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Category: Family & Kids

Not Going To Put The Matter To Bed

| NS, Canada | At The Checkout, Family & Kids

(It is the day before Mother’s Day. A little boy, around seven or eight years old, comes up with his dad to buy a cake and a card.)

Me: *to the boy* “So, are you going to make breakfast in bed for your mom tomorrow?”

Boy: *in awe, with wide eyes* “How did you know I was gonna do that?”

Me: “I’m psychic!”

(At this point the dad has just finished paying, and as they are walking away I hear this:)

Boy: *to his dad, still in awe* “But, Dad! How did she know I was gonna do that?”

Breaking Bread With An Awesome Kid

| NY, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink

(I work at a supermarket in New York City. I generally work in the bread department, making sure the shelves are stocked and the bread gets rotated. A four-year-old girl and her mother enter the section to look at the bread while I’m kneeling on the floor, rotating bread on a bottom shelf.)

Little Girl: *from behind me* “Hello!”

(I turn around to see her.)

Me: “Hi!”

Little Girl: “Whatcha doing?”

(I’m not sure how to explain my job to a four-year-old in a way she’ll understand.)

Me: “I’m, uh, counting the bread.”

(The little girl looks around the section with eyes wide.)

Little Girl: “How much bread is there?”

Me: “12.”

(Her eyes go as big as saucers and she claps her hands to her cheeks in over-exaggerated surprise.)

Little Girl: “That’s a LOT of bread! Mommy, did you hear that? There’s a LOT of bread!”

(She and her mother stuck around a little longer while she told me all about what her favorite bread is and how she liked that it was warm out today, because she thought it was never going to be warm outside ever again. It made my day.)

18 And Blunder, Part 3

| Columbus, OH, USA | Family & Kids, Movies & TV, Rude & Risque

(I work in a satellite call center and help customers with billing as well as tech support. A customer calls in upset about her last bill.)

Customer: “My bill is only supposed to be $67.99 a month and this month it was over $700!! I had to come home early to have time to call you about this. What are you people trying to pull on me!?”

Me: “I will me more than happy to look at this for you as I can definitely see why this would make you upset.

(I can immediately see the issue: two to three adult pay-per-view movies at $17.99 each have been ordered several times a day for the last two weeks.)

Me: Looking at the bill, I think I see exactly where the problem is. Do you or your husband watch any um… mature themed movies?”

Customer: “What!? I don’t watch that smut and besides, it’s just my son and I who live here! I don’t like what you’re insinuating! I demand you remove these charges!!”

Me: *catching on almost immediately as I have two older sons myself* “Ahh, I think I might see the problem ma’am. Let me ask you this if I may… How old is your son?”

Customer: “Not that it’s any of your business, but he’s 13.”

Me: “Uh huh. And if I might ask, what time does he get out of school?”

Customer: “He gets out of school at about two, and then gets rights to studying in his room. He’s going to go to college when he’s older. He’s absolutely brilliant. He studies all day long in there.”

Me: “Right. Well, the reason I ask is because I can see the time these movies are ordered AND the receiver that they are ordered on. Ma’am, it looks like ALL of them are ordered on the receiver in one of the bedrooms, and ALL between the times of around 2:15 pm and about 4:30 pm. About what time do you normally get home from work, if you don’t mind me asking?”

Customer: *getting livid about now* “Now look here, missy! I don’t like the idea that you think my son is watching that smut on TV and I most certainly don’t like the idea that you think that I would tolerate that in a Christian house like mine. I demand that you both remove this… this… filth from my bill and apologize to me for even thinking that my boy would even know what some of this… this… stuff even is!!”

(As she’s ranting on about her beautiful, pure, Christian son I see yet another expensive adult PPV being ordered so I interrupt her tirade.)

Me: “Ma’am! I don’t want to be rude, but is your son home right now?”

Customer: “Yes, he is!”

Me: “Good! Because, I see another of these movies is being ordered right now. So do this: just go in and tell me what you see, and if it’s not porn, I’ll be more than happy to remove every one of these charges.”

Customer: “Fine! I’ll show you that my son is a good boy and—” *I hear a door open*

Son: “MOM!” *call drops*

(I laugh my a** off for five minutes. And no, I didn’t credit even one PPV charge.)

Related:
18 And Blunder, Part 2
18 And Blunder