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Category: Criminal & Illegal

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One Big (Alco)Hole In Their Plan

| ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Criminal & Illegal

(I live near the Canada-US border, Canada side. It’s about nine o’clock at night and I’m working the front end of grocery store. A small group of people who look to be in their late teens or early twenties walk up to me.)

Customer #1: “Can you tell us where to find the alcohol in here?”

Me: *taken aback* “We don’t sell any.”

Customer #1: “Really?”

(At this moment it dawns on me that they’re probably from over the border, coming to buy alcohol here because we have a lower drinking age.)

Me: “Yeah. We… don’t sell alcohol in grocery stores in Canada. In general.”

Customer #2: “You’re kidding, right?”

Me: “Err… we don’t have a liquor license. It’s against the law for us to sell any.”

Customer #1: “Don’t you have something?”

Me: *shrugs sheepishly* “We have mouthwash.”

(I ended up directing them towards places that are allowed to sell liquor, though I have no idea if they were even open at such a time of night. They just couldn’t get over the fact that the grocery store didn’t sell any!)

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ISPy

| Petach Tikva, Israel | Crazy Requests, Criminal & Illegal, Technology

(I’m working the night shift on a Friday, around 3 am.)

Me: “[ISP]. This is [My Name] at your service.”

Customer: “My Internet isn’t working, and I know why! It’s because of [unintelligible].”

(I thought I’d heard something about spies, but I wasn’t sure, so I just kept going.)

Me: “I see. Let’s figure out what the problem is, so we can find a solution.”

Customer: “But I know what the problem is! I’m being spied on! It’s the spies! They’re ruining my Internet.”

Me: *sticking to the protocol that exists exactly for that purpose* “Well, if you’re sure someone is spying on you, you have to contact the police.”

Customer: “Nah, I don’t need to call the police. I’m not that paranoid. Anyway, they’re spying on me, too, so they probably know all about it.”

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Take Ownership Of Your Crime

| MD, USA | Criminal & Illegal, Popular, Transportation

(I am a police officer, and have a woman pulled over on the side of the road for speeding, going almost 55 in a 30 school zone.)

Me: “You were speeding in a school zone so you will be getting a ticket; I need you to sign here, please.”

Woman: “Seriously? You can’t cut me a break?”

Me: “No, ma’am, I can’t. I just need you to sign here…”

Woman: *growing more irate* “This is ridiculous! I shouldn’t have to pay this ticket! This isn’t even my car!”

Me: “So, if you got in an accident driving at such an excess speed, you’re not responsible because this isn’t your car even though you’re in control of the car.”

Woman: “Well…”

Me: “We’re right across the street from an elementary school. If you hit one of these kids walking down the street you couldn’t be charged with vehicular manslaughter because this isn’t your car?”

Woman: “…”

Me: “Sign here, please.”