Category: Criminal & Illegal

Down For The Count(er)

| USA | Criminal & Illegal, Liars & Scammers

(I am in the process of trying to sort out a discrepancy with a our inventory while trying to help customers at the same time. A group of three enters the store, two wandering off and one approaching the counter.)

Me: “Hi, welcome to [Store]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I’m looking into buying [Expensive Electronic] for my son. What models do you have?”

(We go over them, and discuss the promotions currently going on, and the customer decides on which one to get.)

Me: “All right! I’ll be right back with that for you!”

(I head to the back where we store all the really pricey stuff, but have a hard time finding that model since it’s more or less buried in a stack of other models of the same device. When I leave, the customers are gone and my coworker is nearby helping another.)

Me: “Hey, what happened to those guys? I had to get this for them.”

Coworker: “He said he was having trouble getting a hold of his son, so he’s going to be back later to get that and a few extras all at once.”

Me: “Okay, we’ll just hold this for him.”

(I go back to trying to sort out the discrepancy, only to find… a stack of said product – as well as another – missing. This isn’t unusual, since it was a messy area and we move things all the time.)

Me: “Hey, [Coworker], do you know where the [Product] that were here are? I’m still working on that discrepancy. [Other Product] that was stacked with them has been moved, too.”

Coworker: “No, I don’t.”

(We look around, but no luck, and come to the conclusion the three from before got behind the counter and took them, using the pretense of buying [Expensive Product] as a distraction. Checking the tapes shows we were right. The only reason we caught it so soon after instead of finding out days later was because they happened to steal the exact product I was in the middle of counting.)

Brick For Brains

, | NJ, USA | Criminal & Illegal, Extra Stupid, Time

(I work at a fast food place that’s across the street from what used to be an empty lot. Recently construction has begun on a new building so there’s now lots of construction materials and signs posted around the place. On this day I’m on the opening shift, helping to set everything up in back. We hear someone trying to open our locked front entrance.)

Manager: “We’ll be open in another 15 minutes, sir.”

(The person outside continues to struggle with the door, while the manager and I share a look as the lights are all off and our opening times are clearly sign posted on the door (I know, I know, expecting customers to read and all that). Eventually however, the customer seems to take the hint and gives up so we think nothing more of it… until we both hear a thunderous BANG! against the door. It’s quickly followed by another one, and the sound of glass cracking.)

Manager: “What the ever loving f***?!”

(We run to the front to find a man with an arm full of bricks that he apparently took from the construction site across the street, throwing them one by one at our glass door which is now riddled with cracks.)

Manager: “Sir, what are you doing!? Stop! Stop!”

(My manager frantically unlocks the door before the man can break it down entirely.)

Man: “Oh, hi, your door seemed to be stuck. I’d like a [Breakfast Sandwich] and a coffee.”

Manager: “The door wasn’t stuck; it was LOCKED! We’re not open yet!”

Man: “Really? Well, how was I supposed to know that? The door wouldn’t open!”

Manager: “…”

Man: “So can I get a [Breakfast Sandwich] and a coffee now?”

Manager: “Sure. It’ll be $3,000, cash only right now since the registers aren’t on yet.”

Man: “WHAT!? $3,000 for a f****** [Breakfast Sandwich] and a coffee?”

Manager: “No, for the [Breakfast Sandwich], the coffee, the replacement for the door you just smashed due to apparently being unable to read the sign right in front of you stating when our hours are, or too stupid to realize a store with the lights off, no customers, and a locked door is CLOSED, and also for the trespassing fines and theft of building materials from across the street.”

Man: “What… but… the door wouldn’t open!”

(My manager looks down at the scattered bricks lying around our front entrance.)

Manager: “[My Name], call the police, before I decide to return a few of these to their sender!”

(The man’s jaw dropped open and he promptly dumped the remaining bricks he was holding and ran off. We gave the police a full description along with our camera footage, and that’s the last we ever saw or heard of the impatient brick-throwing moron. The construction company also sent us a letter of apology, saying they’d take additional measures to make sure their materials were better secured from now on.)

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Taking A Price Hike Strike

| UK | Crazy Requests, Criminal & Illegal, Money

(I work for one of the major energy suppliers in the UK, in the department that deals with accounts that have not been paid for at least 18 months and are in the process of being taken to court for a warrant. When the energy prices surged, we got a lot of customers calling to complain about it, understandably so, but some customer’s tried to use this to their advantage.)

Customer: “Yeah, I’m calling to say I won’t be paying my bill.”

Me: “Unfortunately you will have to pay it. If you cannot pay it all in one go, I can talk you through various payment plans.”

Customer: “Nope. I’m not paying. You’re charging me too much. I’ve been watching TV. Watchdogs are investigating you lot for charging more than you need to, jacking up your prices too quickly, and not putting them down. I’m not paying these inflated prices!”

Me: “Let me check your account a moment.”

(I check the customer’s account. The price rises happened a few months ago, but the customer hasn’t been paying for about eighteen months. Also, he’s on a fixed price plan which means that his tariff will stay the same even if the energy prices go up and down. I also note his plan should have expired six months ago but due to a system glitch, it has kept him on this low plan.)

Me: “Sir, it appears you have been unaffected by the price increase. You have been on a fixed price plan, which, due to a technical error on our end, has kept you on it six months longer than it should have. As this was our error we will keep the bill at the rate it has been charged up to today, but you must make arrangements for this balance.”

Customer: “But if I’m on the low plan why is my bill so high? It’s £1000!”

Me: “That’s not just one bill, it’s six. You haven’t been paying us anything.”

Customer: “But £1000 is extortion! You must be charging it at the jacked up rate!”

Me: “What kind of home do you have? Is it a flat or a house?”

Customer: “House. Three bedroom.”

Me: “And who lives there with you?”

Customer: “My wife and our two kids.”

Me: “Well, your average monthly usage over those 18 months is about £55 which is excellent for a family of five in a three-bed house. It’s lower than the national average.”

Customer: “But the bill says £1000, not £55.”

Me: “Yes, but that is 18 months worth of bills. it’s six quarters. Six bills. If you divide £1000 by the 18 months it is for, you get £55. That’s your average. You haven’t cleared any of the balance so it keeps going up and up. Now, would you like to discuss any payment plans?”

Customer: “No! I’m not paying! This is too high. It’s too much. You jacked up your prices and in protest, I am not paying.”

Me: “I just explained you have been unaffected by the price changes.”

Customer: “So? It’s the principle of the thing. You can’t just hike up prices and expect people to pay them. I won’t pay in protest.”

Me: “Would you at least consider paying the bills that came out before the price increase?”

Customer: “Nope. I won’t pay you a penny until you lower your prices.”

Me: “This is going to court for a warrant in a few months. If you do not resolve your account before then, the warrant allows them to come into your property and fit you a prepayment meter to control the debt.”

Customer: “When is the court date?”

(I give the customer the court date on the system.)

Customer: “Good, I’ll go to the court and explain to the judge.”

Me: “The judge will not accept you are protesting price increases that you have not been affected by, or that you are refusing to pay bills that have been outstanding way before these price increases. If it goes to court, fees will be added to your account – these can be up to £300.”

Customer: “Don’t worry, the judge will take my side. They know what crooks you all are. By the end, you’ll have wiped off all my debt and be paying me money.”

Me: “The judge will not find in your favour because as I said you have been unaffected by the energy price changes, and even if they did, you’d still be expected to pay for the energy you used before the price increase.”

Customer: “We’ll see about that.”  *hangs up*

Common Sense Playing Truant: The Revenge

| OH, USA | Criminal & Illegal, Underaged

(I’m the worker in this story, where I was accused of being a teenager and illegally working in a bar during the school day It’s been a few years since that happened, I’ve now graduated college, gotten a job out of state, and am in a bar catching up with high school friends. A seemingly random woman storms up to our table.)

Crazy Woman: “YOU! You got me banned from my favorite store over your lies. And I see you’re still up to your dirty tricks, using a fake ID to drink.”

(I just stare at her in confusion for a minute before it all comes back to me that this was the SAME WOMAN who accused me four years ago. Consequences of being from a small town with exactly two bars, I guess.)

Me: “This can’t even be happening. Ma’am, I’m still about six years older than you think I am, and I was of legal drinking age the last time you ranted at me. Do these people with me appear to be old enough to drink?”

Crazy Woman: “Well, of course they do. I even know her mother!” *pointing to one of my friends* “I bet you think you’re really cool hanging out with people so much older than you and using a fake ID to drink with them when you’re barely out of high school.”

Me: “I graduated from high school with these ladies. Seven years ago. I was 18 when that happened. Can you do the math on how old that makes me?”

(My friends snicker, but confirm that we graduated high school together.)

Crazy Woman: “We’ll just see about that!”

(She goes and tells the bartender that she knows my parents or something to that effect, and knows that I am underage. Having provided an out-of-state license when we bought our drinks, the bartender comes up to our table with a bouncer in tow, slightly alarmed that she may have served a minor.)

Bartender: “I know you showed me your ID, but I now have reason to believe it’s fake. I have to call the police. Please give me your ID.”

Me: “Look, that crazy woman went off on me a few years back when she thought I was much younger than I am. Can I try to clear this up?”

Bartender: “I don’t know how you could clear this up without the police running your ID to confirm it’s valid.”

Me: “I do.” *digs through my purse* “Here, does this help?”

Bartender: “Yes. Yes, it does.” *turns to the bouncer* “Tell that woman that she has to leave her alone or leave.”

(The crazy woman refused to comply with their request to leave me alone, and was kicked out. Me: 2, Crazy: 0. How did I do it? One of the reasons I was visiting was that I had to get an official birth certificate to apply for a passport, had done that several weeks before, and had submitted my passport application at the local Post Office after getting the birth certificate, out of convenience. I had my shiny, new passport and official, sealed birth certificate in my purse, having just received them both back. My friend told her mom about the incident, and her response was, apparently, “that woman has always been insane.”)

Related:
Common Sense Playing Truant

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Beginning To Understand Why You Have A Criminal Record

| WI, USA | Criminal & Illegal, Time

(This conversation happens on the telephone at my office.)

Me: “Good afternoon, [Name] Law Offices. Can I help you?”

Client: “Hi, I have a case and need an attorney. I’ve been victimized by the courts. I agreed to a misdemeanor charge, but on my records, it’s recorded as a felony! This is outrageous!”

Me: “Okay, ma’am, the attorney is out right now, but I can make you a consultation appointment. Can I have your name and phone number?”

Client: “Oh… I don’t know. I’m very busy. Maybe if I can call you and see if he is in?”

Me: “Ma’am, the attorney tends to be out quite a bit. It would be best if we could make an appointment.”

Client: “But I’m a victim of an injustice! We can’t let anyone get away with it! How do I know the attorney is worth it?”

Me: “Ma’am, the attorney that specializes in criminal defense is very good. We have people calling from all over our state, and from neighboring states as well. Please, can I have a name and a phone number? We can at least call you back!”

Client: “I don’t know… I’m going to be driving, so I won’t be able to answer my phone. I’ll just call later.”

Me: “Ma’am, can I at least have a name so the attorney can know to anticipate your call?”

Client: “Well… I don’t think so; I don’t want him trying to call me when I’m not available!”

Me: *tearing my hair out* “Ma’am, really, any information would be helpful.”

Client: “No… I’ll just call later… You have a good day.” *click*

Me: *to myself* “Well that was just the biggest waste of time EVER.”

(The kicker? I spent half an hour with this woman, which is worth a great deal of money in billable hours, and I ended up horribly behind on my work. And she NEVER called back!)

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