Category: Family & Kids

Toying With The Name

| Waxahachie, TX, USA | Bigotry, Family & Kids, Language & Words, Rude & Risque

(An elderly man brings in his four-year-old grandson for a toy.)

Grandpa: “Okay, [Grandson], pick out a toy.”

(The grandson starts looking around frantically at the shelf, spots a toy, and starts hopping around excitedly and pointing:)

Grandson: “Grandpa! Grandpa! I want a g**d*** wing!”

Grandpa: *looking from surprise to anger at once, about to smack the grandson while crying out* “What the h*** did you just say?!”

Me: *runs up quickly and intervenes* “Whoa, whoa, whoa! He was meaning Gundum wing.”

Grandpa: *staring at the shelf looking disgruntled* “D*** Japs did it on purpose.”

Literally Left Holding The Baby

| Denton, TX, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids

(I am ringing up a man who is babysitting his four-month-old nephew.)

Man: “Can I leave my stuff here for a minute while I run to the bathroom?”

Me: “Of course!” *jokingly* “I’ll hold the baby!”

(HE GAVE ME THE BABY!)

Putting Common Sense Back On The Menu

| PA, USA | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Popular

(My brother and I rarely get to hang out outside of work due to our schedules, so when we do, we try to make it a treat. He works the line at our pizza place and I’m a counter girl. We order from another pizza joint, having had more than enough from ours.)

Counter Girl: “Thanks for calling [Pizza Shop]. This is [Counter Girl]. What can I do for you today?”

Me: “Hi, I’d like to order a 12-inch meatball sub.”

Counter Girl: “I’m very sorry, but we don’t offer the 12-inch subs anymore. We have 8-inch and 15.”

Me: *to my brother* “They don’t have that anymore; do you want something else?” *to her* “No problem, I’ll just place the rest of the order while we figure that out.”

(I place the rest of the order while he figures out that he wants a different sub and I add that too. But meanwhile, while I’m still on the phone:)

Brother: “This is ridiculous; that was their best seller. Tell her that they need to update their website’s online menu. This is just bull-s***. I can’t believe I can’t get my sub.”

(I finish the order, relaying none of that at all.)

Brother: “You should’ve told her off. I just wanted my sandwich; she was probably too stupid to put it in properly. And update the d*** menu! If I would’ve know, we would’ve ordered somewhere else.”

Me: “Yes, I’m sure that the 18-year-old girl I spoke to made the menu changes herself. The audacity. Don’t be the kind of customer that I hate.”

(We got our order promptly and my a** of a brother actually liked what he got better than the meatball sub!)

The Screen Is Frozen

| Movie Theater | USA | Family & Kids, Movies & TV

(We are seeing Frozen a week or so after it came out, and it’s a full house. All is well until a dramatic scene happens and the screen goes black for a few seconds. The theater is deathly silent. And then…)

Tiny Little Boy: *very loudly* “WHA’ HAPPENED?!”

(The whole theater burst into laughter at a dramatic moment and we missed a good portion of what happened next. Everyone settles down and the movie continues, but at the next break between scenes:)

Tiny Little Boy: *grumpily* “I still don’t know wha’ happened!”

How Em-Bra-assing, Part 2

| PA, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids, Popular

(I work at a popular chain of plus sized women’s clothing stores. A woman comes in with her son, who looks about eight or so. Our bras are in the back corner of our store. The mother instructs her son to sit on a bench, and has me size her for a bra and then help her figure out what one(s) work best.)

Me: *turns around to show the woman a rack of new bras and sees that her son is no longer on the bench* “Uh, ma’am? Did you have a kid with you?”

Customer: *whips around* “What? Oh, god! [Kid]?! Where are you?” *starts searching the whole store, including under the panty tables and in clothes racks*

Me: *quietly use my walkie to tell the manager a woman’s kid likely ran off somewhere and ask if I should call mall security*

Customer: *starts coming back, looking like she’s either ready to cry or rip my head off because some people think it’s my job to watch their kids*

(The kid suddenly crawls out from underneath a dressing room door, in our leopard corset lingerie (completely fastened, mind you) with his T shirt stuffed into the bra cups and the stocking straps clipped onto his shorts.)

Kid: *clearly very proud of himself* “MOM! I’m Catwoman!”

Me: *goes entirely silent and just stares, at a complete loss as to what to do*

(My manager steps out of back room and then abruptly turns back in, but I can hear him on my walkie earpiece.)

Manager: “I am NOT dealing with that.”

(Things ended up fine. The kid did get scolded for disappearing, but his mother really couldn’t get mad at the corset thing because it was just too funny. Normally, I hate children, but this kid was great. He’s going somewhere in life, I just know it.)

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How Em-bra-assing