Category: Criminal & Illegal


Severely Lacking In Awesome Sauce

| MO, USA | Bad Behavior, Criminal & Illegal, Food & Drink, Popular, Wild & Unruly

(I am closing drive-thru. We have packets of our signature sauce for drive-thru customers, but we also have pumps of it out in the lobby. Due to health code regulations, we’re not allowed to use the pumps for serving to customers.)

Customer: “Hey, do you mind if I get [Sauce]?”

Me: “Sure, no problem.” *I try to hand her some packets*

Customer: “Actually, can you put some sauce in a side cup for me from the pump in the lobby?”

(After explaining the health code to her, she suddenly gets very unreasonable.)

Customer: “What do you mean it’s unsanitary?! I’m going to go in there, dump out all of the sauce onto the floor, and make you replace it.”

(I have no patience after a long night.)

Me: “Well, you’re welcome to try, but you’ll be leaving in handcuffs.”

(At this point she just sped off.)


Should Have Taken Notarize

| PA, USA | Crazy Requests, Criminal & Illegal

(I work in an auto tag shop. Because of the high volume of paperwork that requires notary, my boss requires anyone who gets hired to get their notary license. We do general notary work as well, but we also tend to know a little more about notarizing motor vehicle paperwork because that’s what we do all day. I got this phone call one afternoon.)

Me: “Good afternoon, [Business]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, hi. I’m going to be selling a car, but I can’t arrange a time to meet up with the buyer. What can I do?”

Me: “Oh, no problem! What you can do is bring the title in to us and we’ll notarize it. Then you can give it to the buyer and he or she can do the transaction without you being there.”

Customer: “Oh, good! What do I need for that?”

Me: “You’ll need to bring us the title and your valid identification. You’ll also need the buyer’s name and address, the purchase price, and the approximate mileage on the car. Then, it’s five dollars and we only accept cash or check.”

Customer: “What if I don’t know the buyer’s name and address?”

Me: “Well, unfortunately, we need that information. We can’t notarize the title without filling that information in on the back. If we do so, it’s called an open title, and that’s illegal.”

Customer: “But I don’t know who’s buying the car!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but you’ll have to wait until you have a buyer secured before you can get the title notarized.”

Customer: “This is outrageous! Is there no place who will notarize this title for me?”

(The shop where I work is known for being extremely strict on the laws, while there are other shops who are a lot more lax as well as notaries who don’t know about open titles. It happens quite often that someone gets something illegal done at another shop and then is upset with us that we can’t do it as well, so I default to my usual answer in this situation.)

Me: “Well, ma’am, I can’t say that. I’m sure that there are notaries and tag shops out there who will do what you’re asking, but I have to warn you that they would be doing it illegally.”

Customer: “What do you mean?”

Me: “An open title is illegal. There are plenty of tag shops out there who operate illegally and will do what you’re asking, but unfortunately we are not one of them.”

Customer: “Oh. Well, then, can you give me the phone number to one of those illegal shops?”

Me: “I’m sorry…? No, ma’am, I don’t have a list on hand of illegal tag shops.”

Customer: “Oh, that’s okay! I’ll find one on my own! Bye!” *hangs up*

Me: “What just happened?”


I Want This Pretty Little Black(mail) Dress

| USA | Criminal & Illegal, Liars & Scammers, Popular

(I fill in at a high-end resale shop owned by friends when they need someone. My roommate stops by to give me lunch and picks up a fairly expensive item her sister had ordered and paid for online. We chat for a while, and after she leaves, the only customer in the store comes up to the counter.)

Customer: “So that’s how it is, huh?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “If I give you a sandwich, do I get a free dress?”

Me: “That was already paid for.”

Customer: “Tell you what, sweetie. You give me these items for half off, and I don’t tell the store manager that you’re giving things away to your friends.”

Me: *speechless*

Customer: “Or we can just call him and have your thieving a** hauled off to jail.”

(She has a really nasty smile. Unfortunately for her, the owner is under the counter working on something and hears every word. He abruptly stands up and she jumps back a little.)

Owner: “Or how ’bout we just kick your thieving a** out of the store?”

(He was absolutely incensed and forbade her from ever coming back. I can’t believe that she jumped to the conclusion that I was giving things away and then tried to blackmail me.)


Trying To Pass On The Credit To You

| Provo, UT, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Criminal & Illegal, Popular, Wild & Unruly

(I’m cashiering when a customer approaches me and turns in a lost credit card she found lying on the floor in front of the doors. I take it, make note of the name on the card, and place it in the safe behind the registers. About twenty minutes later, I get a phone call from a woman saying she thinks her credit card is still at the store. I verify the name on the card, and tell her we did find it. She comes back into the store a few minutes later.)

Customer: “I’m here for a lost credit card.”

Me: “Okay, let me just check your ID!”

(The names again match up, and I return the card to her.)

Customer: “Can I get the name of the girl who rang up my purchase? She never gave me back my card.”

Me: “Actually, I’m pretty sure she did. Another customer found the card on the floor by the doors. I think you may have dropped it, ma’am.”

Customer: “No, I’m pretty sure she kept it from me. I’d like her name. When I find extra charges on the card I’m calling your manager and turning her in!”

Me: “Ma’am, she has worked here for three years, and I know for a fact she would never steal your credit card. There’s no way she could have kept your card, made purchases, and dropped it over by the door all while still being on the clock and ringing at the registers.”

(At this moment, the coworker in question, whose shift has just ended, walks past the registers on her way out. I ask her about the card.)

Coworker: “Yes, ma’am, I do remember handing your card back to you. You put everything back in your wallet but kept the card in your hand as you walked away.”

Customer: “You’re lying! Give me your name! I’m going home to check my bank account and if there are any extra charges on my card I’m calling corporate and the police on you!”

Coworker: “My name is [Coworker] and I promise you won’t find any extra charges on your card.”

(The customer stormed out of the store in reply. There were never any extra charges placed on her card.)


Should Keep Their Hopes Low About Getting High

| UK | Crazy Requests, Criminal & Illegal

(I’m working the Sunday shift on my own at the counter, when three young boys in their teens walk in.)

Me: “Good morning, how can I help you today?”

Customer #1: “We’re looking for some salvia.”

Me: “Excuse me… what? Could you repeat that?”

Customer #1: “Salvia.”

Me: *having never heard of this* “I… I’m not sure…”

Customer #2: “SALVIA, you dumb b****! SAL-VEEEE-AAAA!”

Me: “What is it used for?”

Customer #1: *sighs* “I thought you were meant to know all about this stuff? It’s a drug, to get you high, like weed or heroin and stuff.”

Me: “…”

Customer #2: “It’s legal. They haven’t banned it yet!”

Me: “We… we don’t sell recreational drugs here.”

Customer #3: “Well, then, where the h*** are we meant to get it?”

Me: “You could try your local dealer…”

(To this day I still don’t know what possessed them into thinking that a pharmacy would sell recreational drugs!)

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