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Category: Criminal & Illegal

Weeding Out The Irresponsible Users

| Atlanta, GA, USA | Criminal & Illegal, Health & Body

(I am working the closing shift one evening, with my only other company being my boss, the head pharmacist. A man comes in to pick up a fairly mundane prescription.)

Me: “Before I ring this up, do you have any questions for the pharmacist?”

Customer: “Yeah, will this have any interactions with marijuana?”

Me: *looking to the pharmacist* “Um…”

(My boss comes over to the registers and makes a show of looking through the printed information pamphlet that comes with every prescription.)

Pharmacist: “I don’t believe so…”

Customer: *picking up on our unease* “Oh, don’t worry. I don’t go out on the road or anything when I get high. I just stay home until my trip ends.”

(He then paid his bill and left.)

Me: *to pharmacist* “…Well, at least he’s being responsible about it.”

Not Sue-table

| Cayman Islands | Criminal & Illegal, Extra Stupid

(My company lists our toll free number on all the domains we are selling; hence, we get a lot of confused calls. Our reception teams mostly take care of that problem. However, sometimes few will slip through the crack and get a hold of me.)

Me: “Hello, this is [My Name]; how can I assist you?”

Caller #1: “What is your fax number?”

Me: “What domain is this related to sir?”

Caller #1: “Are you going to give me your fax or not? Or should I just see you in court?”

Me: *pause* “Here is my fax number.” *gives it* “What is this regarding to?”

Caller #1: “We are suing you for infringement and stealing our website.”

Me: “We are a brokerage firm. We don’t own anything or would need to steal. We represent clients who owns domains.”

Caller #1: “Yeah. Whatever.”

(He hangs up. Ten minutes later I receive a fax. He claims we stole his website and is running it under his name. I call back from the number shown in the fax.)

Me: “This is [My Name] from [Company]. I have received a fax from a gentlemen from your company. I realize the domain mentioned in the letter is owned by your own company.”

Caller #2: “Yes. That was [Caller #1]. He has left the office. I am the director of the company. Are you going to stop stealing our website or do we need to see you in court?”

Me: “Sir, after reading the fax, the website name is owned by you and is redirected to your company. Effectively, you are trying to sue yourself.”

(I can hear a lot of typing in the background.)

Caller #2: “Oh! I guess our tech team must have bought this without us knowing.” *long pause* “I am sorry; we should have looked into it.”

Me: “I think I just saved you a whole lot of lawyer cost and embarrassment.”

Caller #2: “Yeah, [Caller #1] is an idiot sometimes. Thank you again.”

(I passed that fax around the office, and now it’s pinned on the fridge in our company kitchen.)

Making It Rain Laminated Sheets

| Canada | Bizarre, Criminal & Illegal, Money, Technology

(An older gentleman approaches the counter, with an abrupt manner about him.)

Customer: “Do you do laminating here?”

Me: “Yep, sure do!”

(Before I can explain pricing or options or anything, he cuts me off:)

Customer: “Well, where is it? Is it a machine in self-serve, or do I have to give you the items, or what?”

Me: “Oh, it gets done here, behind the counter. What are you looking to get laminated today?”

(He reaches into his pocket and gets out his wallet. That’s not that unusual; people frequently get business cards or small wallet-sized photo laminated. However, instead of getting anything like that out, I see he’s opened the bill portion and is pulling out a $100 bill… and another… and another… and another, until he’s holding out ten $100 bills. He holds them out to me like it’s nothing, a strange smugness about him. In my surprise over it, it takes me a second to actually respond, but eventually I take a step back and hold my hands up and shaking my head;)

Me: “I… can’t laminate that.”

Customer: “What?! Well, why not? What’s wrong with it!”

Me: “It’s illegal for me to laminate any kind of currency.”

Customer: “What?! What do you mean? How is that possible? Just laminate it!”

Me: “Well, even if I COULD laminate it… It would get ruined in the machine… Like, it would melt. You know these bills are made of something similar to plastic, right? And the laminate sheet is its own sort of plastic. The heat from the machine would make the bills illegible.”

Customer: “What do you mean? Just run them through.”

Me: “The heat would ruin them. They would melt together with the plastic of the laminate sleeve, probably ‘bleeding’ and blurring…”

(I had no idea if that would happen or not, I just knew that they couldn’t go through the machine because they’d sustain some sort of damage, and also it is illegal. He looked entirely displeased and put out, but then shoved the bills back into his wallet and stormed away. I turned to my coworker who was with me at the time, looking at her in disbelief, and she shrugged.)

Coworker: “Maybe he had some big bill to pay, and he’s trying to be a smart-a** about it.”