Category: Underaged

Everyone at one time has tried to sneak into a movie or bought a drink they’re too young for. However; when stupid customers make this attempt the results can be both hilarious and pitying. And this is before alcohol has destroyed their brain cell(s)!

Your Reasoning Is Unliked

| UK | Underaged

(When it comes to ID-ing customers, I’ve heard a lot of reasons and excuses but this one still makes me face-palm.)

Customer: “Can I have [alcoholic drink]?”

Me: “Sure, can I see ID first?”

Customer: “Oh, seriously?! I don’t have any on me.”

Me: “I can’t serve you unless I see proof of age.”

Customer: “Well, what if I showed you my FaceBook page?”

Presented With A Minor Problem

| Wellington, New Zealand | Criminal & Illegal, Food & Drink, Underaged

(A woman walks up to the counter with two twelve-packs of Vodka Cruiser RTDs, one light orange (passion fruit flavour) and the other darker (exotic fruits flavour).)

Me: “Hi there, just those for today?”

Customer: “I actually only want one of them; my friend told me to get the orange Vodka Cruiser, but these are both orange. If it’s the wrong flavour can I come back and swap it for the other one?”

Me: “I’m sorry but our return and exchange policy only covers faulty products.”

Customer: “But she’s, like, only just outside. Can I buy this one and if it’s the wrong one come straight back in and swap it for the other one?”

Me: “No, our exchange policy does not cover that. If your friend is just outside, she can come in and decide on the flavour herself.”

Customer: “Well, she’s 15, so she can’t buy booze.”

Me: “Is she your daughter?”

Customer: “No! Do I look old enough to have a 15-year-old daughter?”

Me: “If that is the case, I cannot sell you any alcohol.”

Customer: “Why not?! I’m 25. See, here is my I.D.”

Me: “You have just told me you will be supplying the alcohol to a minor. I cannot sell you any alcohol.”

Customer: “Well, can I buy this for myself, then?”

Me: “No, because I know you will be supplying it to a minor.”

Customer: “Don’t be such a b****; I’m allowed to buy booze!”

Me: “Not for minors you aren’t. I cannot sell you any alcohol, and I must ask you to leave.”

(Customer walked out of store yelling abuse and profanity.)

Common Sense Playing Truant: The Revenge

| OH, USA | Criminal & Illegal, Underaged

(I’m the worker in this story, where I was accused of being a teenager and illegally working in a bar during the school day It’s been a few years since that happened, I’ve now graduated college, gotten a job out of state, and am in a bar catching up with high school friends. A seemingly random woman storms up to our table.)

Crazy Woman: “YOU! You got me banned from my favorite store over your lies. And I see you’re still up to your dirty tricks, using a fake ID to drink.”

(I just stare at her in confusion for a minute before it all comes back to me that this was the SAME WOMAN who accused me four years ago. Consequences of being from a small town with exactly two bars, I guess.)

Me: “This can’t even be happening. Ma’am, I’m still about six years older than you think I am, and I was of legal drinking age the last time you ranted at me. Do these people with me appear to be old enough to drink?”

Crazy Woman: “Well, of course they do. I even know her mother!” *pointing to one of my friends* “I bet you think you’re really cool hanging out with people so much older than you and using a fake ID to drink with them when you’re barely out of high school.”

Me: “I graduated from high school with these ladies. Seven years ago. I was 18 when that happened. Can you do the math on how old that makes me?”

(My friends snicker, but confirm that we graduated high school together.)

Crazy Woman: “We’ll just see about that!”

(She goes and tells the bartender that she knows my parents or something to that effect, and knows that I am underage. Having provided an out-of-state license when we bought our drinks, the bartender comes up to our table with a bouncer in tow, slightly alarmed that she may have served a minor.)

Bartender: “I know you showed me your ID, but I now have reason to believe it’s fake. I have to call the police. Please give me your ID.”

Me: “Look, that crazy woman went off on me a few years back when she thought I was much younger than I am. Can I try to clear this up?”

Bartender: “I don’t know how you could clear this up without the police running your ID to confirm it’s valid.”

Me: “I do.” *digs through my purse* “Here, does this help?”

Bartender: “Yes. Yes, it does.” *turns to the bouncer* “Tell that woman that she has to leave her alone or leave.”

(The crazy woman refused to comply with their request to leave me alone, and was kicked out. Me: 2, Crazy: 0. How did I do it? One of the reasons I was visiting was that I had to get an official birth certificate to apply for a passport, had done that several weeks before, and had submitted my passport application at the local Post Office after getting the birth certificate, out of convenience. I had my shiny, new passport and official, sealed birth certificate in my purse, having just received them both back. My friend told her mom about the incident, and her response was, apparently, “that woman has always been insane.”)

Related:
Common Sense Playing Truant

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Acting Like She Was Born Yesterday

| NJ, USA | Health & Body, Underaged

(I’m waiting in line at the pharmacy; there’s one other gentleman in front of me, and then a fairly stereotypical “little old lady” up at the counter. I try not to judge, but…)

Lady: “I’m sorry, I just don’t understand.”

Pharmacist: “I just need you to give me your birth date for the system.”

Lady: “But those are my pills.”

Pharmacist: “I know, but I need to be able to type your birth date into the computer.”

Lady: “I don’t understand. I gave you my name.”

Pharmacist: “Yes, ma’am, but I need both your name AND your birth date.”

Lady: “Do I look like I’m too young to get pills?”

Pharmacist: “It’s not how old you are, ma’am. We just need the confirmation so we don’t give the wrong pills to the wrong person.”

Lady: “But they’re MY pills.”

Pharmacist: “Yes, ma’am. Please, just tell me the month and day you were born on…”

(This goes in a loop for about seven minutes, with the line getting longer and longer. Finally she relents and gives her birthdate… And takes another ten minutes trying to sort out how to use the credit card reader, refusing to let either the pharmacist or anyone else help her. Finally, she gets done, shuffles away, and the gentleman in front of me is called up.)

Man: “I’m picking up for [Man], my birthday is [Date], my phone number is [Number], my address is [Address], my first born’s name is [Son], and you can HAVE him if it speeds this up!”

(The rest of us, including the pharmacist, burst out laughing!)

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No ID, No Idea, Part 27

| Tacoma, WA, USA | At The Checkout, Underaged

(A customer who looks to be about 15 at the most approaches the counter.)

Customer: “Two packs 100s!”

Me: “Can I see your ID?”

Customer: “I left my wallet at home, and before you say anything, I got my mom’s phone number so you can call her to confirm my age, and I’m good friends with the guy who runs this joint so don’t give me any s*** about how you can’t give me my smokes!”

Me: “May I ask a different question, then?”

Customer: “Only if you’re quick about it.”

Me: “If you don’t have your wallet, how were you planning to pay for your purchases?”

(All cockiness promptly drains from the customer’s face.)

Customer: “F***********k!”

(Stormed out.)

Related:
No ID, No Idea, Part 26
No ID, No Idea, Part 25
No ID, No Idea, Part 24

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