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Category: Criminal & Illegal

If They Had An Ounce Of Sense

| Bangor, Wales, UK | Crazy Requests, Criminal & Illegal, Technology

(In the run up to Christmas, one of the popular items has been a small radio controlled quad-copter, and I have been enjoying myself flying these up and down the mall to demonstrate. A young man comes in and enquires about these:)

Customer: “So could it carry any weight, say, an eighth of an ounce?”

Me: *trying not to laugh, as the specific weight mentioned is a dead give away* “Well, no, not really.”

Customer: “Okay, but would it be able to carry any weight over a wall and come back?”

Me: “Nope.”

Customer: “So it wouldn’t, perhaps, be able to carry a sixteenth over a prison wall?”

Me: “Er, no…”

Customer: *leaving* “Okay, thanks anyway. If the police come in, don’t tell them I was asking, okay?”

Take Your Hat Off To Their Detective Skills

| UK | Criminal & Illegal, Holidays

(A customer has been telling me about all the break-ins recently over Christmas, and how a lot of houses have been robbed in the village.)

Customer: “Yeah, the police told us that a CCTV camera caught some young guy wearing a woolly hat.”

Me: *looks up at customer who is wearing woolly hat*

Customer: *quickly snatches hat off his head* “Oh, my, it’s not me. NOT ME!”

Weeding Out The Bad Customers

| Australia | Criminal & Illegal

(I work in the kitchen department in a well known retail chain when a toothless young man who looks and smells like he hasn’t bathed in a while approaches me.)

Customer: “Excuse me; do you have anything electric that can grind… herbs?”

Me: “Sure, we have a basic herb chopper, but if you want to grind it fine you might need a coffee grinder.”

Customer: “I don’t want to lie to you…” *whispers* “It’s for weed.”

Me: “I figured.”

Customer: “”What do you use to grind your weed?”

(I don’t use the stuff.)

Me: “This coffee grinder here. It’s perfect for the job”

Customer: “Thanks. Please don’t tell the cops.”