Category: Family & Kids

He Could Also Do With Less Hot Air

| MI, USA | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids

(I am working as a balloon artist and have a very long line. The balloons I ordered for this event weren’t in on time, so I have to buy some balloons of poor-quality at a craft store. Due to the heat of the day, the balloons are popping frequently, and I am getting super frustrated.)

Me: *to the next kid in line, who already has at least three balloons* “And what would you like?”

Kid: “A blue sword!”

Me: “All right!”

(Being one of my quicker patterns, I quickly pump it up and make it. When I give it the final twist, it pops.)

Me: “Oh, shoot, sorry about that!”

(I pump up another balloon, which again pops. At this point the kid’s dad has come over.)

Kid’s Dad: “You’re putting too much air in the balloon.”

Me: *trying to smile* “Oh, it’s not that. I’ve recently switched balloon brands, and these don’t like the sun as much.”

(The third balloon again pops, which rarely happens.)

Me: “Shoot, sorry about that! Third time’s the charm, right?”

Kid’s Dad: “No, seriously. You’ve got to put less air in it, otherwise it will pop.”

Me: “Oh, okay.”

(Having done balloons since I was 10, and having made hundreds of swords, I of course already know this. I make the balloon, with just as much air as usual, and it doesn’t pop.)

Me: “There you are!”

(The kid grabs it without saying thanks.)

Kid’s Dad: “See? I told you.”

(The dad walked away, also without saying thanks.)

A Dashing Hero

| ME, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Family & Kids, Food & Drink

(I worked at a Chinese restaurant where many people would dine and dash on the owner, who they knew couldn’t catch them due to having bad arthritis in both hands. This happens one day when I have just come into work.)

Old Lady: *comes in with her granddaughter and granddaughter’s best friend*

Me: “Just three, miss?”

Old Lady: “Yes.”

Me: *takes them to a table* “Anything to drink while you decide what you would like?”

Old Lady: “Pepsi.”

Granddaughter: “Sprite.” *giggling*

Me: “We have Sierra Mist. Is that all right?”

Granddaughter: “Yes!” *laughs*

Me: “…and you, miss?”

Granddaughter’s Best Friend: “I’ll have the same.” *smiling in an odd way*

Me: *nods and gets their drinks*

(They take another 10 minutes whispering before they ordered. They take a half hour ordering food which costs over $100.00. By now I’m suspicious.)

Me: *comes out of the other dining area in time to see them leaving without paying* “HEY!”

Granddaughter: *laughing and running*

Me: *grabs her by the upper arm* “Oh, H***, no! You will NOT dine and dash on MY shift, LADY!”

Old Lady: *comes in and hits me with her bag* “LET HER GO, YOU B****.”

Granddaughter: “OWWW! YOU’RE HURTING MEEE!”

Me: “I’m only squeezing enough to hold you! Now, lady! If you don’t stop hitting me, I will call the police!”

(An officer just happens to come in and I know him.)

Officer: “[My Name], are you having trouble?”

Me: “Can I do it just once?”

Old Lady & Granddaughter: *both pale and stop what they were doing*

Officer: *laughs* “Yes.”

Me: *I grab both women and yank them outside where I swing the granddaughter out, and release the old lady* “Your choice.”

(The old lady gave me the money for the bill, and a tip! The officer was laughing and my boss gave me a gift certificate for a free meal for my entire family!)

Popped Her Ballooning Fantasy

, | NY, USA | Family & Kids, Money

(My sister and I are doing balloons at a local festival. We are selling the balloons for one to two  dollars – pretty cheap compared to most other balloon artists when charging per balloon. Because it’s rainy, we haven’t had many customers. A woman and her daughter walk up to my sister when we have no line.)

My Sister: “Hi! Would you like a balloon?”

Woman: “Yes, she’d like— Oh! It costs money?”

My Sister: “Yes, it does.”

Woman: “Oh… sorry, sweetie, we can’t have any.”

(At hearing this, the daughter bursts out crying. The woman tries to console her.)

Woman: “It’s okay; we’ll go do something else.”

(Instead of going to do something else, the woman hangs around my sister, glancing at her hopefully now and then, obviously hoping she will get a free one. My lovely sister, who’s very stubborn, is not budging. Eventually, the woman’s hopeful glances turn into full out glares, as the child continues to cry and make a scene. Finally, as another man walks up:)

Woman: “All right, well, let’s leave- Oh! Sir, is there any possible way you could give me a dollar?”

Caller: “Oh… uh, yeah, I guess.”

(He handed her the dollar, and so the woman got her suddenly all-smiles daughter a balloon. After my sister handed it to her, she, of course, didn’t even say thank you.)

Incorrectly Prospecting Your Lack Of Prospects

, | London, England, UK | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, School

(I work in a fast food restaurant to earn some extra money while at university; I work at a branch quite far from my university in a popular shopping area so no one in my class knows. Most of the other people in my class are fairly well off and I don’t really fit in. I have colourful hair and three facial piercings. One day a girl from my class comes in with her mother and she notices me but doesn’t say anything as the mother steers her towards my station.)

Mother: “I’ve told you time and time again that you have to stay in education. You can’t just quit university because you’d rather spend time with your boyfriend.”

Me: “May I take your order?”

(The mother places order for them both and as I walk to fill the drinks I hear her say to her daughter.)

Mother: “If you drop out of university you’ll end up like that girl there, all filth and metal with no career or future prospects.”

Girl: “Actually, mum, she’s in my class and she works harder than most of us. She helps us all with our work if we get stuck and is really nice.”

(The mum was stunned into silence and I pretended not to have heard as I gave them their meal. The next day the girl asked if I wanted to go to a party with her!)

The New Dairy Queen

| Pontotoc, MS, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids, Food & Drink

(When I was 15 years old, a family friend had started an ice cream truck business. He needed someone to drive and someone to hand out ice cream and handle the money: two people per truck, and there were five trucks. Naturally, hunting for money, I volunteer to work the money and ice cream part. It is towards the end of the summer, and I know the ropes by then. Parents often stand on the sidewalk and give the children the money, letting them order. My customer is about five years of age.)

Me: “What can I get for you, sir?”

Customer: *giggling* “I want ice cream.”

Me: “What kind of ice cream?”

Customer: “I can’t tell you that!”

Me: “Then how will you get your ice cream? I am the ice cream queen! I control all of the ice cream in this mighty vessel.”

Customer: “I need to talk to the Ice Cream MAN to get my ice cream, not the Ice cream QUEEN! I need a BOY! I need a BOY!”

(As this was not what I had prepared for, I quickly nodded, and ducked below the counter, and got a marker, drew a mustache, and sat up and spoke in a low voice.)

Me: “Her Majesty is a new worker. What can I get for you?”

Customer: *looking relieved* “Ice cream man! I want….that one!” *points to ice cream on the board*

(And all was well… besides the mustache I had for the next week. Thank you PERMANENT marker, you did your job. Parents, everywhere, tell your children of the Ice Cream Queen. Save a teenage girl’s face from fake facial hair!)