *I point to the nearest sign, one of 40 around the relatively small store*

Grandma: “Oh, in that case then, sorry. But that still isn’t right. That means the bras are 30% off.”

Me: “Oh, sorry for the confusion, but the sale relates to outerwear only. Clothing. No underwear.”

Grandma: “Yes, so the bras are still 30% off.”

Me: *getting confused* “No, ma’am. I’m sorry, but in our store bras are classed as underwear and therefore aren’t included in the sale.”

Grandma: *suddenly goes from sweet little old lady to monster* “WELL, THEN! THAT’S DECEPTIVE ADVERTISING! I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU WOULD PUT SO MANY SIGNS UP SAYING YOU HAVE A SALE FOR CLOTHING AND THEN NOT FOLLOW THROUGH WITH IT! THE ONLY REASON WHY WE CAME TO THIS OVERPRICED PLACE IN THE FIRST PLACE WAS FOR THE SALE! YOU SHOULD TAKE THESE SIGNS DOWN. THAT—” *points to our rack of bras* “—IS CLOTHING! THEREFORE, YOU SHOULD PUT THEM IN THE SALE! SO DO IT!”

Mum: “You know my mum does have point…”

Me: *stunned and getting angry at being yelled at for these customers’ stupidity* “I’m sorry, ma’am, but as bras are underwear and therefore not classed as clothing and outerwear, I am not able to put it through on sale.”

Mum: “Can we speak to your manager about this?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but my manager is on her lunch break.”

Grandma: “Well, then, cancel everything. We’re not paying for overpriced junk through false advertising. C’mon, ladies, we’re going to [Competitor].”

(I’m shaking my head when my manager comes back from her lunch break and sees the disgruntled family leave the store.)

Manager: “What happened?”

(I explain the situation and she looks stunned, and then starts laughing.)

Manager: “What idiots. What do you do when you say when you’re going to go put clothes on? Just walk out in your knickers and bra?”

Me: “Well, that grandma must.”

Trying To Milk Some Tomorrow Out Of Today

| USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Health & Body, Liars & Scammers, Popular

(The lady in line in front of me is making a complaint to a confused cashier. The lady is complaining about the milk her grandson got with his breakfast meal. Her husband is sitting at a table nearby with her grandson lying on top of the table holding his stomach and moaning.)

Lady: *slams the EMPTY milk bottle on the counter* “Do you people know how to read dates? This milk is expired and now my grandson is sick! This is your fault. If I have to take him to the ER, I’m sending the bill to you!”

Cashier: “I’m sorry, ma’am. You said the milk was expired? I checked it myself.”

Lady: “Well, you obviously don’t know what today’s date is then, idiot. Manager, now!”

Cashier: *literally running from the register* “Yes, ma’am!”

Lady: *turns to me* “These morons can’t get anything right. And they want $15 an hour!”

Manager: “What seems to be the problem?”

Lady: “That idiot gave my grandson expired milk. I demand all of my money back and I’m sending the ER bill here. It is obvious my grandson has food poisoning!”

Manager: *in a patient and calm tone* “Ma’am, what is today’s date?”

Lady: “You don’t know the date either? Morons leading morons! It is [today’s date].”

Manager: “And what’s the date on that milk?”

Lady: “It says [tomorrow’s date]. See, it is expired! It smelled bad and had chunks in it. My grandson is so sick. I demand my money back now. Hurry up so I can take him to the hospital.”

Manager: “Yeah, not going to happen. You don’t get to insult my cashier or me when you are the one that can’t figure out that tomorrow comes AFTER today. The milk doesn’t expire until tomorrow, meaning it is still good today. Your grandson drank all of it so it couldn’t have had a strange smell or texture. And your grandson is likely sick from the three doughnuts you let him eat in addition to the croissant and hash browns. Get out.”

(The lady is literally dragged out of the store by her husband who is also dragging their grandson by his coat.)

Me: “Wow. Some people just suck. Don’t worry, not everyone is an a**hole.”

(I dropped $1 in the tip jar immediately and was as kind as possible to the terrified cashier. When the manager handed me my meal, I found a note saying “Thanks for not being an a**-hole!” with an extra doughnut in the bag.)

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Weeding Out The Bad Guests

| USA | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Hotels & Lodging

(It is about two in the morning when I get a call from one of the rooms.)

Guest: “Excuse me, but I smell WEED! Someone’s smoking!”

Me: “I’m very sorry about that, ma’am. We are a non smoking hotel.”

Guest: *shrilly* “That’s it? Aren’t you going to go and catch the person who’s doing it? It’s illegal here, isn’t it?”

Me: “Yes it is, but it’s two in the morning and there’s no one here but me. I can’t leave the front desk and go about sniffing for who has done it.”

Guest: “Well, I never! This is unacceptable that you would support illegal practices here!”

Me: “We do not and the only thing I can do is apologize and offer to change your room.”

Guest: “I’m not moving. What else can you do? Surely there’s something?”

Me: “Like I said, I cannot figure out who is smoking, and everything will have to be done in the morning when the housekeepers are here so we can find out who is smoking in this non-smoking hotel.”

Guest: “So you can’t do anything about this?!”

Me: “No, I can’t.”

Guest: *begins screaming, and then finally hangs up*

(She called three times after that, ranting and raving, before finally going to sleep, I guess. I don’t smoke, so I don’t know if she was telling the truth or not. I leave a note for the managers about it, and the next day, I arrive for my shift and the manager is there.)

Me: “Did housekeepers ever find out which room was smoking?”

Manager: “Yes. Hers. Turns out her teen son was doing it in his room. She went ballistic at US instead of him… We threw them out and called the police.”

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