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Category: Criminal & Illegal

You Just Weeded Yourself Out, Part 2

| Portland, OR, USA | Crazy Requests, Criminal & Illegal

(My coworker is cleaning out the fitting room and finds a fairly generous bag of weed. Later in the day the police stop by in the back room and are picking it up. Meanwhile on the floor…)

Customer: “Hey, I left a bag here earlier.”

Me: “Okay, what kind of bag?”

Customer: “Just a ziploc bag with some… cooking herbs…”

Me: “Uh. Well, my coworker did find a bag matching that description earlier.”

Customer: “Can I have it back?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “What? Why not! You guys are stealing my… herbs. I’m a… chef… I need those!”

Me: “Well, I can go tell the police officers in the back that the owner of the marijuana came back if you would like.”

(The customer turned around and ran right out of the store.)

Related:
You Just Weeded Yourself Out

Getting Lawyered By Both Lawyers

| VA, USA | Crazy Requests, Criminal & Illegal

Caller: “Hi, I’m the plaintiff in a lawsuit against [Our Client]. My lawyers want to charge me a lot of money, so I was wondering if you would be my lawyers instead.”

Me: “I’m… I’m sorry, are you asking us to represent you against our own client?”

Caller: “Yeah, because then you wouldn’t have to charge me any money, right? Since you’re already getting paid to do all the work by [Our Client]?”

Me: “Okay, first of all, that’s not how it works. At all. Second, we’d be sanctioned for ethics violations just for suggesting it.”

Caller: “What the f***?! My lawyer was right. You guys are a bunch of a**holes.” *click*

(Three minutes later, his lawyer calls.)

Lawyer: “Did you just offer to represent [Caller] for free?”

Me: “No, we turned him down because, as you apparently told him, we’re a bunch of a**-holes.”

Lawyer: “He said what?! Hang on.” *speaking to someone else with his hand covering the phone* “[Caller], I’m resigning as your counsel. Get the f*** out of my office.” *back to me* “I’ll be in touch about this later.” *click*

They Will Be So Low When They See What Happens Next

| CT, USA | Bad Behavior, Criminal & Illegal, Underaged

(I’m checking IDs. A group of about five boys approach me.)

Me: “IDs, guys?”

(Customer #1 hands me his credit card instead of his ID.)

Me: “…This isn’t an ID.”

Customer #1: “Oh, right, sorry.” *he turns to his friends* “S***, bro, I’m sooooo high right now.”