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Category: Criminal & Illegal

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Should Have Made A Run For The Money

| GA, USA | Criminal & Illegal, Extra Stupid, Money, Popular

(I work as a bagger. It is about 8 pm and I am at the register waiting for the next order. A customer comes up with at least 15 $100 dollar prepaid gift cards.)

Cashier: “How are you doing today?”

Customer: “I am doing well, thanks for asking.”

(The cashier begins ringing up her order and the customer reaches into her wallet to pull out the money she is going to pay with. Turns out, however, this is counterfeit money, all of them 100 dollar bills.)

Cashier: “Okay, your total comes out to [price].”

(The customer hands her the fake bills and, without a second thought, the cashier notices and pulls out the pen she is given to mark fake bills to see if they are fake; they, of course, come up fake, so she then calls the manager over.)

Manager: “Is something wrong?”

Cashier: “Yes, this money isn’t getting accepted by the register.”

(Our registers don’t actually have a feature to detect funny money.)

Manager: “Okay, well, let me take it upstairs and see if I can’t get my machine to take it.”

(This whole time the customer has still not realized that we know the money is fake and continues to stand there playing on a cell phone. She is still standing there when a police officer and the manager approach her.)

Manager: “Ma’am, if you don’t mind, we would like you to come upstairs to the office, please.”

Customer: “Oh, okay, sure. I don’t mind.”

(They then walk upstairs and then it finally hits her when the police officer cuffs her. Then began the screaming.)

Customer: “THIS IS A FALSE ARREST! MY MONEY IS GOOD! YOU’RE GONNA HEAR FROM MY LAWYER! THIS IS BECAUSE I AM BLACK. ISN’T IT?! ALL YOU COPS ARE MOTHER F****** RACIST!”

(The cops took the woman to the squad car and drove off. I was just amazed the whole time she didn’t suspect a thing until the cops actually handcuffed her. You would think the moment the manager stepped up she would have hauled butt out of the store.)

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Pulling Off A Heist With Very Little Brain

| Matthews, NC, USA | Criminal & Illegal, Food & Drink, Popular

(We have a customer who comes in almost every day and steals our bottles of honey. He will order a hot tea from our kiosks and use a whole bottle of honey. He will then ask an associate to get a new bottle. After we get the bottle for him, as he leaves later on, he will stick the honey in his newspaper to hide it and walk out. My nickname for him is Pooh Bear.)

Me: “[General Manager], Pooh Bear is back. Can I please say something?!”

General Manager: “No, I’ll handle this. I’ve had enough.”

(Our GM walks over to him as he’s leaving and gets his attention.)

General Manager: “Hey, man, I’m glad I caught you. I wanted to check out the sports highlights from last night!” *opens newspaper* “Hey, man, isn’t that our bottle of honey?”

Pooh Bear: “Oh… uh… Yeah, is that okay?”

General Manager: “No, it’s not okay, dude! Stop stealing our honey. That’s theft. We could call the cops and have you arrested. We have cameras constantly monitoring our store and we have you on numerous occasions stealing from us.”

(He hasn’t been back in almost two weeks now. And that’s how we pulled off “Operation Pooh Bear!”)

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Inheriting An Impossible Request

| Helsinki, Finland | Crazy Requests, Criminal & Illegal, Popular

Me: *phone rings* “[Law Firm], [My Name].”

Customer: “Do you handle inheritance cases?”

Me: “Yes, we do.”

Customer: “Well we have this disagreement in my family that has been going on for almost twenty years.”

Me: “Okay.”

Customer: “The problem is that a couple of relatives won’t sign any documents and we are all absolutely adamant that court proceedings are out of the question.”

Me: “Those are really the only options, I’m afraid. Either you can make an agreement or go to court.”

Customer: “No, that will not do. I want you to resolve it.”

Me: “I can write the contracts for everyone involved to sign, or I can take the matter to court. There is no third way.”

Customer: “No! Those options will not do! I want you to resolve it now. And I mean immediately!”

Me: “You mean at this very moment, over the phone, talking to you?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but that is impossible.”

Customer: “Why?!”

Me: “It just is. I would have to do magic to resolve your disagreement of twenty years instantly, talking to just one party over the phone.”

Customer: “You are just absolutely useless!” *click*

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An Alarming Lack Of Alarming

| USA | Criminal & Illegal, Popular, Technology

(I work at an alarm management company monitoring home alarms. Normally when an intrusion or motion sensor alarm triggers, we call the house first in case it is the owner. They generally give us their passcode and we cancel the alarm. In this scenario, a motion sensor alarm comes up and I call the home.)

Me: “This is [My Name] with [Security Company]. Am I speaking with [Owner]?”

Phone: “Yes.”

Me: “Okay, Mr. [Owner], if you can just verify the passcode for your account, I’ll be glad to disable the alarm for you.”

Phone: “I don’t have an alarm.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Phone: “I don’t have an alarm system. Whatever you’re seeing is wrong. Cancel the alarm; it’s not at my house.”

(I obviously think that this is bizarre so I call the secondary number, the owner’s work phone.)

Me: “This is [Name] with [Security Company]. Am I speaking with [Owner]?”

Owner: “Yes, that’s me.”

Me: “We didn’t just speak on your home line, did we?”

Owner: “No? Is something wrong?”

Me: “I thought not. Can I get your passcode for [Security Company]?”

Owner: “[Code].”

Me: “Somebody answered your home phone and claimed you did not have an alarm system. I have already dispatched the police to your home.”

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To Protect And To Steal

| NY, USA | Bad Behavior, Criminal & Illegal, Extra Stupid, Money

(I work at a donut shop in lower Manhattan. A clearly homeless guy in a police uniform walks in holding clearly a fake gun.)

Homeless Man: “Give me all your money! This is police business!”

(I slowly start filling a bag with money, but before I do so, my coworker calls the police. Eventually, the police arrive, and as they do the homeless man begins to pretend to be a police officer trying to find the suspect.)

Homeless Man: *groaning* “Now where’d that man go. He must be gone. Too bad.”

(He ended up getting arrested and turned out to be a former police officer trying to find some cash.)

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