Category: Criminal & Illegal

Going Off On Flights Of Fancy

| Reykjavik, Iceland | Crazy Requests, Criminal & Illegal

(I work at a sales desk at a bus company and we have to answer the phones as well. We provide an airport shuttle so we follow the landing times at the airport when picking up passengers. One night a woman phones in:)

Me: “[Bus Company]; good evening.”

Customer: “Hi. My friend is flying in from [Country]. When will she be home?”

Me: “Well, according to our information there are two flights coming in today from [Country]. Do you know which airline she is flying with?”

Customer: “No, can’t you look it up for me?”

Me: “No, ma’am. This is a bus company. I have no access to another company’s system, and I am pretty sure that would violate some privacy laws. If you can tell me when you were expecting her, during the day, morning, afternoon, or evening, I could help you make an educated guess, but I still cannot answer for the flight company as I only work for a bus company.”

Customer: “I used to work for your company many years ago and we did this all the time! She is my friend and neighbour! Just look it up for me!”

Me: “I am sorry, ma’am. I really cannot. This company does not have access to passenger lists of other companies nor is it legal even if I had the information.”

(The customer continues with a four-minute rant about poor customer service and this would not have been a problem when she had worked there. I politely suggest that maybe she should take a nice evening stroll over to her friends place and see if she’s home.)

Customer: “Why didn’t I think of that!? Still poor customer service; I still have to get out of my house to be sure!” *slams down phone*

Baked In The Bakery

| Berkeley, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Criminal & Illegal

(Two young men and one young woman walk into the store. They appear to be college-aged.)

Man #1: “So, these cupcakes are, like, really good, right?”

Me: “Yep! The owner bakes them herself using great ingredients.”

(They wander around the store for a minute. Suddenly, the other man pulls out a plastic container of marijuana.)

Man #2: “Man, smell this!”

Man #1: “Oh, s***, that is some great stuff.”

Woman: “Let me smell.”

(Since the container looks similar to that of the local dispensary, I decide a call to the police is uncalled for without more information, so I wait.)

Woman: *smelling the drugs* “Oh, wow, that’s really good!” *smiles at me* “One banana split cupcake, please!”

(As I get her the cupcake, I keep staring at the container of weed. The young men seem completely unfazed by this.)

Me: *ringing up the payment* “Have a great day!”

Man #1: *walking out, weed still visibly in hand* “Oh, we DEFINITELY will!”

Gun Control Out Of Control, Part 2

| IN, USA | Bad Behavior, Criminal & Illegal, Money, Popular, Wild & Unruly

Me: “Thank you for calling [Cable Company]! My name is [My Name]. How can I help—”

Customer: “Now listen here, f*****! I keep getting these calls saying I’m past due on my bill! I pay my bill ON TIME, EVERY MONTH! What the h*** is the meaning of this?”

(The customer continues on in this fashion for about fifteen minutes, swearing at me and calling me names. I finally managed to get his account pulled up, and wouldn’t you know it, he indeed has a past due balance. He has actually been about a month behind on his bill for most of the year. I proceed to explain the situation to him, going a year back and explaining each bill to him.)

Me: “Sir, I understand your frustration, but the fact of the matter is, you’ve been behind a month on your bill for the past year. You’ve been turned off twice in that time. This is why you continually get those automated calls. If you’d like, I can set you up on a payment plan to get you caught back up.”

Customer: “Why? So you and your communist company can swindle me out of more money? You can go right to h***, and if I get one more call about my so-called ‘past due’ balance, I’ll send you there myself! I have a gun, and it’s looking a bit bored, if you get my meaning.”

Me: *becoming angry* “Okay, sir, you have now crossed a very serious line. Are you aware that making death threats is a serious crime?”

Customer: “It’s not a threat. It’s a promise. I will hunt you down, mother-f*****!”

Me: “See, now, I don’t think that’s going to be possible. For one thing, you haven’t the slightest idea where I am. I could be five miles away from you, or clear across the country. So, best of luck finding me. Second, this call is being recorded, as I’m sure you’re well aware, so our entire conversation would stand as evidence in a court of law. Third, in keeping with your ignorance of my whereabouts, you know nothing about me except my first name and where I work. I, however, have your full name, address, telephone number, social security number, and a whole myriad of other information that would prove quite useful to the police, should I choose to file a police report. And believe me, I intend to. Now, would you like to rethink your threats, or do you want to carry on with your plan to gun me down?”

Customer: “…’m sorry.”

Me: “Thank you. Now, these calls will continue until your past due balance is paid. I recommend paying the whole balance in full and getting your account current so we don’t have to have this conversation again.”

(The rest of the call was him mumbling sheepishly and me happily closing the call. Never heard back from him, strangely enough!)

Related:
Gun Control Out Of Control

Protect From Rain But Not From Thieves

| PA, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Criminal & Illegal, Popular

(After a recent renovation, the break room where staff leaves their belongings in the store I manage is visible to customers shopping. I’ve been pushing to have a door put up, but my district manager told me it’s unnecessary. She is visiting one day, during a huge rain shower.)

Customer: *gesturing towards the break room* “How much for that umbrella?”

Me: “Oh, that’s my district manager’s. I’m afraid we don’t sell umbrellas, but the store next door does.”

Customer: “But I don’t want one from there. I want THAT one. How much?”

Me: “I’m afraid it’s not for sale. She just left it open to dry. But the neighboring store’s umbrellas will keep you just as dry.”

Customer: “Oh, sweetie, I’m not worrying about being dry. I got an umbrella in my purse. But that one’s way prettier. How much?”

Me: “Like I said, my manager needs it to stay dry. It’s not for sale.”

(The customer harrumphed, and went on shopping. Later, the district manager noticed her umbrella was missing. Reviewing the security footage, we saw the customer sneak back and steal the umbrella. A week later, a door was installed in front of the break room.)

Getting Breaking Bad Credit

, | Greenville, SC, USA | Criminal & Illegal, Extra Stupid, Popular

(I work at a banking call center and we often get calls from people asking why their card isn’t working. In this case, our fraud system has blocked a card for suspicious use and the customer has called to find out what is going on.)

Customer: “Why did my card get blocked at [National Pharmacy Chain]?”

Me: “Well, you had a $850 purchase there one day and $1,500 the next. High dollar pharmacy purchases have a high risk of being flagged by our fraud system and causing your card to get blocked.”

Customer: “Why is that?”

Me: “One of the main reasons is because there are a lot of drugs that you can buy at a pharmacy that, when bought in enough quantity and mixed in combination with certain others or certain chemicals, can be used for illegal purposes. For example, pseudoephedrine is a key ingredient in making methamphetamines.”

Customer: “Is making meth illegal?”

Me: “Yes, sir…”

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