Category: Underaged

Everyone at one time has tried to sneak into a movie or bought a drink they’re too young for. However; when stupid customers make this attempt the results can be both hilarious and pitying. And this is before alcohol has destroyed their brain cell(s)!

(Tat)Too Young

| Ireland | Underaged

(A customer comes in wanting a tattoo of her son’s name on her wrist. We go through the standard consultation form, until we get to her date of birth and ask for ID.)

Artist: “How old are you?”

Customer: “17.”

Artist: “We can’t tattoo you.”

Customer: “But it’s my son’s name!”

Artist: “That doesn’t change the fact that you’re underage.”

Customer: “I have a child! I think if I can handle a child, I can handle a tattoo!”

Artist: “Just because you don’t know how to use a condom doesn’t mean you’re getting tattooed. Come back when you’re 18.”

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Your ID Expectations Are Out Of Key

| England, UK | Underaged

Guest: “Hi, I’d like a ticket to The Inbetweeners 2?”

Me: “Sure. Can I see some ID, please?”

Guest: “ID? Why?”

Me: “This film is a 15 Certificate, so we ID anyone who looks under around 18.”

Guest: “Is [Coworker] in?”

Me: “Uh, no?”

Guest: “Because I know [Coworker]. He’d let me in.”

Me: “He’s not in, and even so, we need valid ID, I’m afraid.”

Guest: “But I have car keys!” *waves car keys*

Me: “Oh, so you have your driving license with you?”

Guest: “No, but I have car keys! So I’m over 17!”

Me: “…”

(It happens all the time, from people offering to state their GCSE results, to saying they’ve ‘seen the film before.’)

They’re Not Cosplaying Around

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Underaged

(I’m working an armorer’s booth at a sci-fi convention. Company policy is we can’t even sell the polypropylene — rubber substitute — training blades to anyone under 18. Two guys walk up an hour after the show opens, clearly buddies; one is about 15, the other has a young face but a full beard. They ask about training knives for about 10 minutes, and then pick out the ones they want.)

Me: *to the bearded one* “Sorry, I have to ask. How old are you?”

Bearded Guy: “17. Why?”

Me: “I bet you’re going to regret being so honest, but I can’t sell these to anyone under 18. If one of your parents is here and comes to buy them for you, no problem, but you can’t buy them without an adult guardian present.”

(They wheedle and whine for a while and finally give up. Five hours and hundreds of customers later, two guys come up to the booth. One looks to be baby-faced and is wearing big sunglasses. The other looks young, but has a full beard. Something in my brain clicks that, sans sunglasses, I’ve seen this combo before… They pick out the knives they want without a word, and start to hand me money.)

Me: *to the bearded one* “Sorry, I have to ask, how old are you?”

Bearded Guy: “18.”

Me: “Funny. I could swear you were 17 this morning…”

Bearded Guy: “No, I’ve never been here before!”

Me: *to his friend* “And at a convention where every second booth is selling cosplay masks, you try to disguise yourself with sunglasses?”

(They grumble and swear at me for a minute, trying to convince me I’m imagining things.)

Me: *to the bearded one* “Let’s make this simple. Do you have a driver’s license or health card with a birth date?”

(They gave up and walked off.)

Commuting Adult-ery

| USA | Underaged

(I am working my usual duties at the reference desk one afternoon. Our department oversees the public computers. A boy of about eleven walks up.)

Boy: “I want to get on the computer.”

Me: “That’s fine. Do you have your library card with you?”

Boy: “I don’t have one.”

Me: “You need one to use the computer. Is your mom here with you? Or your dad?”

Boy: “No.”

Me: “Oh, well, unfortunately your mom or dad has to be here to sign for you to get a card. I’m afraid you won’t be able to use the computer until one of your parents comes in with you.”

(The boy gives me a disgusted look and walks away. I go back to what I was doing and look up a few minutes later to see him standing in front of me with a young woman of about twenty.)

Boy: “Now you can give me a card!”

Me: *to the girl* “You can’t possibly be his mom!”

Boy: *shouting* “You told me ANY ADULT!”

She Is Seventeen, Going On A**-Hole

| Berkeley, CA, USA | Bad Behavior, Underaged

(I work as a lifeguard in a brand-new state-of-the-art pool. We have many different pools within our facility, one of which is the ‘therapy pool.’ The rule of this pool is that you MUST be eighteen or older to use this pool. This exchange happens as I’m on duty for the therapy pool. Three girls approach me. They all look around borderline eighteen, so I ask them their age.)

Girl #1: “Eighteen.”

Girl #2: “Eighteen.”

Girl #3: “Um… actually, I’m only seventeen.”

(It’s not a crowded night and I’m feeling jolly, so I don’t press on.)

Me: “That’s okay, you can go ahead on in. No one will really notice.”

Girl #3: “Wow, thanks!”

(They spend about an hour in the pool, and act normally. About thirty minutes after they leave, I’m approached by my supervisor.)

Supervisor: “Did you let someone under eighteen in the therapy pool?”

Me: “Yes, I didn’t think it was that big of a deal. Was it?”

Supervisor: “No, it really wasn’t. However, the one that was seventeen complained about you.”

Me: “Are you f****** serious? I let her get in with her friends and she complains about me? Sheesh.”

Supervisor: *laughs* “Yes, I know. Frankly, I was appalled and told her to get out of the facility.”

(I couldn’t believe that she did that. The nerve of some people! I should have kicked her out.)

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