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Category: Criminal & Illegal

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Take Ownership Of Your Crime

| MD, USA | Criminal & Illegal, Popular, Transportation

(I am a police officer, and have a woman pulled over on the side of the road for speeding, going almost 55 in a 30 school zone.)

Me: “You were speeding in a school zone so you will be getting a ticket; I need you to sign here, please.”

Woman: “Seriously? You can’t cut me a break?”

Me: “No, ma’am, I can’t. I just need you to sign here…”

Woman: *growing more irate* “This is ridiculous! I shouldn’t have to pay this ticket! This isn’t even my car!”

Me: “So, if you got in an accident driving at such an excess speed, you’re not responsible because this isn’t your car even though you’re in control of the car.”

Woman: “Well…”

Me: “We’re right across the street from an elementary school. If you hit one of these kids walking down the street you couldn’t be charged with vehicular manslaughter because this isn’t your car?”

Woman: “…”

Me: “Sign here, please.”

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A Chip Off The Old Stock

| TX, USA | Criminal & Illegal

(It’s a busy day, there’s a long line of customers getting gas. I get to the last one.)

Customer: “Did that guy buy some chips?”

Me: “Uh, nobody bought chips. They have to bring them to the window so I can scan them.”

Customer: “Oh, then he stole them.”

Me: *trying to conceal irritation at both the thief and the fact that I didn’t see him* “I hope he enjoys them…”

Customer: “I hope he chokes on them!”

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Should Steal A Nugget Of Parental Advice

| TX, USA | Criminal & Illegal, Family & Kids, Popular

(The EAS alarm goes off as a young girl of around 12-13 and her mother are leaving. They both have purses and the mother also has a store bag.)

Me: “I can deactivate that bag and receipt for you.”

Mother: “Sure, thank you.”

(I run it over our sensor, and as they leave, the alarm goes off again. I call them back into the store.)

Me: “Do you have any new clothes or purses on? Sometimes there can be a sensor in the seam they forget to deactivate.”

Mother: “No. It might be my daughter’s keys.”

Me: *not even gonna ask* “Okay.” *to the kid* “If you can open up your purse, I can deactivate it for you.”

(The kid goes back through the sensors with haste and the alarm goes off again. The mother makes her open her purse, and there are some unpaid-for stuffed dolls inside. I take them back as the mother apologizes profusely.)

Me: “No harm done. It happens a lot.”

Mother: *as she’s leaving with her daughter* “You can’t steal! That’s not okay! That was not expensive enough to try to get away with it!”