Category: Crazy Requests

Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

A-Salted With Your Fishy Tale

| NJ, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals, Popular

Me: “Hello, this is [Pool Store]. How can I help you?”

Customer: *on the phone* “Hi, I just bought a house with a pool and had some questions.”

Me: “Certainly. First I need to know if it’s a salt or freshwater pool.”

Customer: “I don’t know; how could I find that out?”

Me: “I need to you check to see if you have a salt generator or not.”

Customer: “All right, I think it’s a salt pool. How would I start it up?”

Me: “Do you know the gallonage of your pool?”

Customer: “Yes, it’s [average size pool].”

Me: “All right. Well, looking at my chart, you’re going to need 625lbs of salt to reach the required concentration if the concentration is currently 0ppm.”

Customer: “That’s a lot of salt.”

Me: “Yes, it is, sir.”

Customer: “How would I add the salt?”

Me: “Just toss it into the pool; there’s no special way of adding it.”

Customer: “That’s not how you do it.”

Me: “Yes, it is, sir. There may be other systems out there but if it’s our pool then you don’t have a special salt system attached.”

Customer: “Are you sure that’s how you add it?”

Me: “Yes. You want to raise your salt level to between 3000ppm and 3500ppm and to go to that from scratch, for your size pool, you need to add 625lbs of salt.”

Customer: “All right. Is it going to taste like salt?”

Me: “That’s a common misconception with salt pools. If the salt is within that range you won’t taste salt; if it’s 6000pm or higher you may.”

Customer: “So you’re telling me I need to add 1250lbs of salt?”

Me: “Not unless you want to taste salt.”

Customer: “What if I want to?”

Me: “Why would you want to taste salt?”

Customer: “Because I want it to be like the ocean.”

Me: “Ok…”

Customer: “How much salt would I have to add to my pool to be able to put fish in and swim.”

Me: “Are you telling me you want to make an open air salt water aquarium out of your pool?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Then I suggest you talk to a pet store. We can sell the salt but I have no experience in maintaining marine life.”

This Story Has Yet To Be Title

, | CA, USA | Crazy Requests, Hall of Fame, Movies & TV, Popular, Rude & Risque

(I am the night shift manager at a fast food restaurant. The corporate office had just started a new advertising campaign, and while not openly sexual, it is filled with innuendo. I get a phone call about 10 minutes before closing.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Restaurant]. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “I AM REALLY PISSED OFF RIGHT NOW! My children were watching TV this afternoon when your commercial came on. I cannot believe you would expose my kids to sex like that. I want you to take the commercial down, RIGHT NOW!”

Me: “Sir, this is a local store, so it has no control over the TV ads. The corporate office in Southern California produces and purchase all the advertising time for all of [Restaurant]. I would be happy pass of your name and number; that way they can put you in touch with the appropriate person.”

Caller: “THAT’S NOT GOOD ENOUGH! I want this ad taken off TV right now. You need to get on the phone and call the TV station and tell them to pull this filth off the TV, RIGHT NOW!”

Me: “Again, I’m sorry, sir, but I’m just a shift manager at a local store. We are a franchise location with no direct link to the corporate office in Southern California. I simply do not have the authority to make anyone pull these ads, nor does anyone else at this location. The franchise office might be able to help you. Their number is [number], and they open at eight am. You can tell them how you feel in the morning.”

Caller: “HOW CAN YOU ALLOW MY CHILDREN TO BE EXPOSED TO THIS SMUT?! If you cared about your customers you wouldn’t hide behind “authority.” You would listen to your customers, do your job, and have this smut pulled from the TV, RIGHT NOW!”

Me: “Again, I’m sorry, sir, but—”

Caller: “BUT NOTHING. GET IT PULLED RIGHT NOW!”

Me: “Sir, I’m a 19 year old college student working at a fast food joint. I agree with you that the new ad campaign is kind of inappropriate, but the TV networks simply aren’t going to allow me to call them up at 11:50 at night and have them pull advertisement paid for by someone else. If you give me your name and number I will ask the franchise office to contact you tomorrow, or you can call them at [number], or you can call the corporate office in Southern California at [a phone number I’m never supposed to give out], or you can even file a complaint with the Federal Communications Commission.”

Caller: “I WANT IT OFF THE AIR NOW! If you cared about my kids or your job, you would do it NOW! IF YOU DON’T DO IT NOW, I WILL GET YOU FIRED!”

Me: “Okay, sir, I will pass on your complaint.”

Caller: *all of a sudden he speaks in an almost hushed tone* “You know you’re going to Hell now, right…?” *click*

Six Figures Under

| OH, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Money, Popular

(I work at a call center for a life insurance company, providing information and support for agents and policy holders. I’ve actually had this conversation more than once.)

Caller: “I want to know why my beneficiary change wasn’t processed. Why was I sent a new form?”

Me: “Okay, if you just give me the policy number I can bring up your file and see what the problem is. Are you John Smith?”

Caller: “That’s me.”

Me: “Okay, and it looks like you wanted to name your beneficiary as… John Smith.”

Caller: “That’s right.”

Me: “Sir, you can’t be the beneficiary of your own policy.”

Caller: “Well, why not? It’s my policy.”

Me: “Yes, but in order for the policy to pay out, you have to be dead.”

Caller: “I don’t understand. It’s my money.”

Me: “Well, technically, yes. If you really want to take it with you, I suggest making arrangements with a funeral home to ensure that you are buried with it.”

Misunderstood When Walking Into A Photo Shop

| ON, Canada | Crazy Requests, Technology

Customer: “Can you enlarge this photo to 8×10?”

Me: “I can, but I’ll have to crop it.”

Customer: “Oh, no. No cropping.”

Me: “Then it can’t be 8×10. I can make it 6×10 if you want.”

Customer: “Well, if you can make it 6×10, why can’t you make it 8×10?!”

Me: “Because those aren’t the same dimensions.”

Customer: “But 6×10 is smaller! Just make it bigger so it will be 8×10!”

Me: “I can’t. If I make it bigger, it will be longer than 10 inches. If you want it 8×10, the sides need to be cropped.”

(She finally agrees to have one of the sides cropped. After I come back with her photocopy, she is now displeased with something else.)

Customer: “Why isn’t this in colour!?”

Me: “Um, it is in colour.”

Customer: No, it isn’t!”

Me: “Yes, it is. I looks exactly the same as your original.”

Customer: “But my original is all old! The colours have faded!”

Me: “Yes, but it’s still in colour.”

Customer: “But I thought you would make the picture look new!”

Me: “No, I can’t do that. I just have a photocopier.”

Customer: “But you said it would be in colour!”

Me: “It is in colour.”

Customer: “But it’s old looking!”

Me: “Of course it is. It’s an old picture.”

Customer: “Why won’t you change the colours?!”

Me: “Because I just have a photocopier here. That’s something you would have to take to a digital photographer.”

Customer: “Well, how much does that cost!?”

Me: “I don’t know.”

(The customer continued to mutter about how the picture wasn’t in colour as I rang her through.)

Can’t Understand The Petite Differences

| HI, USA | Crazy Requests, Popular

(I work in the clothing section of a well-known department store chain. A woman approaches my register wanting to return a shipping order.)

Customer: “I ordered these four [Brand] jeans online, but they sent me the wrong ones.” She shows me a pair she had grabbed from the display. “These are the ones I wanted.”

Me: “I’m so sorry about the mix-up. Let me look up the UPC number and re-order them for you.”

(I scan the ones she grabbed, and notice the UPC number is the same as the ones she’s returning.)

Me: “Ma’am, it looks like these are the same as the ones you have now.”

Customer: “No, they’re different. I don’t want to argue with you about it.”

Me: “Okay, was it a problem with the size? Sometimes there are fluctuations between different styles.”

Customer: “No, I tried them on. They fit right.”

Me: “Well, the color is blue-black. Did you want a different color?”

Customer: “No, that’s fine.”

Me: “And they’re both the curvy/straight leg cut. Were you looking for something else?”

Customer: “No, that’s the cut I want.”

Me: *at a loss* “Well, ma’am, they have the same UPC, and the color and cut are the same. I can assure you these jeans are the same as the ones you ordered-”

Customer: *irritated* “No, they are NOT the same. Look—” *she shows me the ironed-on label on the inside of the waistband of the jeans she ordered* “THIS says ‘[Brand] jeans petite.’” She shows the label on the one she grabbed from the display. “And THIS ONE says ‘[Brand] petite denim.’ THESE were the ones I ordered, and THESE are the ones I want. I want you to order me the right ones.”

(I’m speechless for a moment, and I can already tell the situation is only going to go downhill from here. I try to give her the benefit of the doubt and explain as kindly as I can.)

Me: “I’m sorry for the confusion, ma’am, but the reason the inside label looks different is just because [Brand] updated the design recently. I promise you they’re all the same cut—”

Customer: “I don’t want to argue with you about it. Just order me the ones I want.”

Me: “Ma’am, they all have the same UPC number. I can order four more for you, but there’s no way to guarantee whether you’ll get the old or new label design.”

Customer: “Get me your manager!”

(I give up and call a manager down. The customer begins her spiel about how the jeans are DIFFERENT, and how they sent her the wrong ones. My manager looks at the jeans, and then looks at me over the customer’s shoulder, a ‘What the hell?’ expression on her face. I mouth the words ‘THEY’RE THE SAME’ to her, rolling my eyes. I show my manager the UPC labels.)

Manager: “Again, we’re sorry, but like my associate said, it’s just a new label design. The jeans themselves are exactly the same.”

(We process the customer’s return while she throws a fit about our horrible customer service. She demands both our names, and the phone numbers of the head store manager as well as corporate. Taking her return receipt, she finishes with what she imagines is a crushing blow: “I worked for [Other Famous Department Store] for fifteen years, and we were always on top of things like this!”   I manage to keep a straight face until she leaves, and then turn to my manager with an incredulous look.)

Me: *deadpan* “She’s trying to claim a store that’s been in the red since the 1980s is ‘on top of things’?”

Manager: “Maybe that’s when she started working there.”

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