Category: Criminal & Illegal


Protect From Rain But Not From Thieves

| PA, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Criminal & Illegal, Popular

(After a recent renovation, the break room where staff leaves their belongings in the store I manage is visible to customers shopping. I’ve been pushing to have a door put up, but my district manager told me it’s unnecessary. She is visiting one day, during a huge rain shower.)

Customer: *gesturing towards the break room* “How much for that umbrella?”

Me: “Oh, that’s my district manager’s. I’m afraid we don’t sell umbrellas, but the store next door does.”

Customer: “But I don’t want one from there. I want THAT one. How much?”

Me: “I’m afraid it’s not for sale. She just left it open to dry. But the neighboring store’s umbrellas will keep you just as dry.”

Customer: “Oh, sweetie, I’m not worrying about being dry. I got an umbrella in my purse. But that one’s way prettier. How much?”

Me: “Like I said, my manager needs it to stay dry. It’s not for sale.”

(The customer harrumphed, and went on shopping. Later, the district manager noticed her umbrella was missing. Reviewing the security footage, we saw the customer sneak back and steal the umbrella. A week later, a door was installed in front of the break room.)


Getting Breaking Bad Credit

, | Greenville, SC, USA | Criminal & Illegal, Extra Stupid, Popular

(I work at a banking call center and we often get calls from people asking why their card isn’t working. In this case, our fraud system has blocked a card for suspicious use and the customer has called to find out what is going on.)

Customer: “Why did my card get blocked at [National Pharmacy Chain]?”

Me: “Well, you had a $850 purchase there one day and $1,500 the next. High dollar pharmacy purchases have a high risk of being flagged by our fraud system and causing your card to get blocked.”

Customer: “Why is that?”

Me: “One of the main reasons is because there are a lot of drugs that you can buy at a pharmacy that, when bought in enough quantity and mixed in combination with certain others or certain chemicals, can be used for illegal purposes. For example, pseudoephedrine is a key ingredient in making methamphetamines.”

Customer: “Is making meth illegal?”

Me: “Yes, sir…”


A Very Specific Need(le)

| Austin, TX, USA | Criminal & Illegal, Pets & Animals, Popular

(I’m at the front counter of a small veterinary clinic when a young couple that I’ve never seen before come in, followed by a regular client.)

Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

Man: “Yeah, I need to give my dog some medicine, but I don’t have a syringe. Can I buy a syringe?”

Me: “Sure, what size do you need?”

Man: “I just need a syringe!”

Me: “I understand. How much medicine is it that your dog needs? We have syringes that measure in tenth ml increments, and in larger sizes up to 60mls.”

Man: “Just sell me a syringe!”

Me: “Give me just a minute.”

(I go to the back and return with syringes in a variety of sizes. None of them have a needle attached.)

Me: “These are what we have; which one would you like?”

Man: “NO! I need a SYRINGE!” *gestures with his finger as if giving himself an IV injection in the arm*

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I can’t sell needles.”

(The man leaves in a huff, the woman trails behind. Before they are even through the door, my regular client walks up, slams his hand down on the counter and says loudly:)

Regular: “What does it take to get some heroin in this place?”


New Heights Of Unreasonableness

| Northern Ireland, UK | Bad Behavior, Criminal & Illegal, Popular

(It is a busy Saturday night in a 70-seater a-la-carte restaurant. My father is restaurant manager and I am wine waiter. Two quite drunk fellas wander into the restaurant and sit at a table which has been reserved. My father notices this and makes his way to the table.)

Customer: “Bring us a menu.”

Father: “Sorry, gents, but this table’s reserved. You’ll have to go onto the waiting list but I should point out there’s a 45 minute wait.”

Customer: “We’re not moving. Bring us a menu.”

Father: “I’m sorry, but I’ve explained that you will have to wait.”

(The other drunk customer gets agitated and pipes up.)

Other Customer: “Look, just bring us menus or I’ll kick your head in.”

Father: *who is 6 foot 2 inches* “Sir, if you can lift your leg that high, you deserve to kick my head in. Now piss off out of my restaurant.”

(They did…)


Rage Against The Teenage Machine

| Ireland | Bizarre, Criminal & Illegal, Money, Popular

(I’m the customer in this story. I’m at a self-checkout and am bagging up my items and about to scoop up my change from the machine slot. I’m the only teenager here and there are free machines around me.)

Next Customer: *drops items onto my machine*

Me: “Sorry, I’m just finishing up; I’ll be gone in a minute.”

Next Customer: “That’s not good enough! You shouldn’t be taking so long.”

Employee: “Excuse me, [Next Customer], there’s a free machine just over…”

Next Customer: “But I want this machine! I’m in a hurry!”

Employee: “Well, the machine next to that one is free?”

Next Customer: *to employee* “I WASN’T TALKING TO YOU!”

Me: *reaching to collect notes from below the machine*

Next Customer: *grabs my change*

Me: “Sorry, that’s my change; can I have it back please?”

Next Customer: “You’re at MY machine, so it’s mine now! You’re holding me up. Move!”

Me: “Sorry, but I’m not leaving without my change. Please hand it back.”

Employee: “I’ve called for the manager.” *to next customer* “Please hand the girl her change.”

Next Customer: “But she’s at MY machine, and what the f*** do teenagers know about money? I need it more than she does!”

Manager: *to us* “Hello, ladies, is everything all right over here?”

(The employee explains the situation.)

Manager: *to next customer* “I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask you to give this girl her change back or you’ll have to leave the shop.”

Next Customer: “But, she’s at MY machine!”

Manager: “That may be so, but stealing someone else’s change is not acceptable; I’m going to have to ask you to hand it back or I’ll be forced to call security.”

Next Customer: *throws notes on the floor and walks out of the shop*

Me: “Thanks for the help! That lady was something else!”

Manager: “I’m so sorry this happened to you.” *helps me pick my notes up*

(The manager offered me a voucher for the shop, but I declined because it wasn’t their fault.)

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