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Category: Family & Kids

Acting Like They Were Born In A Bearn

| Austin, TX, USA | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, History, Language & Words

(I work at a renaissance festival, where the workers are required to be in character when interacting with patrons. Two women are looking around the shop while their two boys, about seven or so, are horsing around with wooden swords. Sometimes I play along with the kids, but they’re getting out of control.)

Little Boy #1: “DIE! I’m gonna get you! I’m gonna kill you!”

Little Boy #2: “Not if I kill you first! RAAAAAAAAAAH!”

(The moms look a little resigned to all this and don’t say anything, but now the boys are starting to trip and hit each other so I step in and yell to be heard over them.)

Me: “Squires! Please take the arts of war outside my shop. We are a peaceful establishment!”

(They stop dead and look at me, dumbfounded. Then they hastily scoot outside and begin whacking each other again.)

Mom: “Wow, can you follow us around all day? They haven’t listened to us once!”

Fire Breathing Dragon

| Salem, OR, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids, Pets & Animals

(I work at a pet cremation place. I pick up a call.)

Caller: “Hello. Is this [Business Name]?”

Me: “Yes, it is. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Well, my son’s lizard just passed away. He’s quite upset over it and was wanting to get it cremated. Do you cremate bearded dragons?”

(I can hear her son crying in the background.)

Me: “Yes, we do. So long as the animal fits in the ovens, we’ll cremate them. I’m sorry about your son’s lizard. How old is he?”

Caller: “My son’s 15, but he’s autistic, and this lizard was his best friend.”

Me: “I’m very sorry for him.”

Caller: “Thank you. Would it be possible to bring the lizard in today?”

Me: “Yes, if you can bring it by about 2:00 pm.”

Boy: *overheard* “Mom, he’s breathing!”

Caller: *not listening to him* “That’s nice, honey.” *to me* “Should we bring the lizard in a box? We have him in a tissue box now.”

Boy: “See, mom?”

Caller: “Oh s***! F****** h***! He just thrust the lizard into my face and it’s moving! What the h*** did you do, [Boy’s Name]!?”

Boy: “I flipped him over to check his pulse and he started moving. He isn’t dead!”

(I can hear the boy laughing now, and talking to the lizard.)

Caller: “Apparently the lizard isn’t dead, and we won’t be bringing him in. Sorry for wasting your time. Have a good day.”

Good Customer Service Is A Balancing Act

| Greensboro, NC, USA | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Health & Body

(Our store has a special sale going on. We have a nicely dressed sale table with a tablecloth and the items laid out on it. Customer #1 is approaching the counter. I am folding shirts at an adjacent table while my coworker rings up Customer #2, who has a young baby on her shoulder. We have seen her feeding her baby with a bottle while browsing the store. As they’re checking out, the baby suddenly starts spitting up. It miraculously doesn’t land on the mother’s clothing at all. However, it does go all over the floor, down the side of the tablecloth and gets on at least five DVDs and about ten books. It narrowly misses Customer #1.)

Customer #2: *spins around, takes in the mess, and hurries out the door*

(My coworker, Customer #1, and I stare at each other and the table in shock.)

Customer #1: “The nerve of some people. That’s disgusting!”

(I’m so flabbergasted that I can’t help but laugh.)

Me: “Well, guess I should clean that up then.”

Customer #1: “Do you want some help?”

Me: “No, it’s fine. Guess all that babysitting finally comes in handy here!”

Customer #1: “Are you sure, dear? That was so incredibly rude. I couldn’t imagine making you do it all.”

Me: “It’s fine. I’m just glad it didn’t get on you! Just let [Coworker] ring you up. I’ll be fine.”

(Customer #1 continues to apologize for Customer #2 and to offer to help. I remove the damaged items and shift things around so I can take off the tablecloth. Once she leaves, my coworker mops the floor for me.)

Coworker: “Well, at least she kind of balanced out the other one!”