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Category: Criminal & Illegal

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Should Keep Their Hopes Low About Getting High

| UK | Crazy Requests, Criminal & Illegal

(I’m working the Sunday shift on my own at the counter, when three young boys in their teens walk in.)

Me: “Good morning, how can I help you today?”

Customer #1: “We’re looking for some salvia.”

Me: “Excuse me… what? Could you repeat that?”

Customer #1: “Salvia.”

Me: *having never heard of this* “I… I’m not sure…”

Customer #2: “SALVIA, you dumb b****! SAL-VEEEE-AAAA!”

Me: “What is it used for?”

Customer #1: *sighs* “I thought you were meant to know all about this stuff? It’s a drug, to get you high, like weed or heroin and stuff.”

Me: “…”

Customer #2: “It’s legal. They haven’t banned it yet!”

Me: “We… we don’t sell recreational drugs here.”

Customer #3: “Well, then, where the h*** are we meant to get it?”

Me: “You could try your local dealer…”

(To this day I still don’t know what possessed them into thinking that a pharmacy would sell recreational drugs!)

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Like Stealing Candy From A Baby

| Renfrewshire, Scotland, UK | Bad Behavior, Criminal & Illegal, Family & Kids

(While shopping, I notice two typically cute toddlers eagerly running down the sweets aisle, ahead of their parents.)

Toddler: *loudly and cheerfully* “I’m going to steal something!”

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A Well-Red Book

| San Francisco, CA, USA | Criminal & Illegal, Extra Stupid, Popular, Tourists/Travel

Caller: “Hello, yes, I had a book on hold there. I came to pick it up this morning and it was taking too long for the guy to help other people so I left!”

Me: “I’m very sorry about the wait; we only have one person in the store this week due to our owners getting married last weekend.”

Caller: “I’m not done! So I came back and parked in the red zone at the corner, picked up my book and when I got back, I had a $115 ticket!”

Me: “Well, I’m very sorry to hear that, but I don’t know what I can do for you about that.”

Caller: “My point is that it took longer to get service in your store than for her to give me a ticket!”

Me: “You parked in a red zone. It doesn’t matter how long you were there for; it’s still illegal.”

Caller: “You should put a sign in front of your store saying that if you park in the red zone while shopping there you’ll get a ticket!”

Me: “Isn’t that what the red paint is for?”

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A Scrambled Sense Of The Law

| ME, USA | Crazy Requests, Criminal & Illegal, Popular, Technology

(Working for the local cable office we often get questions about services that are connected to TV, but not necessarily a service we provide.)

Customer: “Hi, I was wondering if you guys rent cable descramblers?”

Me: “Oh, do you mean antennas to get over-the-air channels?”

Customer: “No, cable descramblers for the people that want TV stations but don’t want to pay for them.”

Me: “No, ma’am. That’s not how business works. I can either set you up for TV or you can get an antenna.”

Customer: “Well, why can’t I get a descrambler?”

Me: “Because they are illegal, ma’am.”

(The customer went wide eyed and immediately changed the subject.)

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Should Have Made A Run For The Money

| GA, USA | Criminal & Illegal, Extra Stupid, Money, Popular

(I work as a bagger. It is about 8 pm and I am at the register waiting for the next order. A customer comes up with at least 15 $100 dollar prepaid gift cards.)

Cashier: “How are you doing today?”

Customer: “I am doing well, thanks for asking.”

(The cashier begins ringing up her order and the customer reaches into her wallet to pull out the money she is going to pay with. Turns out, however, this is counterfeit money, all of them 100 dollar bills.)

Cashier: “Okay, your total comes out to [price].”

(The customer hands her the fake bills and, without a second thought, the cashier notices and pulls out the pen she is given to mark fake bills to see if they are fake; they, of course, come up fake, so she then calls the manager over.)

Manager: “Is something wrong?”

Cashier: “Yes, this money isn’t getting accepted by the register.”

(Our registers don’t actually have a feature to detect funny money.)

Manager: “Okay, well, let me take it upstairs and see if I can’t get my machine to take it.”

(This whole time the customer has still not realized that we know the money is fake and continues to stand there playing on a cell phone. She is still standing there when a police officer and the manager approach her.)

Manager: “Ma’am, if you don’t mind, we would like you to come upstairs to the office, please.”

Customer: “Oh, okay, sure. I don’t mind.”

(They then walk upstairs and then it finally hits her when the police officer cuffs her. Then began the screaming.)

Customer: “THIS IS A FALSE ARREST! MY MONEY IS GOOD! YOU’RE GONNA HEAR FROM MY LAWYER! THIS IS BECAUSE I AM BLACK. ISN’T IT?! ALL YOU COPS ARE MOTHER F****** RACIST!”

(The cops took the woman to the squad car and drove off. I was just amazed the whole time she didn’t suspect a thing until the cops actually handcuffed her. You would think the moment the manager stepped up she would have hauled butt out of the store.)

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