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Category: Criminal & Illegal

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Karma Was Blowing Something Fierce That Day

| Dallas, TX, USA | Criminal & Illegal, Popular

(In the front of the store is where the registers are located along with the front doors. On the very right side of the building is another set of counters where our Parts and Service department is located. We sell power equipment like blowers, chainsaws, lawnmowers. A man approaches my coworker in the front of the store where the registers are. A customer sets down a “name brand” blower and takes out his wallet.)

Coworker: “I’m sorry, sir, but if you go back over to where you got the blower, the guys over at Parts & Service will put oil and gas in it for you and make sure it works before you leave the store. And the cashier will take your money and get the warranty paperwork started for you.”

(The guy just looks at her and then runs out the front with the blower in hand. My other coworker runs after the guy. The man throws the blower in the back seat and gets into the passenger side of the car. The windows are down so my coworker reaches in and grabs the blower and is about to pull it out of the car when the man grabs his hand and squeezes hard. The other man in the driver’s side backs up and takes off. My coworker is able to pull his arm out of the car before he gets hurt.)

Manager: “Hey! Are you okay?! Don’t ever do anything like that again! I appreciate what you were trying to do, but don’t do that, ever!”

(My manager asks if anyone was able to get the license plate of the car. No one did. Meanwhile my assistant manager is calling the cops who (I’m not joking) are only half a mile down the street. The cops get there and are talking to everyone involved. My manager walks out to where the car was parked. He looks down on the ground and can’t believe what he sees. He walks back in the store, grinning and chuckling.)

Manager: “Officer, I think you’ll find him in no time using this.”

(My manager handed the officer the man’s CREDIT CARD that he had dropped on the ground. About a week later they found the man and also found that he had other warrants out for his arrest. We got our blower back and the man got bit in the a** by karma.)

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Can’t Use The Beer-Code

| Bristol, England, UK | At The Checkout, Criminal & Illegal, Liars & Scammers

(On a busy Sunday, we are short staffed on the tills and my manager jumps on a till to give us a hand. A customer comes up to him and hands him a piece of folded newspaper and a beer.)

Customer: “This is free, so just give me a bag and I’ll go.”

Manager: “Umm, I’m afraid you haven’t yet paid for your item, sir.”

Customer: “But I gave you a VOUCHER!”

(The manager unfolds the newspaper scrap which turns out to be a barcode (or most of one) and nothing else.)

Manager: “Sir, I can’t accept this; there is no voucher here. You can’t pay with barcodes.”

(The customer is now getting angry and agitated, and several customers behind him are starting to get impatient. So my manager attempts to scan the barcode “just this once”, but it is not recognised by the till.)

Manager: “Can I ask where you got this voucher, sir? It doesn’t seem to be on our system.”

Customer: *now red with anger* “I DON’T HAVE TO EXPLAIN MYSELF TO YOU! *slams beer down on the til* “FINE! I’LL JUST LEAVE!”

(He stormed out of the shop, ranting about the “attitudes of the staff.” My manager and I shared a bewildered look with each other, and with some of the regulars waiting in the queue.)

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Just Plain Stealing

| Iowa City, IA, USA | Criminal & Illegal, Food & Drink, Popular

(I am second in line at a coffee shop counter.)

Customer: “Can I please get a plain coffee, medium?”

Barista: “Sure, that’ll be [low amount].”

(The customer moves over and I am next.)

Me: “Medium pumpkin spice latte.”

(The barista takes my $5 or so and I move over with the first customer. She is standing really close to the place where the barista drops off the drink, hovering over the counter. I stand farther back to allow people to move between us to get to the seating area. Several minutes go by and the girl ahead of me leaves with a drink. I wait longer, noticing people behind me are getting their drinks before me.)

Me: *to barista making coffees* “Hello, I was wondering if you’ve made a medium pumpkin spice latte yet? I’ve been waiting for almost ten minutes.”

Barista #2: “Yes, I put that out a while ago. Is this drink not yours?”

(He gestured to the counter where a plain coffee was sitting. Apparently that girl deliberately ordered a cheap drink and stole the more expensive one when it came up so she didn’t have to pay full price.)

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This Situation Has Gone To The Dogs

| NC, USA | Criminal & Illegal, Pets & Animals, Popular

(I am the district manager for a company that uses guerrilla marketing tactics. I am out with one of my subordinates doing handouts house to house in a rural area. We happen upon an abandoned house and are shocked to see a puppy and an older dog confined with no access to water or food in 90 degree weather. We call the animal control, which is handled by the sheriff’s department. He is filing his report after having watered the dogs and trying to figure out what to do when suddenly a lady comes stomping through an open field from a house two streets over.)

Lady: “HEY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH MY DOGS?!”

Officer: *pissed* “Oh, these are YOUR dogs? Well, then, I guess we were just looking for you.”

Lady: “What can I help you with?”

Officer: “Can you please tell me why your dogs are located at an abandoned residence? They didn’t have any water, and it’s hot out here!”

Lady: “Well, my son brought this puppy home yesterday and all he does is howl. We hadn’t figured out what to do with them yet… Why are y’all in my backyard?”

Officer: “This is not your backyard. This an abandoned residence! You live on a whole different street! Your animals should be kept on your property where you can care for them! You understand I could bring charges against you for your dogs not having any water, right?”

Lady: “I gave them water this morning! How was I supposed to know they were out?” *to me* “If you hadn’t been trespassing this wouldn’t be an issue!”

Officer: “Don’t talk to them. Talk to me! You would know they were out of water if they were kept close to your residence!”

Lady: “I’m not allowed to have pets! They shouldn’t have been in my backyard. I want them charged with trespassing!” *to me* “I’ll see you end up in jail for this!”

Officer: “Don’t talk to them. Talk to me. You have to deal with me now because I’m coming back in 24 hours. Here is a list of infractions I need corrected so that YOU don’t end up in jail for animal cruelty!”

(The woman continues to rant about how we were trespassing and since we are supposed to be working we head on our way. I return to the office to find that she has been calling waiting for a supervisor to return. I do not bother to return her call; however, I happened to answer when she calls back in.)

Lady: “I’m trying to reach a manager!”

Me: “That would be me. What can I assist you with?”

Lady: “Oh, good! I’ve been trying to reach you all morning! I just needed to inform you about a problem I had with a few of your employees this morning… They were in my backyard messing with my dogs! For safety reasons I thought this should be brought to your attention. They could get hurt messing around on someone’s private property!”

Me: “Oh! Why didn’t you tell me that when I was there?!”

Lady: “That was you?! I asked to speak to a manager! Let me speak to YOUR supervisor!”

Me: “Well, I am the manager of this unit. Would you like to speak to the district manager?”

(She says yes and I put her on hold for about 10 minutes, smoke a cigarette, and pick back up.)

Me: “Thanks for holding. This is [My Name].”

Lady: “S***! I want to speak to the district manager!”

Me: “Oh! Well, since I manage every store within a 50 mile radius I guess that would be me. My supervisor is actually the owner of the franchise, but he is in Los Angeles for a PETA assembly, so I highly doubt he is going to be interested in your complaint. Now please do not call this number again or I will add harassment to the list of pending charges.”

Lady: *click*

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Don’t Have A Cow, Man

| VIC, Australia | Criminal & Illegal, Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals, Popular

(I work on a cattle farm in a small town. I am checking fences on the quad bike when a small car drives up the dirt road next to the paddock I’m in. A couple gets out of a small car and walks up to me. This is just a farm; we don’t not handle customers, just send cattle to the marketplace. I have no retail experience and have had a very bad day and it’s almost quitting time.)

Boyfriend: “Hello there. We’re from [City] and we saw those small cows in the fields back there, and we where wondering if we could buy one?”

Me: “Sorry, mate, the calves aren’t for sale.”

Boyfriend: “But my girlfriend really wants one.”

Me: “Sorry, mate, we don’t sell ’em to people and besides, how would you get it back to your house?”

Boyfriend: “We put it in the boot.” *the trunk*

Me: “Wait, what? You put what in the boot?!”

Boyfriend: “The small cow…”

Me: “What the h***, man! You can’t do that!”

(I climb through the fence and make the couple open the boot. Inside is a week-old calf!)

Me: “Jesus, mate, how the f*** did you get it in there?!”

Boyfriend: “Well, that’s the other thing I wanted to talk about! It wasn’t easy at all; my girlfriend got kicked!

Girlfriend: *shows me her arm, bruise already starting to show* “It really hurts; I think we should get the cow for free.”

Me: “YOU’RE NOT GETTING THE CALF!”

Boyfriend: “That’s not fair! It was so hard to get; we didn’t even have time to close the gate again.”

Me: “You didn’t close the gate…”

Girlfriend: “No. Why?”

Me: *looks back down the road to see half the mob of cattle wandering towards us*

Me: “F***!”

(I grab the calf, which until this point hasn’t felt the need to move much for whatever reason, and place it on the ground. It immediately takes off towards the other cattle, bellowing for its mother.)

Boyfriend: “What the f*** did you that for, you f****** a**-hole! I should kick your a**! We are gonna find your boss and get you fired!”

Me: “Whatever. Just get lost!

(I race to the quad bike, start rounding up cattle, taking them back to the paddock before they get to the main roads. It takes about half an hour. When I get back to the shed the car is out the front and my boss is talking to the couple.)

Boss: “These two just told me the funniest story about you.” *he’s smiling, thinking this has to be a joke*

Me: *still fuming over what happened, begin yelling at the couple*

Boss: “Wait, this isn’t a joke?”

Boyfriend: “No, this isn’t a joke! Your employee is terrible!”

Boss: *takes a moment to process the whole thing, begins to get his angry face on, and I retreat to safe distance* “YOU’RE TELLING ME YOU TWO TRIED TO STEAL ONE OF MY CALVES?! GET THE H*** OFF THIS PROPERTY BEFORE I FIND A DEEP MINE-SHAFT I CAN THROW YOU IN!”

Couple: *shared look of terror on faces, they run to the car and speed off*

Boss: *after calming down* “Beer?”

Me: “God, yes.”

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