Category: Criminal & Illegal


Not Talking About An Auto Dealer

| UK | Bizarre, Criminal & Illegal

(I work in admin for local authority parking enforcement. It’s a 50/50 split between making sure people paid their legitimate fines, and catching errors/fakes by incompetent or dishonest wardens. Part of the job is chasing down people who have outstanding fines for long periods. We obtain address details from the DVLA and make contact. Usually they call us after getting an intimidating letter. This young-sounding woman is one such. She sounds…distracted. Bear in mind that she is calling local government.)

Caller: “I got this letter saying I owe money for a parking fine but that’s not my car.”

Me: “You’re on record as the registered keeper.”

Caller: “Really? What car is it?”

Me: *make/model/colour/registration*

Caller: “Oh, yeah. That was mine. I haven’t got it now, though. I only had it a few days then I gave it to my dealer.”

Me: “Your dealer?”

Caller: “Yeah, my dealer. I traded it to him for drugs. You know how it is. I gave him that car for drugs. So, it’s his fine.”

Me: “Right… Well… You should probably tell the DVLA you don’t own the car anymore.”

Caller: “What…?”

(The weirdest part for me was the way she kept saying she was buying ‘drugs’. Somehow I wouldn’t have expected someone buying illegal narcotics to phrase it like that.)


Someone Needs Some Weekend Cheer

| MA, USA | Bad Behavior, Criminal & Illegal

(I open my store on Saturdays. On the way there I have to merge onto the highway slowly due to heavy traffic. A middle-aged couple in an SUV in the next lane apparently decide I’m not going fast enough and try to merge ahead of me, but I move up to prevent this. The man leans on his horn and yells obscenities out the window at me; I just wave and continue on my way, not thinking anything of it until I pull into the parking lot at work and the SUV comes speeding in. As I am walking to the door, the man gets out and starts yelling.)


Me: “Is there a problem, sir?”

Him: “YOU FLIPPED ME OFF, YOU F****** C***!”

Me: “First of all, no, I didn’t. Second, even if I had there’s no law against that. Third, you tried to cut me off. Now if there’s nothing else, I have a job to get to.”

(At this point, this grown man who is at least old enough to be my father starts pointing and laughing like a little kid.)

Him: “Haha, you have to work today, you f****** loser! If you weren’t so stupid and lazy you’d have a real life!”

(I’ve heard enough. I take out my phone.)

Me: “Sir, did you need to buy something when we open?”

Him: “Hell, no, I—”

Me: *interrupting* “Then at this time I’m going to call the police.”

Him: *screaming again* “WHAT THE F*** FOR, YOU DUMB C***?”

Me: “Well, let’s see: you followed me here; that’s harassment. You threatened me with bodily harm, also a crime. You said you have no intention of buying anything at this store, and we’re not even open yet, so right now you’re trespassing on private property. The station is less than a mile from here so once I make this call officers will be here in about a minute. Maybe you’d like to make fun of them for working on a Saturday, too?”

(Needless to say, he got back in his car and took off, yelling a few more obscenities along the way while his wife flipped me off out the window.)


This Isn’t Going To Plan

| Ottawa, ON, Canada | Criminal & Illegal, Money

(I work in customer service for a web hosting company. I get a call from a customer complaining that she’s been billed way more than she should be for her monthly service charges.)

Customer: “I was charged over $1,000 last month. My service plan is supposed to only be $9.95!”

Me: “That seems awfully high. Let me see what’s going on.”

(I check her account usage.)

Me: “Ma’am, I’m very sorry but when I check your account, I see that you bought our basic plan that only allows up to 500 MB and uploaded a site that’s over 6000MB.”

Customer: “Yeah, so?”

Me: “Well, ma’am, with the plan you have, we set aside a small space on our server for your site. If you exceed that size, we charge over usage fees in the amount of (price per MB over limit).”

Customer: “Well, that’s insane! Why have you never notified me of this?”

Me: “Actually, ma’am, we sent a notification as soon as you went over limit and we’ve notified you on your monthly statements every month that you’ve been over.”

Customer: “How long has this been going on?!”

(I look back into her account history and notice she’s had this issue ongoing for three years. I immediately know this isn’t going to end well.)

Me: “I’m terribly sorry, ma’am. It appears you’ve been in an over state for over three years.”

Customer: “What the h***? This is fraud! I haven’t had a single notice in all this time!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. We clearly note on your monthly statements what you’re paying for. Did you never see the entry for ‘over usage’?”

Customer: “Well, yeah, I saw that… I mean, why didn’t you ever send me anything else?”

Me: “We did send you a notice three years ago, when you uploaded your site, that it was over the size limit for your package. I’d be happy to help you upgrade to a bigger package so you don’t face these charges again.”

Customer: “I’m sure you would… How much does the upgrade cost?”

Me: “It would come to $24.95 per month.”

Customer: “That’s highway robbery! I won’t pay that! I’ll stick to the plan I have, thank you!”

(After I got off the phone with her I had to shake my head a few times to process what just happened.)


Not So Closed Minded, Part 9

| OH, USA | Bad Behavior, Criminal & Illegal, Time

(During the summer our store stays open until 11 pm. Now that summer is ending we are back at our winter hours of closing at 10 pm. My coworker has made announcements at 9:45 and 9:55 that the store is closing. It is now 10:10, we have turned off the outside lights, dimmed the dining room lights, and turned up the music while we clean.)

Coworker: “Uhm, guys, I found some people and they won’t leave.”

Manager: “What?”

Coworker: “Yeah, I went to clean the bathrooms and they are sitting at one of the bars. I told them we were closed but they just said ‘No, you aren’t’ and ignored me.”

(The manager walks around the corner to where the people are sitting.)

Manager: “Excuse me, ladies. We have actually closed for the night so I am going to need you to leave so we can finish mopping.”

Girl #1: “No, you aren’t!”

Girl #2: “Yeah, you guys don’t close till 11! We aren’t leaving.”

Manager: “I’m sorry but we are. Staying open until 11 is something we only do during the summer. We switched back to winter hours last week.”

Girl #2: “Ugh, you’re such a liar. You just want to go home early!”

Girl #1: “Yeah, stop being so lazy! Google says your hours are till 11!”

(Girl #2 pulls out her phone and puts it so close to my manager’s face it is touching her nose.)

Girl #2: “SEE!”

Manager: “No, you two need to leave. Please be careful as we have already started mopping.”

Girl #2: “Make us!”

Manager: “Fine, I’ll call security.”

(Both girls moaned but began picking up their stuff. They made a point to drag it out as long as possible and “missed” the garbage when throwing their ice creams out.)


Not Very Closed Minded, Part 8

Not Very Closed Minded, Part 7

Not Very Closed Minded, Part 6


The Phone Crashed

| Moscow, ID, USA | Criminal & Illegal, Liars & Scammers

(It’s about five minutes to closing, and I am monitoring the entrance door to my store when a girl rushes in, waving at me.)

Girl: “I’ll be just a minute! I promise! I need one thing!”

(She dashes off into the store and I go back to waiting for the clock to hit ten when I hear, over the loudspeaker:)

Coworker: “Harry in Hardware, if you’re in the store, you’re needed in Electronics.”

(Knowing that this is the code name for our loss-prevention agent, I go on alert just as the manager is locking up the doors to the store. Not thirty seconds later, the girl from earlier runs full tilt towards the doors with her arms cradling something to her chest, and smashes right into them, face first. The manager, who is ten feet away, approaches.)

Manager: “I need to see what’s in your coat, please.”

Girl: “Oh, but…”

(She opens her jacket and there’s a pre-paid cellphone. A look of exaggerated amazement appears on her face.)

Girl: “But… I don’t know how that got there…”

(I missed the rest of the show because it was time to clock out, but it was really hard not to just topple over laughing.)

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