Category: Criminal & Illegal

An Alarming Lack Of Alarming

| USA | Criminal & Illegal, Popular, Technology

(I work at an alarm management company monitoring home alarms. Normally when an intrusion or motion sensor alarm triggers, we call the house first in case it is the owner. They generally give us their passcode and we cancel the alarm. In this scenario, a motion sensor alarm comes up and I call the home.)

Me: “This is [My Name] with [Security Company]. Am I speaking with [Owner]?”

Phone: “Yes.”

Me: “Okay, Mr. [Owner], if you can just verify the passcode for your account, I’ll be glad to disable the alarm for you.”

Phone: “I don’t have an alarm.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Phone: “I don’t have an alarm system. Whatever you’re seeing is wrong. Cancel the alarm; it’s not at my house.”

(I obviously think that this is bizarre so I call the secondary number, the owner’s work phone.)

Me: “This is [Name] with [Security Company]. Am I speaking with [Owner]?”

Owner: “Yes, that’s me.”

Me: “We didn’t just speak on your home line, did we?”

Owner: “No? Is something wrong?”

Me: “I thought not. Can I get your passcode for [Security Company]?”

Owner: “[Code].”

Me: “Somebody answered your home phone and claimed you did not have an alarm system. I have already dispatched the police to your home.”

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To Protect And To Steal

| NY, USA | Bad Behavior, Criminal & Illegal, Extra Stupid, Money

(I work at a donut shop in lower Manhattan. A clearly homeless guy in a police uniform walks in holding clearly a fake gun.)

Homeless Man: “Give me all your money! This is police business!”

(I slowly start filling a bag with money, but before I do so, my coworker calls the police. Eventually, the police arrive, and as they do the homeless man begins to pretend to be a police officer trying to find the suspect.)

Homeless Man: *groaning* “Now where’d that man go. He must be gone. Too bad.”

(He ended up getting arrested and turned out to be a former police officer trying to find some cash.)

A Disconnection Between Her Phone And The Truth

| USA | Bad Behavior, Criminal & Illegal, Popular, Technology

(It’s late at night and I’m about leave work. I get a last minute call.)

Me: “Hello, thank you for calling [Company]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “My phone is broken and I DEMAND a new one.”

Me: “Okay, ma’am. What distributor is your phone from?”

Caller: “Your company.”

Me: “Okay, ma’am, let me rephrase. Who made your phone? Is it an Apple pro—“

Caller: “No, my phone isn’t a god-d*** Apple! Now, I demand a new phone!”

Me: *keeps playing her game* “I’m sorry, ma’am. Is your phone an Android?”

Caller: “Yes!”

Me: “Okay, ma’am. What’s your name?”

Caller: “[Name].”

Me: “Thank you, please hold.”

(I put her on hold and pull up her records. You can see what phone the customer is calling from when you pull up the records, as well as other important details.)

Me: “Ma’am, [Company]’s records say you’re calling from the ‘broken phone.’ Records also say you’re three months overdue for your bill. Please pay with the next two months or else we’ll have to disconnect you.”

Caller: *click*

Refuses To Understand The Weight Of The Matter

| USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Criminal & Illegal, Food & Drink, Money

(I’m a shift manager at a frozen yoghurt shop. It’s self-serve, and we charge by weight – doesn’t matter if it’s toppings or yogurt, it’s all $0.42 an oz. We have large signs above the yogurt machines, toppings, and entrance advertising this.)

Customer: *grabs a bowl, bypasses the yogurt, and fills it 2/3 of the way with chocolate sauce before setting it on the scale*

Me: *calculates her price* “That’ll be $4.53!”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “That’ll be $4.53 for you today.”

Customer: “For chocolate sauce?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. We charge by weight; it’s 42 cents an ounce.”

Customer: “I know, but don’t you charge less for the toppings?”

Me: “Everything is the same price.”

Customer: “You’re charging me $4.53 for chocolate sauce?!”

Me: “Everything is priced by weight, 42 cents an ounce, both toppings and yogurt.” *I point to one of our signs*

Customer: “I’m not paying over four dollars for chocolate sauce! [Local Ice Cream Shop] charges 50 cents for their chocolate sauce!”

Me: “They charge 50 cents for a scoop of chocolate sauce on your ice cream. We charge by weight for all our items. You got a bowl of chocolate sauce.”

Customer: *shaking her head vigorously* “I’m not paying this much for chocolate sauce.”

(Before I could say anything, she immediately threw the unpaid for bowl of chocolate sauce in our trashcan and turned to leave. Now angry, I started to say that she needed to pay for the food she got, but she just shot me a furious look and hightailed it out of there.)

Very Green To This Neighborhood

| NS, Canada | Crazy Requests, Criminal & Illegal

(I work at a live theatre in a small town, where most of our patrons are elderly and kind. One day, a young male customer comes through the front doors.)

Me: “Good afternoon, can I help you with something?”

Customer: “Yes! I just moved here, and I don’t know anyone. I have to ask you a question.”

Me: “Great, I’d be happy to help you.”

Customer: “I was walking by the theatre and thought that this might be the place to get help.”

Me: “Well, we’d be glad to help if we can. What’s your question?”

Customer: “I’m looking for marijuana.”

Me: “…”

Customer: “Weed. Green.”

Me: “Yes, I understand…”

Customer: “Great! So, do you sell it here?”

Me: “No, sir, this is a real business. I can sell you tickets to a show, but we do not sell drugs.”

Customer: *annoyed* “Well, you’re no help! You people are useless! I guess I’ll just go ask some random person on the street since your ‘business’ can’t help me!”

(He angrily stormed out of the store. My colleague and I looked at each other, dumbfounded.)

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