Category: Family & Kids

Milking Young Minds

| Germany | Bizarre, Family & Kids, Pets & Animals, Technology

Me: “Good morning. You’ve reached [Company]. [My Name] speaking.”

Caller: “Hi, I’m calling from [Local Kindergarten] regarding your products.”

(I’m surprised but think she might want to know something for educational reasons since I can’t think of any possible way our products could be used in a kindergarten.)

Me: “Sure, go on! I’m happy to help you with your questions or put you through to somebody who can.”

Caller: “We’re soon hosting a carnival and I just wanted to make sure: Are your products safe to use on small children?”

Me: “Wait… WHAT?!”

Caller: “Aren’t you [Makeup Company]?”

Me: “No… we’re a manufacturer for mechanical milkers… for cows.”

Caller: “Oh… Oh, dear! I already thought your company name sounded weird. I’m very sorry. Please don’t tell anybody about this…”

(Turned out said makeup company had the same number as we did, only with a different area code. However, “But can we safely use that product on small children?” still is a running gag in our technical department.)

Not SOUND Asleep

| Brooklyn, NY, USA | Family & Kids

(We are a small boutique and we are expected to greet every customer who comes into the store in a friendly manner, and ask if they are looking for anything specific since sometimes people need help looking for a gift or an item they recently saw. A lady comes with a sleeping newborn strapped to her front.)

Me: “Hi there! How are you?”

(The lady glares at me and gives a tiny wave. Confused, I give her a few minutes to walk around before approaching her.)

Me: *in a calm, normal volume* “Was there anything specific you were looking for today? A gift, maybe?”

Lady: *in a fierce whisper* “SHHHH!”

Me: *whispering* “I’m sorry. Let me know if you have any—”

Lady: *still whispering angrily* “I’m just trying to keep him asleep; that’s why I left the noisy street, so kindly keep your noise DOWN!”

(Offended and bemused, I go silently back to the register. Soon another customer enters. I approach them so I’m not shouting across the store.)

Me: “Hello! How are you today?”

Customer: “Great thanks!”

Lady: *charging up to us and almost shouting* “CAN YOU PLEASE JUST BE QUIET FOR ONCE?!”

(We both stare at her and the baby wakes up and soon starts screaming.)

Lady: “Well, thanks for THAT. Guess I’m all done shopping now!”

(She leaves in a huff.)

Customer: “Well. Isn’t she just the poster model for not having kids? Anyways, I’m looking for a serving bowl for my mother…”

Switching It Back Around To You

| Germany | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Prank, Technology

(I work at a small IT service provider with mostly small businesses as customers. A certain customer has purchased a PC through us, including a 36 month on-site service contract by the manufacturer. That means if there is a problem the customer contacts us and we contact the manufacturer, who will then send a service technician to the customer within two days. A few days after the customer received the PC, he calls.)

Me: “[Company]. [My Name]. How can I help?”

Customer: “Hello, this is [Customer]. I got that new PC from you last week. It won’t turn on. It worked before I left for a schooling last week and now it’s broken. It’s still brand new!”

Me: “Oh, I’m very sorry to hear that. Did you try…”

(I walk him through a few steps he might try, including changing the wall outlet and stuff. He has already tried all that; no change.)

Me: “Okay, I’ll contact the manufacturer. They will call you back within the hour to schedule an appointment for the technician.”

Customer: “Can’t you come and check it?”

Me: “Sure. But it’s a one hour drive to get to you. The technician is free, as you purchased the service contract. I’ll do it, of course, if you need it today.”

Customer: “No, I can work on my laptop. I can wait that long.”

(So I contact the manufacturer. They say they’ll replace the mainboard which is their standard first step. An hour later the customer calls me to have me know that the technician is scheduled to visit in two days. Fast forward two days later, the phone rings.)

Me: “[Company]. [My Name]. How can I help?”

Customer: “This is [Customer]. Just to let you know… the computer works now.”

Me: “Ah. So it was indeed the mainboard?”

Customer: “No… he didn’t even need to open the computer.”

Me: “Then what was the problem?”

Customer: “My son decided to turn off the PC’s main power switch as a prank. It was very effective.”

Me: “Oh… I see… so now I get to write that into my report. That’s a first for me, too. Well, I’m glad it works now.”

Customer: “Yes. Also, I told him that since the very expensive technician had to come to fix the computer, we won’t be able to afford the Switch he wanted for his birthday.”

Me: “Ouch… isn’t that a bit harsh?”

Customer: “Don’t worry; he’ll get it. But I had to wait two days for my computer, so he can wait two days for his Switch.”

Getting Lippy With The Lipstick

| New Zealand | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids

(I am sixteen, in the mall after school, still in my high school uniform, which is a black sweater with a school crest and black skirt. I pick up a few things I need and text my dad to tell him where I am. I decide to look at some lipsticks while I wait for a reply when I catch this woman staring at me. She’s staring so hard I keep glancing up from my phone to make sure she’s not going to do something suddenly. Eventually I decide to say something.)

Me: “Can I help you?”

Woman: “I’m looking for some lipstick. What are you doing?”

Me: “Um, texting my dad…”

Woman: “They let you have a phone?”

Me: *not understanding* “Uh, yeah, I mean I have to buy my own credit but I only really use it so they can call me—”

Woman: “Whatever. Put it away and help me.”

Me: “Pardon?”

Woman: “I want a new lipstick! I’m in a rush. Do you mind?”

(I gesture to the range of lipsticks on the counter between us. At the same time I get a text back from my dad and look back down at my phone. When I do so, the woman slams her purse on the counter, sending a bunch of eyeshadows and blushes onto the floor, where they shatter.)

Woman: “I can’t believe this! I shop here all the time and I’ve never been treated so badly in ten years!”

(Just then, my dad shows up.)

Dad: “Ready?”

Me: “Uh, yeah.”

(My dad looks at the mess at the floor and then at the woman who is now shooting evil looks at him, too. We join the checkout line and the woman follows us, still shouting about the appalling service.)

Dad: *to employee* “Can you call a manager?”

(The employee calls the manager, who arrives quickly and looks between us and the furious but now silent woman who has followed us all the way to the front door.)

Dad: “That lady has been harassing my daughter and quite a bit of your display.”

Woman: “She should be fired! She wouldn’t help me find what I wanted!”

Manager: *looks at my high school uniform and then at the woman, and radios mall security*

(I ended up with a free lipstick for my trauma!)

Customers Are Beastly On Opening Weekend

| PA, USA | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Movies & TV

(We’ve just gotten the “Beauty and the Beast” remake in. It managed to sell out every single screening for the weekend before Friday afternoon. We are a relatively small theater, but we manage to schedule about 20 screenings of the film between open and close each day over the weekend, and have even started to get permission to start canceling other shows in order to add a few extra show-times for the film. It’s gotten to the point where this new release is so in-demand that the other films we have at the moment are only getting one to three screenings each per day to make room for it. It’s complete and utter chaos, with hundreds of people in the lobby at any given time, our concession staff being unable to even keep up with simple things like making enough popcorn to keep the warmers filled despite bringing in extra people, and the phone ringing off the hook with dozens of calls each hour. Yet despite all this… everyone’s being pretty nice. So of course, about 10 minutes before I’m done for the day on Saturday, a customer has to walk up to me with several other adults and about a half-dozen children…)

Me: “Picking up tickets?”

Customer: “No. I’m gonna need ten tickets to Beauty and the Beast for the 4:45 that just went in.”

Me: “Oh, jeez. I’m sorry. Everything for Beauty and the Beast is sold out until 11:15 tonight. We just added a show for that time. But even that’s already half-full.”

Customer: “Fine. Then give me tickets for the 5:30.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but unfortunately everything is sold out for Beauty and the Beast until 11:15 tonight.”

Customer: “The 6:00 3D showing, then!”

Me: “Again, I apologize, but everything is sold out until 11:15 tonight.”

Customer: “I knew this would happen! The 6:15 showing?”

Me: “…everything is sold out until 11:15.”

Customer: “Fine! Ten tickets to whenever the next showing of Beauty and the Beast’ is! And I’m not paying for all ten tickets!”

Me: “The next available time is at 11:15 tonight.”

(The customer slams her hands on the counter, turns, and starts screaming about how we ‘don’t know how to do anything right.’ Her daughter starts crying and tries to hug her, and hand to god, the customer shoves her daughter away and bellows…)

Customer: “Don’t cry to me! Cry to the jerk there who doesn’t know how to sell us f****** tickets! He can’t even do his job right! It’s his fault. He won’t let you in. Cry to him! Leave me alone!”

(She stormed away, leaving the rest of the group speechless. They slowly sulked away a few moments later.)

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