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Category: Family & Kids

Hellish Customers

| ON, Canada | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Religion

(While doing theater checks, I am informed that we have some skateboarders using our building’s parking lot and curbs as their own personal skate-park. I am sent to ask them to leave.)

Me: “Hey guys, you can’t skateboard here.”

Skateboarder #1: “Well, where can we go then?”

Me: “I know of a skate-park 20 minutes walk from here at [local park].”

Skateboarder #2: “Can we do a few more tricks here before we go?”

Me: “Sorry, no.”

(The three skateboarders turn to leave when the third, who has remained quiet the whole time, turns to me.)

Skateboarder #3: “I WORSHIP LUFFASIR SIX SIX SIX! What do you say to that!?”

Me: “Luffasir? It’s Lucifer, and I don’t need any more morons worshiping me. Now get the h*** out of here.”

(Skateboarder #3 turns red and quickly walks away followed by his buddies, who could not stop laughing.)

A Roll Rehearsal Before Bowel Reversal

| Chicago, IL, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Health & Body, Hotels & Lodging

(I’m working the front desk and checking in a guest.)

Me: “…and here are your room keys. Your room is located on the third floor and will be on the right hand side of the elevator. If there’s absolutely anything you need just press zero on your phone and I’ll be sure to assist you. Enjoy your stay.”

Guest: “Can I ask you for something now?”

Me: “Of course, sir. Anything you need would be my pleasure to serve.”

Guest: “Can I get five rolls of toilet paper?”

Me: “The rooms come standard with two rolls. Would you like an additional three rolls to total the room out to five rolls, or would you like five additional rolls to total seven rolls?”

Guest: “I would like the five additional rolls, please.”

Me: “I can do that for you, but unfortunately there is a $1 fee per excess roll. Between you and me, if you wait until the morning, the housekeepers will change out your toilet paper anyway and you won’t have to pay for it.”

Guest: “I need the five rolls tonight. I only bought this room because if I’m going to destroy a bathroom after my mother-in-law’s cooking, it ain’t gonna be my job to clean it up…”

Sage Age Advice

| USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Health & Body

(I’m head cashier in a craft store, and do all the returns. I have a couple come in with several bags and are rummaging through receipts. I start working through their transactions and find items that aren’t from my company and items without receipts.)

Me: “I am sorry, ma’am, but I cannot process a return for these items.”

Wife: “You should give me the money for these items anyway, because I have had a hard life! I have to take care of my mother and my four siblings!”

Me: “I can understand that, but—”

Wife: “What do you know about taking care of the elderly?”

Me: “Since I was 12 I cared for my father with cancer, who died when I was 18. Then my uncle was diagnosed also with cancer. He passed away two days ago. Between that I have another uncle diagnosed and living with me. Previously, my grandmother who had Alzheimer’s also lived with me and passed last summer. I’m also taking care of my mother who has severe arthritis. I have 5 siblings and 20 cousins, but everyone is dropped on me with no care or help.”

Wife: “I’m so sorry; I guess you do know what it’s like. Does it get better?”

Me: “No, but bubble wrap helps.”