Category: Underaged

Everyone at one time has tried to sneak into a movie or bought a drink they’re too young for. However; when stupid customers make this attempt the results can be both hilarious and pitying. And this is before alcohol has destroyed their brain cell(s)!

Eighteen By A Hair

| Lancashire, England, UK | Underaged

(Two boys who are not obviously over 18 come to the bar. By the time I reach them one of them already has his passport out.)

Me: “Hi there! What can I get for you?”

Boy #1: “Can I get a Carling and a Dark Fruits?”

Me: “Sure, can I just see that ID?”

(Boy #1 hands me his ID and is barely over 18.)

Me: “Awesome, thanks!” *to Boy #2* “Can I see yours as well?”

Boy #2: “I don’t have it…”

Boy #1: “He’s my brother! We have the same birthday!”

Me: “Okay…”

Boy #1: “Honestly, we’re twins!”

(I look from the tall, red-haired boy to the much shorter, brown-haired boy, who doesn’t look related to him in the slightest.)

Me: “Yeah… I’m still going to need to see some ID, please.”

Boy #2: *dejectedly* “It’s the hair, isn’t it?”

Wining And Fining

| Vail, CO, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Underaged

(A group of twenty-somethings and their parents walks in to our apres ski bar. They order tapas and drinks. Our ski town just endured a weeklong series of under-aged drinking busts, so establishments are being extra cautious.)

Woman: “Sweetie, you should pick a wine.”

Girl: “I don’t know. I kind of feel like hot chocolate.”

Woman: “No, it’s a special occasion. Get a drink.”

Waitress: “May I get you something?”

Girl: “Oh, sure. May I please have a mulled wine?”

Waitress: “Sure. I just need to see some ID.”

Girl: “Oh, I just had my license renewed, and I left my new temporary paper one in my hotel. I’m 25. I have a copy of my passport on my phone, but I totally understand if you can’t serve me. Actually, forget it. May I just have a hot cocoa?”

Woman: “Oh, can’t you just get her her hot wine? She really is 25. I’m her mother.”

Waitress: “Unfortunately, there have been a lot of police busts recently, and they use all sorts of tricks to try to get us to bend the law. We have to be uber-safe right now. I really can’t serve anybody who looks under 30 without a real ID.”

Man: *leaning in* “I’m her father; it’s okay.”

Waitress: “Unfortunately, we really can’t take your word for it. I’m so sorry. So, you wanted cocoa?”

Man: *reddening* “No, that is not okay! This is ridiculous. This is what this country is coming to. Everything is so correct these days. I’m her father. She’s here with her parents and our geezer friends.”

Girl: “Dad, It’s fine. Really.”

Man: “No, it is bloody well not fine. Give me your room key. I’m getting your ID. You have your passport in your room?”

Girl: “In the nightstand. But, Dad, really, I don’t really want a drink.”

Man: “No! I will not have these politically correct minions dictate my life to me. You’re my daughter, and if I say you can drink, you can drink.”

(The daughter reluctantly hands the man her hotel key, although she’s quite pink. The man storms off.)

Girl: *to waitress* “I’m so sorry. You’re getting a big tip. He’s going to get an ulcer if he doesn’t start meditating, or something.”

(The man returned as the group was finishing their second drinks and preparing to leave. The man marched the passport over to the waitress and insisted that she bring the girl a drink. The whole group had to sit there with their coats on and watch while the embarrassed girl slurped down her piping hot mulled wine.)

Talking Dirt About The ID

| USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Underaged

(I wear glasses, but I am nearsighted, which means I can read things up close but not far away. A man with a self-important smile comes to check out.)

Me: “ID for the alcohol, please.”

(He hand it to me with a flourish. It is a very dirty driver’s license. I cannot read nor see the picture or information on it because of all the grime.)

Me: *squinting*

Man: “You should put on your glasses! Blind as a bat! They’re hanging around your neck!”

Me: “I am nearsighted; I can see just fine up close. The reason I can’t read this is because it’s VERY dirty!”

Everyone Else: *stops and stares at the man*

Man: *hangs head and quietly pays*

(The man complained later to the manager, saying that I was rude. Luckily, I was there when he called the manager, and I said ‘for telling the truth?’ and he quickly hung up.)


| Barnstaple, England, UK | Family & Kids, Movies & TV, Underaged

(It is 1989, when Tim Burton’s first Batman movie hit the cinemas. The British Board of Film Classification (the UK version of the Motion Picture Association of America) has decided to create a new picture certificate, the 12-certificate, meaning only those over the age of 12 may be admitted. Batman is the very first movie in the UK to be given this certificate. The cinema where this occurs is a single screen, rural cinema that has only one film a week, showing once a day. Cinema-goers queue outside and must do so past two posters advertising that week’s presentation. Because of the newness of the 12-certificate the management have put bright yellow notices with the posters advising patrons of the film’s rating and what it means. Also at opening time cinema staff are policing the queue ensuring no one under 12 gains entry. Behind me are two grandparents and their eight year old grandchild. A cinema employee comes up to them.)

Employee: “Excuse me, sir, madam, how old is the child?”

Grandmother: “Eight.”

Employee: “I’m sorry, but this presentation has been rated ’12’ by the BBFC and as such, is unsuitable for the child.”

Grandmother: “But it’s Batman!”

Employee: “Yes, but the film has been rated certificate ’12’ due to its content.”

Grandfather: “’12’ certificate?”

Employee: “Yes, sir, it’s a new certificate, restricting the presentation to those to aged 12 or over. The newspaper did warn about this in our advert this week and there are signs outside the cinema saying the same thing.”

Grandfather: “But it’s his birthday and we promised him we’d take him to see Batman.”

Employee: “I understand but it is against the law for us to admit him.”

Grandmother: “But it’s Batman!”

Employee: “I’m sorry, madam you’ll have to leave. There’s nothing we can do.”

Grandmother: “But it’s Batman!”

Employee:Batman it may be; suitable for an eight year old, no, it isn’t. Now please leave. You’re holding up the queue.”

(The grandparents and grandchild leave the queue. Halfway up the street she turns and shouts to the queue.)

Grandmother: “This is so unfair! It’s Batman; it should be for kids!”

No ID, No Idea, Part 21

| PA, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Underaged

(The company that I work has recently switched to an ‘ID All’ policy. We gave all customers more than a two weeks’ notice in several ways (handouts, print outs at the bottom of the receipt, and warning every customer that makes a tobacco purchase that they will have to provide a photo ID starting on a certain date.) Despite our best to make the transition a smooth one, there are many customers, particularly regulars, who are not too happy with this. It has now been more than a month since the policy has been in place and people are still complaining. The gentleman appears to be in his late forties. I also am very petite and have always looked much younger than I am.)

Me: “Hello, sir, how are you doing today?”

Him: “Fine. Gimme [Brand cigarettes].”

Me: *grabbing that brand* “Okay, will that be all?”

Him: “Of course that’s all!”

Me: “All right, could I please see your ID?”

Him: “Are you f***ing kidding me? I’m old enough to be your grandfather!”

(I’m used to this type of reaction from our customers around his age and patiently start to explain our new policy. There are multiple signs all over the place stating that we ID all, as well as a stack of pamphlets right in front of him explaining the policy. All the while he is hurling abuse at me.)

Him: “How old do you have to be to buy cigarettes?”

Me: “PA requires you to be 18, though some states are 19.”

Him: “Well, I’m obviously older than that! Are you even old enough to be selling those things?”

Me: “There is no age requirement to sell tobacco products, although [Company] does require you to be 16 to work here. I am, however, 18, so I could legally purchase this with proper identification.”

Him: “There’s no f****** way you’re 18. When’s your birthdate?”

(I’ve had this question asked many times by customers who don’t believe I’m old enough to work at the store, so I usually just give it to them.)

Him: “Seriously? I thought you were like 12!”

Me: “So, you were willing to harass a 12 year old over a policy that I have no control over, which has been in effect for 6 weeks, and which had a further 2 weeks notice given to all customers, despite the fact that there is ample signage everywhere, including right next to [Brand cigarettes he wanted to purchase] which states that we require identification from EVERYONE, all the while causing a disturbance and holding up all of the customers in line behind you, simply because you refuse to show your ID? Which if I do not ask for and see I will lose my job and be required to pay a fine, and all of this because you’re offended that I asked for your ID? I know that you are over 18. Everyone here can clearly see that you are over 18! Now can I please just see your ID? If not I cannot and will not sell you the cigarettes, and I will help the person behind you, who has been patiently waiting the entire time you’ve been causing this ruckus!”

(He meekly hands over his ID and pay for his cigarettes without saying another word. The next person in line steps up as he’s putting his change back into his wallet. This customer has his ID already out.)

Customer #2: *pleasantly* “Hello there! How are you doing today?”

Me: “I’m doing pretty good; thanks for asking! What can I get for you today?”

Customer #2: “I would like two boxes of [Brand], please. And of course you can have my ID!”

(The first customer left as quickly as possible, but not before glaring at Customer #2.)

No ID, No Idea, Part 20
No ID, No Idea, Part 19
No ID, No Idea, Part 18

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