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Category: Crazy Requests

Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

Their Financial Advice Is Handicapped

| St Andrews, Scotland, UK | Crazy Requests, Money

(At our golf shop, we get one-off requests all the time. I occasionally get smart remarks about how we’re missing a trick because no one else is selling whatever it is, but generally they give up and go elsewhere pretty quickly. Today, I had a guy with a very specific request…)

Customer: “Hi There! Do you sell headcovers for Vokey wedges?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry. We only have the matching headcovers for the clubs we sell.”

Customer: “Do you know what I mean by a Vokey wedge?”

Me: “I’m sorry. I’m not a golfer, but I do know that we don’t sell them.”

Customer: *proceeds to tell me what this particular golf club is* “…You should get some neoprene and a little bit of soft sock and make some. You could sell them for £10 and make a fortune.”

Me: *at this point I probably have quite a stunned and bemused look on my face* “Oh, right. Well you’re the first person in seven years of working here to ever ask for one.”

Customer: “I’m telling you, you’d make loads selling them online.”

(At this point, he could see I wasn’t about to take him up on his offer and manufacture one on the spot for him.)

Customer: “I had to make my last one myself.” *on that note, he leaves*

(Now I’m not a business wiz, nor an expert in manufacturing, but if it’s such a lucrative opportunity, I was left wondering why he doesn’t take his own advice and make his ‘fortune’.)

Time To Drop The Dead Donkey

| USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals, Popular

(I used to work at a pet store. One day during my second month on the job, a woman walks in and taps me on the shoulder while I am stocking pet food.)

Woman: “Excuse me, what is your largest size for pet shock collars?”

Me: “Our biggest size is about [collar size].”

Woman: “Would that be large enough to fit a donkey?”

(A nearby coworker of mine heard the conversation and walked over.)

Coworker: “Why do you need a shock collar for a donkey?”

Woman: “My neighbor’s donkey keeps getting into my yard and eating my flowers. I already put an electric fence out, now I just need a collar for the donkey.”

Me: “Can’t you just tell your neighbor that their donkey is eating your flowers?”

Woman: “NO! That’s extremely rude, and besides, my neighbor doesn’t speak English!”

Coworker: “Uhh… okay. We could probably find a size if we saw how big the donkey is.”

Woman: “All right.”

(She uses her phone to show us a picture of a plastic yard decoration that looks like a donkey. This woman is obviously on some kind of medication.)

Me: “Ma’am, that’s a decoration, not a real donkey. Your flowers are probably being eaten by rabbits or insects.”

Woman: “ARE YOU F****** BLIND?! THAT IS CLEARLY A LIVING DONKEY! HOW COULD RABBITS POSSIBLY EAT MY FLOWERS? I CAST A PROTECTIVE SPELL AROUND MY GARDEN!”

Me: “Maybe you should’ve cast a donkey-proof spell…”

A Free Piece Of Advice

, | Cork, Ireland | Crazy Requests, Popular, Religion

(I work on chat support for customers. This one caller has been enquiring about getting a product, a well-known smart watch, for free like he saw on a prank video on Internet. This is the end of the conversation where I try to explain him why we don’t just give away free stuff.)

Me: “[Customer], let’s say you earn money to make a living by making a product and selling it. How would you react if a person asked you to give him one for free? You wouldn’t be very happy that this person would get a product but you wouldn’t get the money you need to pay your taxes and your food?”

Customer: “I would let him take it if he didn’t have money and God will always fix it.”

Me: “Now, let’s say that 100 people heard about what you did and all asked one for free. Soon you wouldn’t get any money at all.”

Customer: “No, God will fix it, but if he really doesn’t have any money I will give him one. God always fixes that.”

Me: *finally snapping* “Okay, then, you can ask God to send you a watch for free!”

Grand Theft Innocence: Part 13

| ON, Canada | Bizarre, Crazy Requests

Me: “[Store], thanks for calling. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Hi, do you guys sell games?”

Me: “Yes, we do, sir, as well as consoles and accessories.”

Customer: “Woah, that’s so cool, man. Hey, do you guys have GTA: Vice City?”

Me: “Yes, we do, sir. We have both new and used copies.”

Customer: “Cool man. Is there somewhere I can meet you to pick this up?”

Me: “Our store is located at [Address]. You can just come here and get it, but we’re closing in half an hour.”

Customer: “No, no, man, ya gotta meet me somewhere halfway.”

Me: “Sir, I can’t leave the store with unpaid merchandise. Maybe it would be better if you just came here tomorrow; we open at 9:30.”

Customer: “Okay, okay, I got a spot we can meet. I’ll be at [some alley lane I’ve never heard of] in half an hour. Bring the game.” *click*

Related:
Grand Theft Innocence, Part 12
Grand Theft Innocence, Part 11
Grand Theft Innocence, Part 10

A Ballooning Problem

| Glen Allen, VA, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Popular

(I work at a party store that specializes in balloons. We’re basically called “the balloon super store” so we tend to get very busy. It’s around high school graduation time, and we get a lot of balloon orders and we have to deal with idiotic people. We have balloon orders that fill up a basket and people walking in to get orders.)

Customer: *yelling* “I put my balloon order in 20 minutes ago!” *in reality, it was only five*

Me: *as respectful as possible* “I’m sorry, ma’am, we are trying our best to complete all the balloon orders as quickly as possible. If you could try and be patient that would be great.”

Customer: “But I am in a hurry and I have places to be!”

(At this point, she is in my face, and yelling at me, surrounded by other people yelling at me.)

Me: *I show her all the orders we have to do* “Ma’am, we are going as fast as we can. Please be patient.”

(Five minutes later:)

Customer: “I NEED MY BALLOONS DONE NOW!”

Me: *I was more than finished with this woman, so I literally dropped everything that I was doing in front of her* “FINE, I WILL DO YOUR BALLOON ORDER.”

(I start blowing up her balloons, and bag them up.)

Me: “[Customer], your balloons are ready.”

Customer: *starts yelling at me again and says* “THESE ARE THE WRONG COLORS!”

Me: *I’ve lost my patience at this point* “What do you mean they are the wrong colors? What colors were they supposed to be, and why didn’t you tell me when I was blowing them up?!”

Customer: “They are supposed to be black not brown!”

Me: *grabs the scissors – POP POP POP POP POP POP!* “DON’T COME BACK!”

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