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Category: Criminal & Illegal

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Getting Breaking Bad Credit

, | Greenville, SC, USA | Criminal & Illegal, Extra Stupid, Popular

(I work at a banking call center and we often get calls from people asking why their card isn’t working. In this case, our fraud system has blocked a card for suspicious use and the customer has called to find out what is going on.)

Customer: “Why did my card get blocked at [National Pharmacy Chain]?”

Me: “Well, you had a $850 purchase there one day and $1,500 the next. High dollar pharmacy purchases have a high risk of being flagged by our fraud system and causing your card to get blocked.”

Customer: “Why is that?”

Me: “One of the main reasons is because there are a lot of drugs that you can buy at a pharmacy that, when bought in enough quantity and mixed in combination with certain others or certain chemicals, can be used for illegal purposes. For example, pseudoephedrine is a key ingredient in making methamphetamines.”

Customer: “Is making meth illegal?”

Me: “Yes, sir…”

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A Very Specific Need(le)

| Austin, TX, USA | Criminal & Illegal, Pets & Animals, Popular

(I’m at the front counter of a small veterinary clinic when a young couple that I’ve never seen before come in, followed by a regular client.)

Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

Man: “Yeah, I need to give my dog some medicine, but I don’t have a syringe. Can I buy a syringe?”

Me: “Sure, what size do you need?”

Man: “I just need a syringe!”

Me: “I understand. How much medicine is it that your dog needs? We have syringes that measure in tenth ml increments, and in larger sizes up to 60mls.”

Man: “Just sell me a syringe!”

Me: “Give me just a minute.”

(I go to the back and return with syringes in a variety of sizes. None of them have a needle attached.)

Me: “These are what we have; which one would you like?”

Man: “NO! I need a SYRINGE!” *gestures with his finger as if giving himself an IV injection in the arm*

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I can’t sell needles.”

(The man leaves in a huff, the woman trails behind. Before they are even through the door, my regular client walks up, slams his hand down on the counter and says loudly:)

Regular: “What does it take to get some heroin in this place?”

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New Heights Of Unreasonableness

| Northern Ireland, UK | Bad Behavior, Criminal & Illegal, Popular

(It is a busy Saturday night in a 70-seater a-la-carte restaurant. My father is restaurant manager and I am wine waiter. Two quite drunk fellas wander into the restaurant and sit at a table which has been reserved. My father notices this and makes his way to the table.)

Customer: “Bring us a menu.”

Father: “Sorry, gents, but this table’s reserved. You’ll have to go onto the waiting list but I should point out there’s a 45 minute wait.”

Customer: “We’re not moving. Bring us a menu.”

Father: “I’m sorry, but I’ve explained that you will have to wait.”

(The other drunk customer gets agitated and pipes up.)

Other Customer: “Look, just bring us menus or I’ll kick your head in.”

Father: *who is 6 foot 2 inches* “Sir, if you can lift your leg that high, you deserve to kick my head in. Now piss off out of my restaurant.”

(They did…)