Category: Family & Kids


Pregnancy Can Attack From The Sides

| Maryville, TN, USA | Family & Kids, Health & Body

(A cashier has worked at this particular store with me for three years through college. She’s kept her pregnancy fairly quiet as she’s a private person. She’s finally showing.)

Customer #1: “Congratulations!”

Cashier: “Thank you.”

Customer #1: “Was it planned?”

Cashier: “Nope. I was trying for a puppy.”

Customer #1: *leaves*

Customer #2: “Oh! You’re pregnant! But you’re so young! You know how that happens, don’t you?”

Cashier: “I really don’t; would you mind explaining? In detail.”

Customer #2: *leaves*

Customer #3: “Were you planning a baby?”

Cashier: “Well, I was really hoping for a velociraptor but luckily I get nine months to plan for a baby instead.”

(Customer #3 leaves. I walk over to the cashier.)

Me: “You’d think after three years of seeing you every week they’d learn you don’t discuss your personal life at work.”

Cashier: “You’d think. Who asks if a baby is planned? Crazy.”


Fear Of The Unknown

| NE, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids

(I work the front desk and I frequently get calls about inquiries and a list calls wanting to know about our facility. I do not now many details if we can or cannot do certain things.)

Me: “[Retirement Home], this is [My Name] speaking; how may I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I’m trying to find a place for my mother but it needs to be unknown.”

Me: “Are you asking for information about our facility but you don’t want your mother to know you that you’re inquiring?”

Customer: “Um, not really. I’m trying to find a place where no one knows where my mother is. Do you provide that?”

Me: “I’m not sure I understand what you’re asking for.”

Customer: “People try to steal from my mother. Do you provide a service that can prevent that?”

(I have no clue to what she is asking for and whether we can provide those services for her, I decide to “wing it.”)

Me: “I believe that we can provide those services, but I’m not sure what we would call them and everyone in sales is not currently in.”

Customer: “Um, okay, but you do provide those services?”

Me: “I believe we do.”

Customer: “…okay.” *click*


Bad Grandma

| CA, USA | Family & Kids, Health & Body

(Working the Main Entrance Lobby desk, our job is to get the full name of the patient before putting a visitor wristband on the visitor and giving directions to the patient’s room. For security reasons we cannot allow anyone to enter the hospital without them giving the patient’s full name or stating where they are heading if they aren’t visiting a patient.)

Me: “Hello, how can I help you today?”

Visitor: “I am visiting someone who just had a baby.”

Me: “Okay, what is the patient’s name so I can see what room they are in?”

Visitor: “His name is [Name].”

Me: “Okay… there is no patient by that name. You said they were in maternity? And that’s the name of the mother?”

Visitor: “No! Clearly that’s a man’s name. That’s the father of the baby!”

Me: “Oh, I see! Well, I need the name of the patient who is admitted, so that is the mother’s name.”

Visitor: “I don’t know her name. You should be able to look it up under his name!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t. We must be given the full name of the person actually admitted to the hospital before giving out any visitors wristbands.”

Visitor: “This is ridiculous! I don’t know the f****** b****’s name. She my son’s wife. I think it’s Brittany or something. Why is my son not listed? It’s his kid, too! Doesn’t he get paternal rights?!”

Me: “Well, ma’am, I don’t know anything about his rights; however, since this is a hospital the only people we admit are those who need medical care. Unless your son was the one who was in labor and pushed a baby out of his body, I suggest you call your son and ask the name of the woman who just gave birth to your grandchild.”


First-Born Going The Way Of The Check

| Allentown, PA, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids

(I’m helping a family shop at our little store, and they’re now at the cash register. Because the store is small, they’re the only customers.)

Father: *gesturing to his daughter* “By any chance, do you take firstborn children as payment?”

Me: *with the straightest face I can manage* “Well, we used to; that’s how they got me.”

Coworker: *chiming in* “And that’s why we don’t take them anymore.”

Father: *laughing* “That’s all right. She’s the middle kid, anyway!”


You’re His Puppet

| CT, USA | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids

(I am on line duty at the cafeteria at an arts camp. Since the wait can be a long time, I try to entertain the kids by talking to them. Note that the campers are given a lot of freedom and there are very few rules. The kid in this story is nine or ten.)

Me: “What did you do today?”

Camper: “Well, I got thrown out of Puppetry.”

Me: “You did? How did that happen?”

Camper: “I don’t know. I didn’t know they could do that. I don’t think counselors should be allowed to kick us out.”

Me: “Well, they can, if you’re being disruptive to the other kids.”

Camper: “Yeah, but I still don’t think it should be allowed, because campers are more important than counselors. You know why? One, because we’re kids, and two, because without us, you wouldn’t have jobs.”

(I wish I had told him that without counselors he wouldn’t have a camp, but I was so dumbfounded I just stared. I later talked to my friend who worked in Puppetry, and she told me they had to kick him out almost every day because he was so disruptive.)

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