Category: Family & Kids

Bambi: Unrated Version

| Jacksonville, FL, USA | Family & Kids, Movies & TV, Pets & Animals, Theme Of The Month

(I am babysitting my eight-year-old neighbor. They have just recently bought a guinea pig, and I am holding him.)

Girl: “My friend Chloe has a pet bunny.”

Me: “Oh really? What’s its name?”

Girl: “Humper.”

Me: “What?!”

Girl: “Yeah, her bunny’s name is Humper!”

(I am a bit confused, but then it dawns on me.)

Me: “Um, I think you meant to say Thumper.”

Girl: “Oh! Yeah, that’s what I meant. The bunny’s name is Thumper!”

(By this point, I am cracking up.)

Girl: “What’s so funny?”

Sold Out Of Common Decency

| Dunedin, FL, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Family & Kids

(I work at a small but locally famous family-owned barbeque stand. I manage the front area and prepare the food for orders.)

Customer: “I am very angry! I came here from [local town that is not far away] to get some of your sausage, and you’re sold out!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, I’m sorry. The sausage is a specialty item because it is home made, so we will usually sell out because we are only open two days per week. We cannot make a lot of it because it won’t keep fresh through next week. It’s also 15 minutes before closing, so we are usually sold out of everything by now, but you can try our chopped pork if you would like!”

Customer: “Well, that’s stupid! Why are you only open two days a week!? That is so inconvenient for me!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. When we opened, the owner was retired and only wanted to run this for a couple of days per week. It also takes a while to prepare everything by hand.”

Customer: “What a lazy a**! Let me talk to the owner now! I want to tell him to his face that he needs to think of the customers before himself!”

Me: “Well, ma’am, our owner passed away earlier this year from leukemia. It was in the local news. He kept our hours limited because of his health. You can speak with his widow if you would like; she is in the back.”

Customer: “…I’m so sorry. Uh, I’ll just come back next week…”

Ah, Mothers, Part 8

| Boston, MA, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids

(I am a student, and I babysit for money. On Mondays, I take the little boy I watch to the playground for a few hours and helicopter around him in case he hurts himself. A mother at the park approaches me.)

Mother: “You know, I just want to tell you: I see you here every Monday and I think it’s just great that you are such a hands-on young mother.”

Me: “Oh! I’m not his mother! I’m just his babysitter. But thank you anyway!”

Mother: “Sweetie, you don’t need to be embarrassed! You should embrace being a great mom, especially at such a young age. I can’t even imagine what its like for you as a single mom in your early 20s!”

Me: “Uhm, really, I am not his mother. I am just his babysitter. But I’m flattered you think I am doing a great job caring for him!”

(The mother walks away to the sand box area, where other mothers are sitting just within ear shot.)

Mother: “You ladies will not believe this! That girl over there is trying to claim that that baby is not hers! Some people! I wonder if her parents have brainwashed her in to thinking it’s their baby. There are some really crazy people out there huh?”

Ah, Mothers, Part 7
Ah, Mothers, Part 6
Ah, Mothers, Part 5
Ah, Mothers, Part 4
Ah, Mothers, Part 3
Ah, Mothers, Part 2
Ah, Mothers

Some Boys Are Made Of Sugar And Spice

| San Antonio, TX, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids, Language & Words

(I am waiting for a hair cut. Next in the queue is a boy that can’t be older than four or five.)

Little Boy: “I want you to cut my hair spicy!”

Hairdresser: “…’spicy?'”

Little Boy: “Yeah, spicy! Like, super spicy!”

Hairdresser: “…don’t you mean ‘spiky?'”

Little Boy: “That too!”

In Need Of Potty-Mouth Training

| TX, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Language & Words

(I’m a cashier at a large store, and it’s nearly the end of my shift. Its fairly busy, and the customer I’m checking out is putting in her information for the check she’s writing.)

Me: “Okay, go ahead and press ‘okay,’ and then sign.”

Customer: “Alright.”

(A couple comes up behind her with a three-year-old boy in the cart, and starts loading their items on the conveyor belt.)

Young Boy: “F*** off!”

Customer: “Excuse me!?”

Young Boy: “F*** off! F*** off!”

Customer: “Ma’am, shouldn’t you do something about your son’s mouth?”

(The mother and father look shocked.)

Mother: “Oh, h*** no! My son can say whatever he wants to some uppity b****!”

(The customer looks surprised and hurt, and walks off after I give her the check and receipt. The manager comes over.)

Manager: “Your son needs to stop yelling that to other customers in line.”

Mother: “H*** NO!”

Manager: “Then you can leave.”

(The mother makes a fuss and leaves, while watching me like I have done something wrong. Afterwards, the manager turns to me.)

Manager: “You wanna go home early?”

Me: “Absolutely.”

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