Category: Criminal & Illegal

Time To Go On Law-Break

| FL, USA | Crazy Requests, Criminal & Illegal

(I am working the opening of a new store. Florida law requires all employees under 18 have an unpaid thirty minute break every four consecutive hours they work. Because it is the opening week a lot of employees are working so they can be trained, which means somebody is on break almost all the time. At one point a guest flags me down to complain.)

Customer: “I’ve been standing here forever! And all these kids are just sitting out here ignoring me!”

Me: “I am sorry, ma’am. They are on break.”

Customer: “Well, I still don’t see why they couldn’t help me! They’re just lazy!”

Me: “Ma’am… they are on break. Florida state law requires them to have an uninterrupted break.”

Customer: “It wouldn’t have been hard for them to help me. Kids are just so lazy these days!”

Me: “Ma’am. Unless you want to pay the fines we could incur for them causing us to break the law for helping YOU they aren’t going to help you. But I can.”

Customer: “Well. You don’t have to be rude about it. Now, I need some ketchup!”

Me: “You’re standing right next to it…”

Charged Up On Idiocy

| AR, USA | Crazy Requests, Criminal & Illegal, Hotels & Lodging

(I’m at work at a local, small, hotel with an excellent housekeeping staff. It is between 10-11 pm at the end of my shift. A guest who had been staying at the hotel all week calls me on Thanksgiving and is immediately angry.)

Guest: “I need to speak to your manager.”

Me: “I’m sorry, she is not here at the moment. Is there anything I can help you with?”

Guest: “You can help me by finding the person who stole my phone charger.”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that your charger has been misplaced, sir. If by any chance our housekeeping staff picked it up by accident, it would be in our lost and found and also it would be documented. Do you mind being on hold while I check those possibilities?”

Guest: “It hasn’t been misplaced. It was stolen. And I need you to find it.”

Me: “Yes, sir. Just hold on and I will go check every place I know of to check.”

(I come back two minutes later.)

Me: “Thank you for holding, sir. I am sorry to inform you that I looked in all of the possible places it would be and unfortunately was not able to find your charger.”

Guest: “Well, this is unacceptable! One of your housekeepers stole my expensive phone charger and are probably using it right now. No wonder you can’t find it!”

Me: “Sir, I assure you, our housekeeping staff is very trustworthy and would have no motivation to risk their job for a phone charger.”

Guest: “I want this phone call documented and I want your manager to call me first thing in the morning and if I don’t hear from him before I leave for work, we are going to have a problem, missy.”

Me: “My manager is a woman, and she will call you as soon as she gets time.”

Guest: “D*** right HE will! And you better make sure nothing like this ever happens again!”

Me: “Goodnight, sir.”

(That morning we get a call from the same man who is unapologetic and seems to be in a hurry.)

Me: “Front desk. How may I help you?”

Guest: “Yeah, I want to speak to your manager.”

Me: “I’m sorry, she isn’t available at the moment; may I take a message?”

Guest: “Yes, the woman I spoke to last night was very rude and I’d like to complain about her and I want her fired and my room rate paid for!”

Me: “Sir, what was she rude to you about?”

Guest: “She told me that housekeeping would not have taken my phone charger when I know for a FACT that they did!”

Me: “Well, no phone charger has been documented. Are you sure—”

Guest: *interrupts me* “FOUND IT! I still want her FIRED!”

About To Be Charged For (Theft) Of Battery

, | San Francisco, CA, USA | Criminal & Illegal, Extra Stupid

(A male customer comes in, walks up to the counter, and puts a package of batteries on the counter.)

Customer: “I want to return these.”

Me: “May I have your receipt, please?”

Customer: “I don’t have a receipt.”

Me: “Then I will need a government issued ID.”

Customer: “I have a college ID.”

Me: “I am sorry, sir. It must be a valid government issued ID.”

(He hands me the college ID.)

Me: “I am sorry, sir. This ID isn’t government issued.”

Customer: “Fine, then I won’t return ’em. Stupidest f****** rule ever.”

(The customer proceeds to wander around the store looking around, and then returns to the front counter with his hands empty.)

Customer: “I lost my batteries.”

Me: “Okay, sir, I can have an employee help you look for them.”

(I wave an employee over and assign him to help the customer look for the batteries. They head out to the floor to look. The customer selects a few items as he is looking around. Then all of a sudden, with his hands full, he casually walks right past the cashier and out the front door. I walk up to the doorway and yell.)

Me: “Sir, you need to come back in and pay for those items.”

Customer: “Why? You stole my d*** batteries!”

(I watch him get in his car. I get the license plate number and call the police and give them a general direction the customer headed. The police call me back fifteen minutes later.)

Officer: “We caught the suspect. He was trying to return the items you described as stolen to the [Drugstore] across the street from you.”

Me: “What?! Wow! Okay … uh… hmm.”

Officer: “Yeah, I know. Sometimes I can’t wrap my mind around how some people can be so stupid either.”

Beware Of Crafty Customers

| CA, USA | Bizarre, Criminal & Illegal

Me: “Hi, thank you for calling [Craft Store]; how may I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, do you sell those little bags? The ones you put drugs in.” *I laugh thinking he’s kidding* “Well, do you?!”

Me: “Uh, yeah, we carry them in our jewelry making department.”

Customer: “Why would they be over there?!”

Me: “Uh, because you put beads in them.”

Customer: “Oh, well, that makes sense. Yeah, I want to buy them to put screws in them.”

Gotta Steal ‘Em All

| Canada | Criminal & Illegal, Family & Kids, Non-Dialogue, Pokemon

A coworker and I are working the evening shift along the back wall in a local big box store, which means we’re just cleaning up after a day’s worth of customers have gone through.

The seasonal department is right next to the toy aisles, and while straightening up a row of patio furniture displays, we find a pile of Pokémon cards and three foil wrappers. There should be 30 cards from those wrappers, and we usually find all of the cards, or none. Typically none. This pile has 28 cards. Someone found what they were looking for, apparently.

Fast forward 10-15 minutes, and we’re cleaning up toys. We happen to be standing across from the collector cards wall, and a little boy (six-ish?) comes around the corner. He pulls two Pokémon cards out of his pocket and starts gushing at us about his super cool Pikachu and his super cool Jolteon.

My coworker and I just stood there speechless. The kid’s mother came around the corner and told the kid to stop bothering “the workers.” Kid covertly slipped the cards back in his pocket. The mother had no idea.

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