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Category: Criminal & Illegal

Illegally Starting An Umbrella Corporation

| UT, USA | Criminal & Illegal

I work in the lobby of an office building. The maintenance company we use provides tenants with large umbrellas, which I keep by the doors so employees can take one as they leave. One day it was raining really hard, and a grungy-looking man, obviously NOT one of the employees in my building (I know them all personally) goes right for the umbrella stand and grabs three.)

Me: “Excuse me. I’m sorry, those are for tenants only.”

Man: “They said they’re free here.”

Me: “They are free, but only for tenants, and they’re supposed to bring them back.”

Man: “Please, it’s raining so hard. I just need it for a minute. I’ll bring it back.”

Me: “Why do you need to take three?”

Man: “Oh… uh… because you can’t see them from your desk but I have two little kids outside in the rain.”

Me: “…You can’t just share one? They’re really big.”

Man: “Please, it’s raining so hard. I’ll bring them right back.”

(I knew he was lying but my phone was ringing and I needed to get back to work, so I said “Please just take one” and answered the call. I kept an eye on him as I talked to the caller. Meeting my eyes the entire time, the man not only kept the three in his hand, he grabbed TWO MORE and dashed out the door with them before I could finish my call and tell him to stop. Later in the day, employees coming back from lunch told me that the guy was selling the umbrellas on the street corner, and no, he didn’t have any little kids with him. And that is why I keep the umbrella stand behind my desk now.)

Not A Fruitful Theft

| Sydney, NSW, Australia | At The Checkout, Criminal & Illegal, Family & Kids, Food & Drink

(My boss is quite good at the whole catching-people-stealing thing. He gets pretty fed up with it all the time but usually see the funny side of what people try to steal.)

Boss: *on the phone* “Hey, [My Name], keep an eye on the family in the fruit section right now. They picked up some meat and some soft drink bottles, but I can’t see where they put them. Might just be under the pram, but check when they come though.”

(The family comes up to my coworkers till, so I take over.)

Me: “Hi, how are you today?”

Mother: “Fine.”

Me: “Well, that’s good. Just the banana and apples today?”

Mother: “Yes.”

(Having spied the top of a coke bottle sticking out from a baby’s blanket, I decide to politely point it out.)

Me: “Oh, sorry, that coke bottle; I did not see you come in with it. Did you just forget to add it?”

Mother: “You stupid b****, I came in with it. Just what are you accusing me of?”

Me: “I did not mean to offend, but often people just simply forget.”

Mother: “It’s from home. Now hurry up, silly girl, and don’t you smart mouth me again.”

(At this point my boss has quietly come from the back and stands behind me.)

Boss: “You can hand back the meat in your son’s pants as well.”

Mother: “YOU RACIST PIG!”

Boss: “Well, I have you on camera attempting to steal, so either drop what you have now and get out, or pay for everything and get out, but in any case do not ever come back into my store or I will call the police.”

Mother: “I HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG!”

Boss “I’m sure the police won’t agree with you. OUT!”

Thinks Very Highly Of Your Cakes

| USA | Crazy Requests, Criminal & Illegal, Family & Kids, Food & Drink

(I work as a cake decorator at a well known and respectable bakery. We take orders over the phone, as well as in person. One day, I received an unusual phone call. After writing down the basics of her order…)

Woman: “Can you make it a pot cake?”

Me: “What do you mean?”

Woman: “Can you put the pot in it?”

Me: “You mean you want marijuana baked into your cake?”

Woman: “Yes! A lot of it.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we don’t do that.”

Woman: “Well, can you at least draw a pot leaf on the top of the cake?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I am not allowed to do that, either. I can decorate it with a different picture, or write something on it if you want.”

Woman: “Okay, then write on it.”

Me: “What do you want it to say?”

Woman: “Happy Birthday, Mom.”