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Category: Criminal & Illegal

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Protect From Rain But Not From Thieves

| PA, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Criminal & Illegal, Popular

(After a recent renovation, the break room where staff leaves their belongings in the store I manage is visible to customers shopping. I’ve been pushing to have a door put up, but my district manager told me it’s unnecessary. She is visiting one day, during a huge rain shower.)

Customer: *gesturing towards the break room* “How much for that umbrella?”

Me: “Oh, that’s my district manager’s. I’m afraid we don’t sell umbrellas, but the store next door does.”

Customer: “But I don’t want one from there. I want THAT one. How much?”

Me: “I’m afraid it’s not for sale. She just left it open to dry. But the neighboring store’s umbrellas will keep you just as dry.”

Customer: “Oh, sweetie, I’m not worrying about being dry. I got an umbrella in my purse. But that one’s way prettier. How much?”

Me: “Like I said, my manager needs it to stay dry. It’s not for sale.”

(The customer harrumphed, and went on shopping. Later, the district manager noticed her umbrella was missing. Reviewing the security footage, we saw the customer sneak back and steal the umbrella. A week later, a door was installed in front of the break room.)

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Getting Breaking Bad Credit

, | Greenville, SC, USA | Criminal & Illegal, Extra Stupid, Popular

(I work at a banking call center and we often get calls from people asking why their card isn’t working. In this case, our fraud system has blocked a card for suspicious use and the customer has called to find out what is going on.)

Customer: “Why did my card get blocked at [National Pharmacy Chain]?”

Me: “Well, you had a $850 purchase there one day and $1,500 the next. High dollar pharmacy purchases have a high risk of being flagged by our fraud system and causing your card to get blocked.”

Customer: “Why is that?”

Me: “One of the main reasons is because there are a lot of drugs that you can buy at a pharmacy that, when bought in enough quantity and mixed in combination with certain others or certain chemicals, can be used for illegal purposes. For example, pseudoephedrine is a key ingredient in making methamphetamines.”

Customer: “Is making meth illegal?”

Me: “Yes, sir…”

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A Very Specific Need(le)

| Austin, TX, USA | Criminal & Illegal, Pets & Animals, Popular

(I’m at the front counter of a small veterinary clinic when a young couple that I’ve never seen before come in, followed by a regular client.)

Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

Man: “Yeah, I need to give my dog some medicine, but I don’t have a syringe. Can I buy a syringe?”

Me: “Sure, what size do you need?”

Man: “I just need a syringe!”

Me: “I understand. How much medicine is it that your dog needs? We have syringes that measure in tenth ml increments, and in larger sizes up to 60mls.”

Man: “Just sell me a syringe!”

Me: “Give me just a minute.”

(I go to the back and return with syringes in a variety of sizes. None of them have a needle attached.)

Me: “These are what we have; which one would you like?”

Man: “NO! I need a SYRINGE!” *gestures with his finger as if giving himself an IV injection in the arm*

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I can’t sell needles.”

(The man leaves in a huff, the woman trails behind. Before they are even through the door, my regular client walks up, slams his hand down on the counter and says loudly:)

Regular: “What does it take to get some heroin in this place?”